Pitch black ...
Frozen in silence .....    
Somethin cold just moved in.
Got your hackles up
And you know its full of vengence .
Goose bumps ,heart pumps.
Foot steps..
Thump......
Thump........
Thump......
Tension burning thick
Blinding white light
Rips crackling through the sky.
When your vision comes back
You see me
Eyes smouldering
Bloodshot focused like a lazer beam.
And the thunder rolls
And with it falls....
RAIN PAINS .....
COLD CHAINS AROUND MY NECK,
Remember me and what you said
Well the old me is dead and gone
Waited so long for apologies.
Too late snake
Time to bleed.....
Tell me now how
Im old
fake gold
Bought sold
Sell out wanna be.
Has been
You who pretended to be my friend
Secretly spreading lies

its an undynamic situation
we got stuck in
wondering why
procrastinating
doesnt happen
sooner

Proverbial shortcut no one knew about or
Somehow forgot
One thing can be said
They all have a common re sult
They never lead to longevity.

Despite  risk,
  love outweigh  my mind

I can still feel you.....
I still hear your laugh
You are still the one
Everyone wishes
They could have.....
You are still .....
The one
Apothecary salve
You soothe my soul
The emollient
smoothes and removes

All my muck and uglies.
Somehow You give me empathy...
For those who bruised me...
For  with you they can see
How beautiful I am ....
And now they envy
The one Everyone
Wishes They had......
You ......
The one who's in love with the thought of being in love..
Me who is perpetually
In love with you only...
your love makes me whole......
Ampersand.......
You elevate me to King ...
All masculine
Top of the world .....
No hands .
..
You make me .....
Wanna be a better  Man.
........
Don't read.....
"Don't read this forgemeknot" on collection  page...color.......

You will find your heart .....
And behave differently
.......
Then everything be still.  
And quiet.    
Urgencies and emergencies
Fade to oblivion.....
All Lilliputs strings....
Slip away tickling
Leaving you tingling
You feel connected
But not bound .
Not afraid to commit a faux pas or mak a loud sound...
Liberated your free .....
Alone you no longer feel lonely
My love will hold and protect you .......
Although you have me
You're security burgeoning
No more need to submit .
This I will not allow you to do.
...
Yet listen to"sunshine superman "
By
Donavan .
Then commit
Or
Not...
It's up to you boo
Either way you are unique
All clichés aside.  .....
You are one In a billion
Completely changed my point of view .......
Yes I really would stop the world an melt with you.....
I'd walk the streets of pain Grrrl ....
8 million times for you....
I never dreamed I'd meet somebody like you.......
At night I wake up with my sheets soaking wet .....
With a freight train running through my head....
I know random quotes from songs ist like anything
But original.......
But read beginning to end
Again ......you just did your already beginning to forget
What hinders you now read again ........
You already did.....now you under my love spell
Don't read again or you'll never wanna leave me......
Sup2uboo!
012357911. 13.  17192329

735 different puzzles 1000 pieces each
Dumped out in a room with no windows
No visuals......
One clue .....every one placed
is a choice
When made illuminates a small handful of potentials you choose the next to layed.......
As each puzzle complete you see 735 puzzle pieces ........
Putting those together it will show the question that is you
Which I am the answer too.....
The picture is destiny
We fit perfectly
You complete every facet of me
And enhance everything
We stay equal.......
One is not above the other....
Agree to coexist as one
You make me beautiful
And full fill our promise as individual.....
It cannot be a mutual 50/50
To achieve greatness
It must be 100/100.......

If you don't give a hundred percent means you devalue the others commitment
As bitter roots establish
Strongholds ....
Your worries are being sold
To the subtle one
Increased vulnerabilities
Give beelzebub
Points of interest and  leverage
10 fold

If I could fly away I would . .
I should . ... ..
But will I ......
If I could be something else.....
I would become poetry ....
More specifically ......
Poems written about you
Using the perfect words placed perfectly which roll off the tongue like an ambrosial candy
Revealing everything beautifull
I see in you.........
Only for you to see how much you meant to me..........
And you just walked by looking for something better.......

