I know the shallow ....
Mostly hollow part
The empty fields .....
Burst forth with pain
And misery.......
I have fallowed them away ...
External me .......
Seeing everything clearly
Is not what brings to me
Good feelings .....
It's gritty......
Duality ........
Head in the sand ....
Avoiding normality.....
Looking cheerful and
No worries....
It's all good ....
Yup yop that's me...
Fatefully yours ....
Externally

Ink ban.......
Dippin dinky donuts
Don't care where the drips land
***** coffee stained canvas
In contrast to splatter splashed crimson
Schism after schism ...........
I'm contemplatingvalot of things
Got my toes in the sand metaphorically
And trying to write poetry
on wet tissue with Red crayon.....
It's like drawing a schematic on a live moth wing,
Ampersand
all the poems
End up verbal ***** talking about
Making a video of me
Eating my heart out reciting
the unexciting recipes
I have tried and
asking how can I sell it as muck bang?

As I wander in quandary
I ponder less on what's been squandered ....
I don't want to see ...
Focused mostly on  soaking in dulcet fantasy
These pangs of sundry pains
From priorities rearranged
Seduces me to escape into
What could be
My heart grows fonder....
As I continue in thought of you
Help me.....is this my fate or destiny.......
Am I distorting reality.......
I'm really begining to wonder
Will these lessons ever lessen
Is it   obsession  that  pervert my intentions
Am I  the reprobate?
Does my wanton state
Negate my ability of keeping my head straight..........
I'm just pondering here...............
During conversations.........
My infatuation scales conversely
With my linguistic agility
Along with chemical imbalancing
Lexicon gone
Let's just say I struggle the um
To get duh
The word me say to you........
So could it be
Things you say to me
Might be rearranged
Used to fuel my campaign
Unbeknownst to me
Completely
Incongruent to what you were trying to convey
Naw.      It couldn't be
.......ERrrrr could it though........
Or how would I know ??????
Maybe I'm a smooth talking  genius
With a deep jazzy dj voice
That makes you mostly want to listen
As I spit my game
At the Same time
Im
perpetrating
Another clever deception....
Extorting cupid to do his thing
Making you fall In love with me.....
By writing the worst so called poetry the word has ever seen
Hmmmmmmm,
I'm shifting from pontificating
To exacerbating.......
Do I think these tactics and my immaturity
Will persuade you to love me....
I do ...
I think ,therefore I am,
And you are.....>
Because you are everything
And I will never be caught....
Not being in thought of you
I will live forever trying to recompense
The immense happiness you have givin me
I'll do anything ........
"C" ko mo no
You are tha Kaarrcktt one for
Me Ott Minnon
I love you Sara.......
Please talk to me

To you whom
No one could hold a candle too...
To me
You let love come through ....
You needed someone
To take your pain.....
You were my Cain
And I was Able
I loved you

I see the words on the screen
Instantly forcing me to my knees
Face grimaced,,,every muscle tensed
Tremorring eyes bulged bloodshot
I'm slobbering,,,
Chest collapsed in my hand
Fist gripped so tight skin splits
And in the silence
Ten times worse

.........

.......
  

Nothing.........    


Stop ignoring me.  




This is madness

After what you told me

Love I love life ....
I love my.    
Self.. .
when I am with you...
Somewhat less
When I can't be...
Because of things unseen......
......Love.    ?
You know that life is created and based on memory
Some have bad some have good
I have a good memory.......
Which is not good ....
Because I have a lot of bad memories......
Which cause me to collect ...
........
things .
Like different things,
Like why did she say that..or
Out of character acts...
Why did she say it like that...
And especially why won't she say that ....when I triangulated the conversation.  In such a fashion
Then this phrase is the only way the convey what is being said ..
Instead she changes subject.....
Gets mad and reacts
...
I see patterns, tells,triggers ...
My mind is the only thing
I have to depend on to defend me...
Love .......I love you ....
I'm so very happy......
Loving life live with you.
Love making with you beautiful memories
Creating loving memories is the greatest part of my life.........
Integrated motivating me to generate positive frequencies ....
Living to be selfless and fully
Giving and encouraging......
Giving me courage and strength beyond my means .........
When you act indifferent to me ,say mean things and laugh at me.      
Leave me alone and ignore my messages.    
I hate me and the way I think and how humiliated I let myself get I torture myself
And the prospect of you loosing me doesn't seem to bother you a bit........I am the iconic catatonic wanna be your true love but will never be .......because you are perfect to me and i love you unconditionally and completely............... And that is I guess not how love works....unfortunate for me

If I could fly away I would . .
I should . ... ..
But will I ......
If I could be something else.....
I would become poetry ....
More specifically ......
Poems written about you
Using the perfect words placed perfectly which roll off the tongue like an ambrosial candy
Revealing everything beautifull
I see in you.........
Only for you to see how much you meant to me..........
And you just walked by looking for something better.......