Without histoy...
Who should believe...
Surely not us....
Within what we say
We feel is veracious....
Unfortunately  what people
See.....
Won't allow them to feel that way
Your character is always there before you...  .
It wears what it has to
Not what you tell it too.....
Its usually what someone said about you......

To Picture me,,
Not in love
Would be blaspheme,
And yet I sit
In reflection,
Recompensed by transgressions.....
Committed and convicted of after being forewarned......

Un fathomed .
..forgotten
Forlorned
Chalice full of scorn
Crestfallen
Mourned by the dead.....
Reduced to
Sit in sacloth
Pouring ashes on my head...
Like a pig on a spit
Basted with unsavory things I've done
Seducing  Karma was easy.......
A ruddy little nerd,
Told her she was pretty
The starving little dog ate every word.......
Filtered her eyes with poetry.....
I played the field....
Unconcerned....

Convinced her I was the one... ....
On the day we were to be wed
Fleeced her of everything
Left her at the alter without my vows being said......
now she's Obsessed
No good deed goes unpunished
I'm hex, vexed and hazed...
every glib quip spake
Or every woman that says goodbye to  me.
It's her face I see!
Knuckles
Bleed
Racked with splinters...
Railing loves door...
Afraid to let me in...

born for this chase.......let the race begin...
my heart to carry me
But my souls worn
Thin

..grasping for straws gasping for air.  
Used to return from the forge strengthened shiny ,glistening......
Clean.....
Now I'm the dross.

Fin...
..
.

.

Macerating in an addictive lifestyle,
Low key, complacent.......
At least appear to be,
Meanwhile
proverbial metaphorical analogy
The epic  inner turmoil
A gurgling cauldron of turbid water laced with ecstacy,
tupac,poprocks
ipecac, and Deepak chopra on **** amphetamine,,,,
I'm in a padded room a straight jacket
A handful of Vaseline,
And the walls are covered with *******
This makes my feel bad
MMMMMMMMMMM-KAAaaayy!
My.. psyche........ c.r..a...c....king
½- time skrrrrrrt....
K WAIT!
Psychiatrist please.....,..
No WAIT WAIT WAIT!
That's me ........
Psychologist please.......
Ya no.......no I know I KNOW!!!!!
What is it?
????
Ok ok ok gulp............
Oh .>......,huh!.....
Ok that's better
In retrospect I suppose I could either
Exccaserbate or exfoliate and extrapolate
That these things and occurrences in which
I am not only forced to pause
But also
I'm givin cause to say........
I knew this was going to happen!!!!!
Is not clairvoyance or esp.
It's the innate ability to see I have limited control of these things
.......
Meaning I can choose whether not to cause them ,
At epicenter ,,,,,
And controll impact and reaction in the second wave,
Rarely third wave and nothing beyond to infinity
And it's after the fourth wave when
actions ,deeds,and words heard
Get filled and covered in embellishments
Picked up and slung by our enemies,
Become festering lesions on our character
For everyone but us to see.......
.......
..
Everybody's gota be so **** polite
Nobody says a **** thing........
Well not to you......
Not face to face.
No no no,,,
Not these days .....
Behind your back?
Oh they just can't wait?
Then they're all about it
Taking **** rumor mongers
Backbiting chiding frenemies
Slinging mud day and night!

That feeling when you eat
For the first time in 5 days.....
It's so good you graze.....
Then the pain...
It's a distinct pinch ....
In the abdomen .....
Striking similarities
When you haven't dated
For a long while
Then when you do..  .
You know what you do.....
Then the pain is the same
Except it's in you're heart and stomach and arms and legs and hair and soul
It's a distinct feeling that stinks

Ah do ya know
Uh whatcha want?
Money fortune fame
Oh ...oh....
So you wanna risssssssssse
Above this mess
By emulating the very things
That perpetuate
The state we're in
Gotta cause a big sceen                  
Gucci Louie Prada
That'll cost ya
Lost ya
You can't see,
day dream.
Meanwhile broken hearted back at the ranch he sat motionless on the edge of an old stump and stared blankly at the green grass on a warm august eve,
Alone .......waiting.................wasting.............the rest of his life.....

Years ......
Slide by
abrasive.
Tears..........
Melt adhesive
Fears...........
Fickle ,undeserving
cowardice things
Humongous fungus among us.
In the shadows of being free,
Breeding iniquities,
They lie in lack of understanding ........
Keep you from dreams........
They are not real ....  
And never as bad as the seem......

Honestly speechless
A full return to innocence
Mingled with iniquities
I  study to see......
Is this a counterfeit
Or is it legitimate ..



Dimly lit .
Mourning the theft
Of future memories
From the grip of
Damp cold misery ...
solo ride ,
Lone wolf .  ...
Weighing time
and what little I have left.
I macerate in thought of exiting
....
Exacerbating.
Is this really it?
In steps the Queen
..
Pruses me ......
I'm caught up in a stare.......
Pontificating in dulcet fantasy.....
Pulled down more than a few degrees...
Imbued by my badly bruised longevity ....  
Am I selfish enough to let her love me......
Yet so sweet is she to want "me" in spite
Of me.....
I'm on my knees pleading to the executioner for  clemency.........
For this surely is
A woman worth far more than me....
Greatfull !Humbled
Honored  
⁶⁶ě
....standing in awe ..
You seeing passed all my flaws....
..caught up in your stare.........  
SARA..........
I was  just  jazzed to be there. .  
As if  you didn't know ...  I fell into you deeper every day......
Thank you.......