Frailty.......
I fear the fickleness
Within this entitlement
Based society.
Where in
I fail to see .....
The heart of This lion they lay claim too
Be?
Maybe ..........
This is only a thought....
Usage is in the eye of the
Depictor
where as terminology would follow function .
At this unction
You should see ........
A paradigm shift.....
In the way with which the word is used .... Its not what they say they are .
It's what they say they do......
Actually kinda cute ......
In a sad way.....

I sent you a friend request
You accepted
I got butterflies.....
You messaged me
My face got hot
And carbonated my eyes
An I..................
Found myself lost catotonic
In a hypnotic gaze swimming .....dare I say it..
Naked unashamed immersed in you profile page.......
You were shy ,flighty and
Cryptic. ....sorta on the chilly side..........
That made me feel even more attractive.........
Cause when you did respond
You never were the one to break that bond
An immaculate conception
Friendship ...........randomly
We .............2 out of billions
Billlions of miles , people, years.....space
And we are instantly cosmic
Soulmates..........you said you wanted to meet........
We did .........
O m G ......
A legend on the silver screen
Model for S.I. Vouge. Prada......an..... I........
Was nothing but starry eyed
Lacivious insatiable......
You bad girl out did my fantasies with full recompense
We became lost in RPG....
Then on that dec.morning
In full slumber without warnning.
I woke and felt as though i was levitating.
Above a tub of ice water
I was and you had me by the throat .......body slammed me
Almost drowed me pulled me up
Savagely beat me .......threw
Me out in the snow .......
Dare i say it naked.....
You .........were wearing my
Farorite furry......since then
I ve sent you money ,
Flowers,love,friend, requests,advice,forgivenezz
No strings attached.......
I live on the streets now
But still working......
I send you every thing .....
And said. I said I love u
Unconditionally.........
Why cant I send you.........
Away............

Verily i say unto you
My friend
I know that somewhere out there
There is a answer for me
Waiting ...  
For it knows
Eventuality shall arise
In due time and
I will have

need.
Proverbs are a dark mirror.
In reflection
Without rebuke.
giving life and
Words to live by
And should be questioned
Whole heartingly
I assure you for I know within these verbs of which we speak
Are  
answers to to everything

I walked in....to the party
And everything
Right .........left
And I said
"Whats left ?
Right?
Que the canned laughter......
Annnnnnnnddrop....
The curtain falls
And im drowning in silence

Exit stage left
Rieeeeet?

Differences between
you and me
Are met with thoughts
and dreams that pair
Elegantly.
What I see ..........
Your eyes .....deep hue drawing
Me through the disguise
Past the masquerade
The intelligence
The restraint
the quaint fear of success
If i faint
Forgive me  .
You know you got this
And so humble
Youre hair is beautifull
Your skin
is like milk and honey
with a hint
of cloves and cinnamon
The glint off youre lips
has all the brilliance
of  diamonds
When you speak to me ......
Lets just say I
Am so........idk ...............
Honored to spend time with you.
When your voice comes through
I peak ..........its ambrosial
...
Listen your unstoppable
If I could dream ....of you
Theres nothing i wouldnt do






You would make my life magical
Ill only uplift and encourage
You
ride shotgun and watch you
Conquer the world
Its no threat to me
And you dont need me
You got this ..................

Its ......

Everything you say or do
Only adds to the sexiness
Thats is you

And ...its


Because
............welll.....i guess it just


Is

I love you intoxically...
Like a venom filled rig ....
You fill me with love
Like fire burning  colored gem's
Radiates me euphorically.
Then leave my mouth foaming copper acidic and green
Gut empty writhing
Toxic ............
Your mean ........
I can live without your love
But  not the pain .......
You are my ******
...my ******
.
.
Stay......


