3/4 of half the time
In my mind
I find you
Seeking
Opinions
(Secretly
Its my belief
Your
Motive
Is
Ulterior
In order to gauge
Your
Wrong behavior
Acting hurt,
Victimized,
And in that way
Gain favor.
Its
Codependency
Extrinsic
And
Somewhat
Narcissistic)
.........
The severity
Of your
Discrepancies
Dictates the
Intensity
Of your
rampage
And repeatedly askin me
Am i  outa line
Tell me the truth
And so I do.......
You get mad
Say ***** you.
Then in the rare time
Im in need
Or im down
You dont answer the phone
Or come round








I tryed to tell you.....
Dont set your perch so high.
Your response?
I dont need you telling me what to do!
You fell ......... 
You seem surprised.
The question now rises.....
If i ask you to tell me the truth no matter what
Would you ?smile ...
say
Whatever you
Think I would
Want you to say.
In effort to spare my feelings?
harmfully,
Charmingly?
A dashing
Eye contact
Evanescent
The rest of the half second
Digesting my kinematics....
Intentionally
You are about to
Decieve me...
Are you my enemy?
You never rebuke me for anything.
...............
Alarming me......
...............
No you are friendly..........
.    ......
Unfortunately
I guess
what
I desire is
A true ememy.....
One who I can count on
Too tell me
to my face the real things
That hurt.......
One whom will
Not suprise me
The way you do.

Ohhhhhh
It's
Yuuuuuuhhhh
......
MmmmmM
Yes I see
You
And when I do
Every thing in the world becomes
Instantly
Irrelevant
Sound ,
Light ,
Dark ,
Drop their novelties
And run
Covering
......ears ......
And eyes
From what
Could haunt
Anti-negotiations
Team
Steps in
Fear,
Logic,
Reason
Gone.
Released from the grip of
Gravity
No longer confined to reality....
Persona
Retracts from the surface
I  
Sink  back into me.
Hidden
In
"Only the vital organs"
Cage
And
OOOOOOO
Don't it turn my blue eyes
Black
An you got my hackle up
numb front





I should have known
....
You'r
Presence
Invokes
Cadence
My skull
Groans
Morbidly

I see images of Bella Lugosi
In Noseferatu
And hear skeletons crawling
Bones
Crackling
In bellicose
Baritone
Notes
See my tattooed tongue curled down to my chin
And hear the contemptuous defiance in my
Haka
Chest cavity
Cracking
Inside my
blood like lava
Gurgling
Churning
I writhe
In maize yellow ,
Vermillion swirling
Crucible
I WOULD RUN IF I WERE YOU.....
BUT I DONT WANT YOU TOO  
.....
YESSSSS
MY PRECIOUS
YESS YESS
I DO  
BIT..
PLEASE  
COME CLOSER
Just out of my reach
That's it
Dance with me
In my disturbed
symphonic
Yearning.
My heart pounds  
Like Thor's hammer breaking out of
Valhalla
Each blow
Spikes hairs on my back
And it flicks the sweat into a mist.
My jaws clenched
Fist's tighten till skin splits
The rythym
......
The air......
......clouds......
..Disappear..
.......
Convulsive
.....Exhale.....
Epic
Mystic mist
Crystalize
At the absence of temperature
EYES
Reflect
The sparkle
INHALE
In heaving
.....Gasps....
AND RELEASED
WITH
MISERABLE MORNFUL
HOWL
FUZZ
ITCHING
STATIC
UNDER MY FLESH
TINY WORMS CRAWLING
INVOLUNTARY
HALF Slobbering
SOBBGIGILING
..........
LYCANTHROPY
PRIME MORTAL
DISORDE8R

LUNATIC MOON
IN FULL
Collapsed
Deranged
Trying to stave off.....the..
Strange..
I can't arrange a complete ..
Tho.....

I'm changed
St
I feel the


Nemesis  

Fever bringer
You bitterme ...
And yet sweet is the obsession......
Lost time . .  
Where am I ?
Im so close ...
My rage enslaves me with cravings
Compounding
Shhhhhhhh
Listen
.  ...... .
I'm not a monster
I want you to come out of this  
Ok ....
I really do ...
How droll life would be without you...
I just don't know what I would do .
Dont move
I don't want to ruin you .. ....
Yet .....
Oldsmobile bravada
I am learning to hate again
You have become my pain my torture and mentor.
Now my
Victim
If you don't work after
I
rebuild
You're transmission
I'm gonna hack you into parts and
Sell you.
You .....
OOOOOOO owee I smashed finger again...
Uffxxyfn differ jekridrjjdiriijjfjfjjrjtjfjdkfjirifidjfj!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhh
It's
Yuuuuuuhhhh
......
MmmmmM
Yes I see
You
And when I do
Every thing in the world becomes
Instantly
Irrelevant
Anti-negotiations
Step in
Fear,
Logic,
Reason
Gone.
Consequences?
***
Seriously?
HAH
TRIGGER
Ayite
Can we get
A
Perspective check
Please?
Well let's see
Consequences
I receive
Accrued from
What I do to you?
I could give a **** less.
And what you get as a result
Of what you did willingly
To me
You deserve.....

