As my world burns ........
This....episode...the lost love......
I . .....scene 1.
As the crestpucular rays .....
One by one  
Fracture thick brooding  horizon.....
With a lascivious quickness
Devoured the darkness.......
For a brief moment.
A rare ......
Precious glorious brief moment .....  
Before reality set in .....
I barricaded every pathway
Held it with my life...    
As I lay there on that beach ...the cool refreshing waters....gently  
Caressed my bare feet......
I watched without a single thought ......
Slowly.......and like it shall ever be........
Dull views began to ripen ..the dew and wet rock glistened .  
I watched .....
I listened......I heard Spanish musica .....
I smelled the ocean...
I heard a whale breach spitting mist.....the a low crushing splash........
I could hear the sand under water  sanding the ocean floor ...I watched  
I viewed as
Charged particles emmited from the nuclear fission still twinkling touch down after millions of mile journey.........
Instantly caused colors to bloom and .....the warmth layed on top of me like a giddy girlfriend.......
I smirked...
..a tear of great
Humbling greatfulnes .....
Like a fat happy dollop of honey dropped off my chin .......
A hot seductive wind ......came in
Overwhelming with the smell of paella.......
The fragrance of a small handfuls of fresh saffron......and I swear I could taste warm sangria......
Empty minded ..I lay there and smiled    ....an almost feeling as though embarrassed to have all this lavished upon me........
Undeservedly...
....... I heard an albatross .....

Barricade cracked  ..... My mind .... Started to  force me to think .....
I heard a gunshot........
Saw clouds ...... The wind breezed sand into my ears.....
The colors faded .......... The water was freezing ...... And smelled like death ........ My breath stank ....... I felt a raindrop.......
My body felt heavy ..... My chest hurt ........
I looked up ......  
Lightning cracked through the sky ..........
Just one thought .....
At first ........ One.
Just ............
Who am I .......
When the thunder exploded above my ...... I saw .......
The blood........
My eyes  rolled back .........
Involuntary
Flashback.........
Too many questions answered at once .........

And I was back at the ranch.......
I could smell gunpowder    
And the thunder clap ....couldn't escape the canyon.............
That dam albatross .........
Albatross ......
Brought me back from the flashback.......
Im alive ........
Am I still me.....
Where am i?
How...am. I....?
.how di...d
I.... ......
Paranoia like a murderous nervous unfamiliar house guest.....
Sinking in      
The albatross and another ......chimed in ......... As I lay there paralyzed.......
Little poisonous   pieces of memory.....
An Im terrified......
Thinking ......
Thinking ....
Thinking
Where is she.....
Does she know     I'm alive?
Does she know .. where ..  sky's black and grey waves out of rythem and foamy.......
Another lightning flash . Hits the sand right in front of me .......
Just behind ......... Her .... Her makeup smeared ... Face grimaced.... Soaking wet ..
.lifts an axe ..... Screams and swings at my head ........
Just as the blade....
I'm alone again ........ I'm ... In my bed.......

I hear a voice clearly it says.....0
Meanwhile back at the ranch......
...........................

Fickle ,
Unpredictable,
Random ......
The simply complicated state of zen......
It is what makes it so blissfull.......
Unwell wishing for some .......
At the other end .
Of the spectrum.
No use tryin to hide the pink streaks     ....
Like acidic streams
Cutting caverns down through my puffed cheeks....
The saline
Leaks .....
From my eyes....
Stings ........
Dreams .....
Lofty ....wonderfully
Thought of
Dreams .....
Beautiful sanctuaries.....
A place to hide and smile .........
POISON ....
They can be
Like walking down a slightly sloped ..oily
Razor blade.....
Dreams  .......
Have them love them . ....
By all means ..
Never fall in love with them ......
Never  fall in love with them
...........
POISON
......
IMPRISONED

Oh so now you wanst ta talk....
I don't suppose this has anything to do with your new boo ....
Telling you to kick rocks?
Ok let me ask you this ?
Have you natured enough to
Listen ?
Oooooo k.....
Remember at the end of show....
You said why
Don't you ever have my back....
And I said ..... I always have .....
Not when you're being faulty ......
Because you and me are good....
Me and faulty ...
Naw  I don't want to get hemmed up cause a you.


I don't need any partners for that ****...
I'm tryin to look legit.