I need a fix

I'm fixiated


Fix me




Please .....






Why do I need you?

Without histoy...
Who should believe...
Surely not us....
Within what we say
We feel is veracious....
Unfortunately  what people
See.....
Won't allow them to feel that way
Your character is always there before you...  .
It wears what it has to
Not what you tell it too.....
Its usually what someone said about you......

Partiality ,
Reflective
Teflon like membrane
deflecting Dysphemisms
With psychosomatic euphemisms
And remain in a state of osmolality
Vanity in vain
Pseudo synchronicity in
Emotional attachments
Spurned by environmental conditioning
Creator of schisms.  
Hider of truths
Author of lies

Let's forget about it.......
Fe pyre that so
Impedes me......
I wanna remember everything..  .
Re-live and regret .....
Burn it ...
Let's do some mescaline and swing from the mezzaning

Stop and think we really dont have a different point of view .
I suffered you played youre games
You.........
Were my Queen
I .........
Outmatched was youre fool
You persuaded the ones which influenced everyone we knew
Secretly
i believed that if it really came down to it
I would be comforted and consoled
Simply because my character is strong enough to stand and speak for me
Que the sad song.........
Apparently . ........
I was     wrong
The possibility still haunts me
That........
Maybe i need you but you dont want me
Its a definite maybe that i dont want to face
So.........
Tease me if it pleases you.
But dont spit in the hand that reaches out to you
I'm struggling you've givin me too much
I was calling for you
Trying to follow you.
Neutral buoyancy I can't float or sink
You gone
I can't see you
You're pain is confusing
It's should teach me
To not want to see you
But instead
Like a Vicodin with pectin
When I hold you it's good
When you hold me it *******
Euphoria
And every good feeling
Is thickening pushing all the past away
Babe be carfull with the games
And with who you play
You think youre good now
But someday
You're fields will be fallow
You love will echo
Poor little porcelain doll
You're hollow
Nothing for you on the horizon
Every time no matter what youve done
No matter what im doin
There id been
... ...
One day youl need  me .. ..
Que in the
Silence.

I'm sorry poetry
It seems like I only write you
When I have to!

This is the night that the lights went out on me.
The fatal sight mine eyes
Could never unsee.
Giver of life ,
Most trusted confidant,
My Queen......
My love my truest friend,
I will spend a life time
Still never comprehend ,
Why this had to be..........
lost in contemplation
Of
Inevitable aftermath  
In preparation trying to brace myself against
imminent impact.
Taunting me I sat ,
And sunk hauntingly into
A maelstrom of fears and trepidation. .........
Without her who will I be?
Awakened from dissolution by a refreshing icy cold slap in the face.    
My mind's eye dipped into an acid bath ......
Emerged bereft of selfish filters ........and brought clarity that is not my time ,but Hers .....and it is but a vapour now ,
Precious and fleeting with a quickness .........
I pushed all negative thoughts to the horizon of my mind ....
So I could take events in stride
Although in doin so
I knew ,and did my best
To hide .....
This the beginning of the end of me
From this I cannot mend
The epitomy of melancholy
I was chosen as her ring man and accepted gratefully.
Managed her corner to the best of my ability...
The best moments of my life and shall forever be..
Yet I'm still haunted ......
And the sharply narrowing of the fields of what we wanted.........
Ever loomed ....vamping my energy.
Undaunted,
her opponent advanced
Relentlessly......
My chest heaves hands tied .....
Broken..
I fall to my knees
Severed forever my last tether
To humanity.
Most elegant warrior I have ever seen.
Knowing me
Could console me!
Sophisticated and obnoxious
Said her hair wasnt red ....
It was strawberry blonde
A little piece of insight.  
Known to nary run from a fight ......
Broke me fatters jaw ...
And me uncles too ..
On their wedding night...
None the less.......
And with such mischievous elegance
With the heart of a leprechaun
Hard not to say
She was simply complicated. .............
I marvel in the way
Her beauty still hasn't
Faded from me
epicenter of happiness and all that was good in me ....
She was my everything
Same hood,
Same team,
Understood ..... Completed me
The only one who truly loved me .
The lost champion ,
My lost companion ,
Savagely beaten to death
While I could only stand by and watch helplessly.
And in disbelief
Stroked her hair ,.....
Held her gently
And  the world lost all of  its humor, charm  and meaning.
As she breathed out and left me...with just  her body...in my arms
On new years eve.
And the silence is still maddening from the
No reply
As ...I  ...am faced with this insanity
As we became I put both her hands on my face
Cried quietly Mamma
Please don't leave me..
Rest in peace Mom I love you....
Her opponent?
Non small cell squamous
Lung cancer.