You bring me to the point of
Primeval!
Even gravity
Doesn't want anything to do with me
You've caused me to be insatiable
And unstable.
You took pleasure in
The pain you inflicted upon me.
My
Persona
Retracts from the surface
For fear of being involved in something it won't be able to un-see!




I should have known

....
You'r
Presence
Invokes
A sinister
Cadence.
Within .
Pushes me to play the
game .
No-one wins.
My skull
Groans
Morbidly.
Chest cavity
Cracking.
Inside my
blood like lava

My heart pounds  
Like Thor's hammer breaking out of
Valhalla
Each blow
Spikes my hackle
And it flicks the sweat into a mist.
My jaws clenched
Fist's tighten till skin splits
The rythym





Nemesis   .      ..
*****.. please ... ..
Let me see you come close to me
you ........
Fever bringer
You bitterme ...
And yet sweet is the obsession......
Lost time . .  
Where am I ?
Im so close ...
My rage enslaves me with cravings
Compounding
In a dystopian
Delirium.
The knell.
The pyre.
The requiem.
... The end ...
And then.....?
What shall become of me?
Now that I'm not who I was...
And I don't want to be
What I've been ...
Too long single minded
The emotion which was my motivation
Washed all the colors from the others.....

Standing
.......
in
Remembrance.
.......
View through the pain .
.......
Crystalize before me....
Only just the corners......
Fine intricately
Twined......
Leaving a perfect
Obround
For those looking in ...
Very much like a
Rockwell
Thomas kincaid
Mixture
In a rustic frame.
Flocked with hodgepodge
......
As I picture me
Outside  
......
viewing
Me through the window pain
..........
I'm imaging
Upstairs
Looking intently from the inside.
At
Winter scape and trying to ..
See
If the one outside .
Can detect the pain I feel .
I'm nervous
Cause the screen is so beautifull
I don't want to ruin it ...
I'm standing back aways behind me outside  in view of all this
And the looks on my face .
Not good ...
So I try to get my attentions
Being comical
To lift the spirit
......
I'm watching and smile starts to unfurl
Until
.......
Duuun
Dahh

Duuuuuu.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Off on younger
I see the older
Pretend to be
Mature me. ..
On horse carriage
In a civil war
Uniform .  
Hair greased over ...
Black ish
Brown
handle bar mustache
Kinda like
Kurt Russell
From tombstone
.
Tell em
"What's coming.
.............
AND HE'S
BRINGING
HELL WITHEM
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHISTLE
WHISTLE
HYAAAAA.
In the backround
Up in the sky..
That old familiar twang of  
Cashs'
Guitar
Echoing through the canyons
And it's
Me
I fill the
Whole sky
I m singing with Johny
Man
Yah
And
I think I'm chrome plated .......GHOST ......
RIDERS
...
...
ON THE STORM
Now I'm
With
Morrison ..
DAM .....
the dam
Cracked an the water began to flow   .
The perfect storm .....
And the water breaches
And it's quickly over taking
The valley down below ...
And the little cottage I stood
Glassy eyed
Gazing it the window .
Is gone
Along with all my splinter
Cell
Me's
All but one

Then
He died from grief ...
And the me
Singing in the sky
Sobbed
And wept uncontrollably.
For years . .
Ohhhhh
Who could console me?
Finally ....
I lifted my eyes
And
Finally ...
The world saw the raw real me....
And
I was understood ..
Wow
Glorious .
We all cryed tears of liberation and joy  
For me....
Melon Holly ....
Then someone in a boat started birchen.sayen
He's the reason the whole Earth's all flooded.
Had kina
Uh dirt farmer
From the grapes of rath .
Sort look to
Him ...
Tall .lanky ....
Then I heard a mumur
Turnt to a roar  
And now I'm back to regular size .
And the roaring crowd behind me screaming
Yah get him.
And it's the Spartans from the
300
Movie ...
Leonitis
Face is grimaced  
******
He's
****** .
Right on my heels .
I jumped off a clifffff
Ffffffff
Ffffff
For crying out loud
Can I ever just imagine something
Beautifull
Without all the extra
Dolly lama drama.
Man
.
Tell ya
I
Feel
Sorry for me