Get it

Include exclude
Hoody
Goody two shoes
Refused
Muse
Bruised
The
un-amused
The Bruiser
Used
User
Brooder
Glib glad
Big bad
Mad
Intruder
Pied Piper
Without a pipe
Best friend till
The end of dividends.
Then I'm the
Outsider ...
Again......
Friend ....one
Me ......public enemy ....
Seemingly somehow
.......me.......
Only .......
Lonely
Scarred
Marred broken hearted **** star.......
Giver
Taker
Mistake ... ...
.........Great ........
Underrated fickle faded
Disassociate
Yourself from that one.......
All these without the pleasure or pain of commiting
Any one .....or admitting ....
No proof .....
Evidence or reason to believe ......
If you care to inquire ,
Study my profile...
Look into my
Character....
Interrogate me
Polygraph.....
Or skip all that
Go straight to
Private investigator
My intentions ...have always been to befriend and be friend ...
An always
The encourager .....
To the point of taking second place and the blame and punishment
Meant for you.........
henceforth the labels .....padlocked..
To my neck...
.........
Well..........since we're alone ......and I have your attention...
One ...........
Just
One ........
Just..........
One quick mention.......
My neck may bend down like a willow  ...only so far  ....where it stiffens like an oak.........
Stand in front of me while you slander with a sludge hammer .....
Till the handles
Broke........
Stoking the forge....
Fanning the flames
setting the stage for the insatiable
  "Morose delectation"
.............
without detection ....
Or reservation
Oh yes let's play this game .....   Ohhhh
....you shouldn't have ..but you did.....let's dig in........
decades of holding back the cries and crimes against my pride........
Dark clouds ......comming....
Down ........
Burnt cienna...
turnt ........
Charcoal grey....
Into black
Is this your wish ....?
To ****** and reduce me to  Schadenfreude?
Good.    .
Bad......
Pleasure  .
Pain
...these are the costumes you choose to wear
In lust just remember
This is youre hypocrite flipped script. .
And I'm playing the part ........
Let's not forget
I train every day and play way harder....
Psychotic ******* who so needs an outlet ......  Pain inflicting Olympic gold medalist .....
Oh you insist.....
You make me blush........
Get your game playing costumes on...
***!  
Comfortable  in them . .
Great!.
Go ahead then
Wear them out.....
Love .....
Hate    ... .
These wears are reversible..
All the patrons under the marquee......
You invited them in   .....
The came to see blood .....
The tables set
It's too late  and I'm hungry.
But maybe you don't  
Parlez-vous français ?
Huh?
Maybe you shouldn't play.... .....
Well now ....
Let's see.....
Your production.....
I played my part........
So you should pay ......no?
...or maybe.....
s'il vous plaît
Be........ My...
"Roman Holiday" ......
Oh .. yeah....
You do.....
Ok .......
Help me change .. ..
You know I can't do this without you .....
Hey I'm talking to me

Is it or was it ever....
Infectious?
Without delay
MmmmmM
May I direct your attention to you .......
As when you partook as much as anyone ....
And as your witness ....
You did confess .....
To abstain .....from...
Or any effort to .........was  um......
Un fortuitous..?
Mmm hhm
Yes.........
Let us look at your perspectous.....
Wasn't  it you whom .... Spoke these words .?
" .......... Shhhh ... No ......
Listen  
.. all I'm saying is ...........
Well.......
It's so callous
How we walk through a room and know the ones who like us ... A month later ... We see the same and  can't even remember them at all......
39 years later.....they    
Stood still
Living an existence they hated
Devastated......
Consumed .....
Still the fiery passion they had for us .....
Paramount....
As we go mumbling
Stumbling along looking for someone to love us.....
If we could drop what the media does to us ......or tell s us I guess......forces us .........controls us ...programs us .........perverts and lies ......
Flagrantly ........
We . ...drop all this beautifull artificial stuff ...and live liberated ..
In a perpetual state of elated
Happiness ...contentment
Having some one we treat like a queen ....
Or better yet ... Who worships you .... And you can be cool ... An they be that for you too!"
??...!...?.!?!?;?
So I believe ..... That I can speak quite frankly ......
For you when I say .....
Yes you......
Are just as infected as the rest of us ......
Inflicted and oppressed  .....
MmmM hhhm.

Sey yes
This is what the commercial world does to us....
With the filth advertising evil science does for us.......
Be us or not be at all ......
If you want to live you gotta want it all

When you think you got it ... It's really nothing at all ...
You're worthless  
.
Unless you wear this .....
Pothetic ....

Love I need!
I could not see;
Love I had
Didn't want ...
Me.....
Hostage negotiaton ....
Traded for the love that wanted me....
Still I couldnt see ........
Untill love wanted me ...... I had scorned love .......
Never satisfied ...
When the love
I wanted
..  .
Wanted me.....
I understood .....
All the more reasons that this love is the one for me ....
I just wish I wasn't so jaded scarred and ugly.......
Guess that's what she wants.    ....
My love loves me ....
I love her the best  I can ....
The gentle lover I was once before  ....
Lurking .. .
Brooding ...
Haunts me.....
Love?

Such elegance ...
Each syllable
A pleasure ......
In every sense...
Intellectual stimulence
Lets our frontal lobes,
Mingle with indulgence...
The fragile side we so deftly hide....
Set to the wild to run free... .
It's a broad point...
A guillentine
A lexicons
Aphrodisiac.