Friends, and
Family
Everywhere......

I feel their every stare.....
The worst of which
I can barely bear.    
My reflection
Won't make eye connection with me anymore...
Blood .
..shot eyes.  
Snot ,tears ......
Blubbering.
Convulsive inhaling.....
Worst case scenarios
On repeat .
I'm up braiding the pain caused by me tuning it inwards to pay Penance
This is all the things I've done wrong marathon
Staring me as the morrow
I'm the only one invited .....
No one sees the pain
I hide it everyday thinking this surely means I'm a good man......
Ironically since Noone sees
Me Bleed internally
They assume I haven't changed a thing.......this why evey mistake made is to the world not a big deal
To me it's everthing...
It's devastating

Alrighty friends,
With out any outward display
Who doesnt feel entitled too
A second one?

Sunshine glistening
Off a solem fat tear.....
Gently caressing my flushed cheek.....
I turn away unable to speak ....
"Look at me" ........you say
Laughingly......
A million words better than beautifull .......
Could never define you ..
Adequately
You said "I love you"
To me ......
This moment is ineffable
A warm quiet breeze
Berefts
cherry blossoms from fragrant trees ......
Flitter by diapheneously. ....
Gently touch down
Into a clear mountain stream ...
Enhancing as they flow away ....
Like my worries and doubts when I'm with you.......
Enchanting ..........
How you shiver me
With such natural elegance
your voice .....
Angelic
Your words alluring
I am spellbound by your eloquence.......
HONORED
And ....... I do
Blubbering.....ly
Look at you
Honestly..........you are an obsession.......
Not a choice.
Nuanced .....even your essence and the world un voiced.....
Everything that is not you is
Ambiance
I get lost in you're eyes
I see a reflection of me .. ...
The un-conquered spartan that's been all but beat out of me
By peasants who pretended to be
Lovers .......
Who were really handlers
Who used me. ..

I see the words on the screen
Instantly forcing me to my knees
Face grimaced,,,every muscle tensed
Tremorring eyes bulged bloodshot
I'm slobbering,,,
Chest collapsed in my hand
Fist gripped so tight skin splits
And in the silence
Ten times worse

.........

.......
  

Nothing.........    


Stop ignoring me.  




This is madness

After what you told me

Forlorn . ....
And so many wartorn years ago
Seemingly A millennium spent....
Regarding gravity and intent
Learning loves early forewarning
Now love for me is scorned,
Around the Cape of the horn
I stand up on a mountain
Through lightning and driven rain
I rent my mantle .........,and lament ...
I'm still in love with me,
Yet I'm lachrymose
I feel ....everything
more than most
My love ....
deeper
therefore
Bemused in remembrance
Not confused on the verdict
Incarcerated over-recompensed
How long can this sentence be ?
I would have rather swung from the gallows
Than to be lovelorn
With my fertile field of love fallowed
Hollow........
Followed by the future ghost of me,,,,,,,
Constantly haunting.......
Like a mocking bird squawking......
I told you so......

