Take me away from love and fear.

Take it all away because as of today I will lead myself blind into my future.

I want to hear the sound of living without an image just sounds.

I never trusted my eyes they have always betrayed me.

I never trusted my eyes they attract tragedy.

I will close my eyes and listen to everything.

From the rustling of trees to the sirens in the neighborhood.

From the cries of a mother to the cries of a newborn.

Today I am blind.

Today I am listening.

I am wasting my life being afraid.

I am such a helpless case for tragedy.

Playing mind games with myself hoping for a glimpse of actual reality.

All I have got left is my deceiving recollection of my past playing and rewinding until the ribbon breaks.

All I can give is my mind and heart.

I have nothing left.

I feel sorry for the moon for what he has to see every night.

The madness of people that only shows when the sun leaves.

I feel sorry for the moon, he cannot run away.

I'm too selfish to let him go.

I know he suffers from his undying love for the sun.

I know he whispers apologies in the night air hoping for the sun's forgiveness.

I know the sun will never listen.

I feel sorry for the moon for he is alone and can never live without the sun.

I feel sorry for the moon for the shame he carries on his back.

Heavy and hidden.

I'm falling for the moon and he will never know.

Here’s how it is inside my head when I’m sober.
Everything is clear.
Everything is so clear but it’s a mess.
A mess of words.
Thoughts clashing against each other.
I explain and over explain and I try to get my point across but it’s nothing.
What I say is nothing.
The words that come out are nothing.
My mind speaks against me.
Isn't my mind my own?
I try to calm it but it only rattles even more.
I write and it’s nothing.
I write and the words won’t make sense.
I try and the letters vanish.
Give me shot.
A hit of anything.
Make me high.
I don’t want to know this.
I don’t want to know who I am.
I keep myself a stranger.
I have always been drawn to strangers.
I've always been drawn to hurt.
To ignore.
Keep me high it’s for the best.
It won’t stop.
It won’t stop.

Please stop.

I've learned to be a vessel for so long.
To hide to keep to hold.

It's breaking.

We laugh we love we care and we carry our hearts on our sleeves.

Walking in these streets with blank faces.

We love, and we do it so poorly.

We give to fill ourselves up.

We empty ourselves hoping to be filled.

We’re empty to the last drop till we get back to our beds crying, begging for a refill.

We’re emptied out.

Dry.

Our bottom is breaking and I feel it cracking beneath my feet.

I am truly myself in the bathroom.

The switch of the locked bathroom brings out the me that I see.

The me that I am always afraid to be.

I look in the mirror and I see myself not what others see.

It's not a monster that I see but an ugly being trying to hide whatever that would make me a monster.


I am a monster to be.


The bathroom is where my cage is.

The bathroom is where I rattle and fight until I break out.

My mind, body and spirit.

They're everything to me and they're nothing.

They give and they feed.

Mind, so full to the brim that it spills.
It spills everywhere, uncontrollably.
It spills and it's empty.

Body, it feels, it feels so much of you and it shakes, uncontrollably.
It shakes and it's numb.

Spirit, it floats, floats through it all, through everyone.
It floats and it's temporary.