I can just picture
M.....e.....
S. ....t......
Not..
Gonna doit


As a myriad of ;;
Nope

WARNING
When you see
This ..
You know your
Life is over



Standing there
Perplexed
40000
Word
Vocabulary
All I can say is

Half melted
***** snow
Crystalizing
As last spatial light like a laughing
Coyote
Runs
Drunkardly
In short jagged
Bursts
Stops slowly looks back
And smiles
Peruses me
In a defiling
Way
You had no intentions
Of loving
Me
Soon after you
Beguiled me
Severed my ties
From everything
Dear to me
Peeling my skin
With acidic lies
And then when
I needed you
Desperately
......
You wet me
Up
Tainted
Me
With your

Sickningly sweet venom
your comforting words
In
Plain view
You
Scooped straight from the septic
Sadistic
Its so clear to me now
Yet i still dont know how
Your magic
Filled me
Giving me almost supernatural
Power
I would have
On a whim
Conquered
The world for you
Instead
You secretly
Forced yourself in side me
And layed a brood of eggs
A layed contently
Watching as you stories of woe
Incubated
And snickerd
As the hatch broke free
Muscle and sinue
Popping and cracking
And the sounds of pockets of air
Difficulty
Moving though
Liquid
As they devoured
Still i continued
To love you
The whole while
Mortally
You wounded me
Portraying the one trying to save me from me
Quietly telling
Everyone im in therapy
You belicose *****
You are not my
THERAPIST
You are in fact
THE ******
You actually took pleasure
In torturing
Literally
Got off on waterboarding
Me with
Costic
Love
Like
Dung covered
Tines
On a rusty
Pitch fork
The instant
Your ivory fangs
Pierced the nap of my neck
I felt poisened
The waters from you mouth
Leaching in
Teaming with
Sour worms
Causing violent
Spastic fits
You orchestrated
La pobré nîna
Flipped the script
I was out did
Left questioning
My memory
For
Ive been abandoned
Caught in your live trap
And acted burdened
Dragging my carcass still breathing
To the middle of
Nebraska
Bereft me of my clothes
Took a moist meat hook and hung
Me
Walking away i heard you *******
For days
Feeling the dank bitter
Breeze
Stinging
Unimpeded
By the endless
Fallowed fields of yesterday dreams
And tomorrows
Sorrows
Dangling
The last ugly
Gourd
Left on this leafless vine
Hollow
I alone
Know the truth
iconoclastic
I hold the golden key to the most important mystery
....crestfallen. ....
Dejected
Outcast
And sullen
No one wants
To know
Public
Ememy
No 1
...........
........

Me
...

..


.

Some times I wander off into
The fictional
Horizon within my mind....
A sort of oasis...
Its a form of escape
I know....
And maybe you dont,
But I do
Need this....
place
where I dont have to hide
From the things
Ive done,
Or didnt do,
Tortured by what i could have done,
What I should do
Or need to do
Put it this way
Call me a dreamer but I would like to find a place where
what I
Want.....
Need to...
And
Have to do......
Coincide so perfectly
That I don't have to feel any of those
Things
I just do
I don't know if Im that much
Different.
Different  is
Different I suppose.
Reality is subjective to
Environmental
Conditioning
As viewed independently by each specific individual.
Some mourn because they feel they can never realize thier own fantasies.
Others feel safe
Because they dont.
Needless to say
I feel happy when they feel that way
Because ......
Well i hate to say it......
That means Im safe too.
Anyways ....
Lets continue
Shall we ??
Very few understand that fantasy is better than reality.....in that way of thinking
Its better to regret things you didn't do .
I mean actually living out a true fantasy .....
Sometimes doesn't really turn out exactly as it would seem .
Then there's me
I dream of a
Geney with beautiful blue electric eyes
I know what you are thinking
Im sure a lot of people do.
My dreams aren't that far away from reality
Only I
 fantasize
I am the Geney in the bottle and you find ...
Its Me and I make all you're wishes come true
Because that's my wish
I just do.......

My time
In my life
In comparison.
Within
Humanity,
You and me,
As well as  
My defense
.....I lean on....

Hybrid tea
Blossom beautiful
In bloom

Caccoona
Pupa

I go along for so long.........
I fade into you seamlessly
Tears reflecting the true love i see for what you see in me
May our love have no end
Let me say to you its been
......
My greatest honor to be adored by you
You truly are everything
Regretfully
It seems
i must leave
My love
always be in love be loved
I will pretend to look away  
You know i can not lie to you
I will live vicariously through whomever you love
Share your joy stay as long you may.
I have no jealousy waiting happily
Only one thing
My lovely
When we coalesce once again ....
He cant live with us. ....

  G A B I S H
◀!?!▶

Sultry sunday late afternoon
I can barly begin to smell the shade
Were all alone in the room
Between you and i
Im consumed
100°
Pheromones lingering
Loves mingling with lust and idunno
What 2 do
I mean i do
But im cool with just holding
You
I dont wanna
Ruin the mood by
Asking