Privily.......
A treacherous cyst of regret
Slowly forming around my
............lonely heart
I'm a bittersweet sea
There is only me in love with mourning me

I will forgo without
Endure unjust ,
unreal suffering .
Trivialize my vantage.
Which leaves depravity
Insecurity
two goals my lifetime
Towering out of my grasp
.......never needing you to be burdened with shame of wanting to ask......
Work myself to the grave ......
Perjure myself infront of a federal jury.
Tape 50 kilos of coke to me
Watch me stroll through Iran border security
Give me vast riches ill live in poverty
Build the worlds largest castle the world has ever seen ....make the whole thing out of
Oxcodone oxycottin
Percaden .vicaden .or any type of ******.
Give me all comepletely
Legalize me to do
Anything
With full impunity.
Absolute imunity
..........
I will without a second thought .without even the hassle of looking about it.
.....for you..
And at the end of that tempting day will crawl home to you through lemon juice and broken glass
Give you my pay check
Cook you a five star dinner
Rub your feet and love you
Because
WITHIN me lies the truth of what you have done to me.. ..
And I know it
More importantly
I know you know it
.......in private .
Alone you try to deny it
One of us will probably
Die

Can't count how many times..
I forgave you ,
For leaving me , bleeding ,
Offering me no atonement,
Laughing as my spirit died
I yearned for the grave...
I sacrificed and freely gave
Until my everything run empty...

So maybe you look back and think ......
Wasn't a big deal and ya
I guess we did have some good times...
I mean idk ...
I don't really remember that much.........
And I suppose when you look back into "that" time.....
It feels like a nagging clingy
Photo album all covered in dust .
And the pages stuck together
Heavily laden with must.......
.........
The recollections I have are completely different ...... I remember the first time I set my eyes upon you....
My memories have meaning .... And my feelings are stainless ......
For you these will not be tainted in rust........
It was late August when I heard you say us for the first time ......
I hold dear to me those softer moments when you let your defenses down and talked to me like comrade....
You and me ......
Family ..........
What baffels  me is how I have to force my self to remember the  cruelest and most confusing pains you put me through ... Shattering my illusion of life and love........
All the times you start a fight just to leave & go hang out with some other guy.........
And I'd hide it from your parents     and
The kids .........
Taking the blame saying ... She's just taking a time out .... It's ok she'll be back tomorrow ...... Meanwhile
You been lieing to all our friends an family .........
Saying I am the one ......
Cheating and disappearing......
Trying to make the youngest boy take a bath and he's crying ......
" No cause mom's gonna leave  
...
And I still cry when I take a shower for the same reason ...... Been ...
6 long years .....
I can't get over you ........
To you it seems like *** is the big deal .
It was kind insignificant......
I know I should move on ..........
But I ..

Youll see blood .......
Sweat and tears !
Look down youre nose at me again
This time youll see the cieling
From the floor
Theres no way you could judge mae..
....try walkin a mile in my shoes Quinten Terentino style
Ill bet ittle be the longest mile
Yet it will apear to you as normal as normal can get....
To me welllllllll.
Tell u what ..
Watch the movie ......
Its about me playing the part of you .....
Walkin a mile in me shoes .
I hear its good but really weird.
Idk i fell asleep

When will the favorable
Winds blow my way again .
I wonder........
And I wonder.....
When will my vanity
And pride fall from my eyes,
Allow me to see the real me
I wonder .......
As I wander .........
I ponder on petty things....
The more I breathe
The less of me i see ,
Entombed within these
Walls made of masks
Portraying appropriate personalities ,
In different social settings,
The chameleon ,
Masquerading,
Machiavellian  .
Star lit charlatan.........
So many people I've been ,
Too many to ponder........
I really try not to....
Still I wander......
And as I do ....
I can't help but to wonder
Do people see me the way
I have wanted them to?
Some I do .......
Most I don't.....
Either way
Do or don't want to play
The part
Still just a Wanna be.
Lost in a fantasy......
In a sea of my dreams....
I walk upon the waters .......
Peacefully I gaze deeply
Down  at my reflection
I see my eyes reflecting the sky's....
And I wonder .........
A lonely tear distorts the vision
And as the ripples flow in each direction........
Dissipating in amplitude and frequency .........
Until I can't see ......
Still I believe if not for the shore
They will they go on ......
And the implication .......
Regardless intentions ,
Different dynamics,
Will view my deeds from different perspectives .
And tales will be told ,
The ripples you create.....
Radiate ....
From love ........
Can cause someone to hate
And .........
If you are not being you.....
How can you offer defense....
Only those you have completely fooled
Might believe you......
I see connection .........
You aren't judged how you feel.....
But by actions you do
Which reflect and refract
And with every act is a reaction
And it's true .......
Johnny Cash can tell you.....
"Bad news travels like wildfire.
Good news travels slowwweww.
They all call me wildfire,
Cause everybody knowwowos
Im bad newwwwws."
Every body want to .....
Believe rumours about you .
That way they feel a little better about    
What they do ...
And so I ponder in my minds eye..
Each disguise reflects certain aspects of the real me.
And if could actually remove all these masks ......
Who would I be?
The question continually haunts me.........
Who am I?




I wander in wanderlust
Drunken  on my memories.
Laced with my perspective....
I have to believe .....
Each masquerade ,
My intention for every role I've played........
Was to help someone see
You don't have to pretend to be someone your not
Just to fit in .....
Does that make me hypocritical?
I wonder ....

Yahhh ..we got free will.
They just wont let us use it

Lush romantica ,
Ambrosial
A thirst only you could quench
drenched
In honey milk and vanilla
Each dulcet syllable
Suggests a persuasive silhouette
The sweet seduction
I'm un-stable in pursuit
Anticipation laced with preview
Ethics and morals fall to the way side
Passion burning so hot I cannot hide
Accelerating I'm chasing you.......
reckless
I couldn't care less
About collateral damages
Territorial
Nostrils flare ..........
I'm.primal.
Prime objective
instinct governs reasoning
Programed this is what I do......
Imprinted infatuated
Impassioned  no boundaries
I can't breath untill you love me too

Tell me you are lonely
I'll say Im sorry,
Tell me you are looking
For love
I'll tell you that's the hardest way to find it.
Tell me the things you'll do to get your love ,
Ill tell you you are using the wrong bait!
Tell me one thing you will give up
To get your love and I will tell you 3 reasons you will never be happy

Songs......
that haven't been.
sung....
Times......
Wantingly walking right into .....
What ........
I should have run.....
From ......  
Wrongs done...
So .......
Um ....
I guess
I wander into the furthest recesses .
To the precipice
Of the horizons of my mind .......
Find .......
Right ..
Wrong....There is no act that can undo the fact
That .........
There is no view that isn't slightly askew.
I feel like someone's writing a book of my life that can't be read
Untill.....
I'm dead.
And they are waiting impatiently
For..  ...
Me ....
Too
Move.....
I'm unsure
About whether I do ..... Or don't want to move.......
Who will remember or
Or want to care ....... Or not to .....
If I do ...
Hoorays for me
And boo
From the rest.

The book you reread
The silouett that defines beauty
The fragrance of hyacinth in full bloom
When you can't smile
I'll be there in PJs with you
Watchin Saturday morning cartoons
I am Peppy Le pue
Saying "where are you
My little dumpling?"
Then I find you and mess up your hair
And laugh as you swear at me
I say" HoweHowe  WEE WEE!
I lie awaiting you
I cry the tears
That fall when
I sing the songs
That make you
I am the mountain
In the spring time
The quaint challet
In the fall
And the one
Who would never let you
And if you did
The one to catch you.
The incoming tide
Queching the sand
My equal
The golden sunset
The one who sees no regrets
Respects your freewill
And forever loves you

Anticipations of grandeur  
Catch fire
my mind.......
Then burst into brilliant
Arrays of
Stupidities
Oh sure  

.......

I still have opportunities

In wardly an awkward line ,
Lies........
Somehow betwixt kudos and mockery.
And generally a ***** or an incline
Determination of which ....
Established sadly by the one walking it.
I. E. ME, growing up lacking temperament and confidence,
I told everyone I wanted to be a comedian........
They all laughed at me.......
I took it the wrong way
And tried to be a poet .
I think maybe I was  a little to sensitive....
Life,........
Isn't funny .....
Er idk........
So yah follow your heart .
But have some fun and don't be so ...
Idk .....

Like me ......

So tired am I
Tried love
It lied
I cried
My heart sang bitterly
Live and let live. ..      ...
And so I did.
It came back
To  many times .....
I died inside.
Became empty.......
Put  all my dreams and happy things
Carefully away in my secret storage far away ..
And there I sojourned a lengthy stay.
Organized prioritized and placed all my hope and future perfectly and locked the bay door securely.
Doused it in magnesium and gasoline ..accelerant.
Patience
Benevolent
Intelligence.
Burnt.
No more hurten me
No more
Love
In me.
You grieve me
Deceive me .
I believed
Now leave
Me be
Please ....
Go
.be gone
Away from me.
And stay .....
Inspire me to do good and fill my destiny to be
Great ......  
So you will
Want me.....
Badly....
Chase me ....
Fight for me
Prove your love...
Show me
C'mon let me see
Beg me ...
Please my love please

So I can finally look you in the eyes and say ........NO!

Just as every word has come to fruition
In fact there is literally a new addition every day.ultimately each one is absolutely designed streamlined and scrutinized by leading etymologist
They by definition definitely have a specific meaning
Unfortunately with slang and dialect an every thang most are used improperly T.B C.

So many facets
So many lines
Too many pending loves in my life ..........
Waiting........
Hold please........
Please ......
Dont go.....
Malicious virus.  
Im trying. ......
Im sorry .....
Wait please....
You are important to me .....
I ve eatin the mushroom that Alice gave me
Ive shrunk into
The map below us.
Im trying to reach you...  
I can hear you
I can see the problem up ahead ........
Please ..dont go
FATHER PLEASE. ...NO......
Its just an update ....and i can repair this avenue that connects me and you. ......
So so so sorry my friend
My long lost best friend ......
My Father my
Gosh how badly i wanna see you again .
Its my stupid software.
It doesnt recognise time....
Ill be there.....
Soon....
Workin on it Dad... .
Sorry had a few more things go wrong
Girls .......
Do you remember the time when ......
Dad ..?
You still there?

DAD.......?..

DAD!


NO ...
PLEASE?
DONT GO.

Please..........
Please...



Im shaking .....

Love I love life ....
I love my.    
Self.. .
when I am with you...
Somewhat less
When I can't be...
Because of things unseen......
......Love.    ?
You know that life is created and based on memory
Some have bad some have good
I have a good memory.......
Which is not good ....
Because I have a lot of bad memories......
Which cause me to collect ...
........
things .
Like different things,
Like why did she say that..or
Out of character acts...
Why did she say it like that...
And especially why won't she say that ....when I triangulated the conversation.  In such a fashion
Then this phrase is the only way the convey what is being said ..
Instead she changes subject.....
Gets mad and reacts
...
I see patterns, tells,triggers ...
My mind is the only thing
I have to depend on to defend me...
Love .......I love you ....
I'm so very happy......
Loving life live with you.
Love making with you beautiful memories
Creating loving memories is the greatest part of my life.........
Integrated motivating me to generate positive frequencies ....
Living to be selfless and fully
Giving and encouraging......
Giving me courage and strength beyond my means .........
When you act indifferent to me ,say mean things and laugh at me.      
Leave me alone and ignore my messages.    
I hate me and the way I think and how humiliated I let myself get I torture myself
And the prospect of you loosing me doesn't seem to bother you a bit........I am the iconic catatonic wanna be your true love but will never be .......because you are perfect to me and i love you unconditionally and completely............... And that is I guess not how love works....unfortunate for me

If I had the full power of the potential I've bottled up inside
Over the years of swallowing my pride and putting my angers aside.....with all the pains
Fears and tears .
Dark lonely days walking home in the rain..loves lost or takin away.....all of it...
all of it all at once ...in a pill
I'd take it ......and then
I would stand like a giant
With all that power
Could you imagine?
And I would walk to 7-11
I would demand a free slurpy.
Instead I would get laughed at
.... probably
And I would not receive a free slurpee.......
Because no one will remember any of these sufferings.
Not the way it was felt by you...
And no one's gonna apologize
Not the way you need them to.
Nothing you have suffered through will elevate you ...sorry
If it were true
I would have died from diabetes
With a coke and banana slurpee
A long long long time ago

Sometimes throughout the course of lifetime
Within our minds eye .
We .....elect to select what we collect
And reject what we dont expect we will use
Then refuse to accept that wich we covet but neglect
We should loose  
Understand theyre lies a connection between you and youre perception of thee pinnacle epitomy
This unanswerable billions of years old enigma
This excruciating revelation
Within you and me in variable degrees
Who really are you how did you come to be you.
Doesnt feel like somehow you always  knew you would be here
But the vast millenniums of waiting with not knowing what exactly the experience
But knowing the colossal gravity of having this one opportunity
Billions of epochs things our mind cannot conceive tempting
Yet we knowing fixed waiting silently respectfully motionless
Showing nothing less than pure irreverence
At long last you are here youre pre - birth recollection
Magically gone
along with respect and comradery
With regard to the experience shared between you and me
This is what has  eluded me .
Depending on the hue of my eyes or the shade of my skin
You fools click and then decide to include ,exclude, vote to
Quote unquote ,let me out or let me in
Keep me out or keep me in
****** me or let me live ?

Rythmic
1  2 do something good
3   4 or
4  5 thrive in the value of
4.669

Eluding is the variation unseen
Through the porthole
Of an uncaring mind....
Consistency is the well spring
That consistently brings change ...
Positivity over time.... .
The key unlocks how you be too
The change you will see
That it is the only consistency
Change is inevitable
Fate or destiny
You can decide.
Change or not
Do or die
Dont complain to me......

The
Vector...........
Of
Violence...........
Can be
Impeded with intelligence
Tempered by
Experience,
And absorbed
By understanding!
The vulnerabilities no matter how obscure is complete irrelevance
And wherever you are
We've all had glistening tears
When we broke ,clutched our souls ,
In disbelief,
Weak on our knees like vagabond's
Waiting upon the reaper.  
Facing the sky we all look at the same stars.  
And those same scars are the bars
That imprison us in the game....
Made of fear ,guilt,and shame .....
We make these wears ,,,,
Invent these games and believe
What we know in our hearts
Is not real or true ........
Maybe you been hurt by someone
You so looked up too
I know that
I lived that ......
Its a feeling no one should go through.........
Be the person you needed
The person you could have looked up to.  
The one you set all your standard's too.........
Cause no one else will
Unless you will......
Just because you could .....
Then you know you should...

Skrrrrrrrrrrt
Don't get me wrong there a whole long long longggggggggg
List of M'er F'ers that need that need to be plugged in the mug

That feeling when you eat
For the first time in 5 days.....
It's so good you graze.....
Then the pain...
It's a distinct pinch ....
In the abdomen .....
Striking similarities
When you haven't dated
For a long while
Then when you do..  .
You know what you do.....
Then the pain is the same
Except it's in you're heart and stomach and arms and legs and hair and soul
It's a distinct feeling that stinks