I may laugh at you
Doesn't mean I want to
An its not cause o your misfortune.
What does is your jumped up joco monkey fit.
And you so in disbelief screaming
"I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN..!"
well if that's true then why you so ****** man?

1253  lie awake  
Hear the  dry mechanisms
In the clock searching desperately
For any distracting thoughts
Tictictictictic tic tic  tic  tic .  .  .  . . . ......
Finally !....gravity!
compensations mathmatical
Calculations with variables!
This rythm fluctuation in timing
I had thought maybe
I was imagining....I'm not!
It's real in fact perfectly predictable  ....  
its not intermittent
or some symptom
of mechanical failure
The tic of the clock speeding
Then slowing its not the batteries or something discrepant in the machining....
Its so simple  ....
The weight of the second hand being the longest is pulled by gravity.........
so as it hits the six you can hear a lul in the ticking as if it were dangling without tensioning on the gearing
Then you hear slow struggling up to the twelve .
Where it sorta teeters then speeds sounds like it's trying to hold back the sands of time
Time... .
Time..............
h no ......no...please
Let me sleep,
Here comes the wave again
Pain full perfect memory
The clear and present danger
I know is immenment
The discovery ....
They'll see I've been pretending
To be innocent
And my biggest fear
My most mind breaking soul shattering life ending fear.....
Is they will think
I had taken pleasure in
Getting away with it...
So I relive it ...
I transfer myself into the ones who hurt the worst
Become them and absorb the worst case scenario
Over and over......
I lay awake ....
I live the humility of being ...
In the .....
I know I'm guilty wether I'm caught or not.......
I'm not trying to get away with anything .....
I just don't want to get caught...
Suddenly ....
The door slams like at the end of ironsides.....as the footsteps echoing down the hall ...
Louder aproaching
I see a big green question mark
Teetering and ticking above my pursuant....
Ohh no here it comes again
BAM BAM BAM.
this is it
My day of reckoning
Should I run .....
The door is opening

In the orange and red glow
Locked behind iron clad gates
Of no one will ever know
Let the heat from the fire caress you cool shimmering minty tassels of silk
In feverish bliss
A soft wet kiss
Give inhabition to remiss
Give in to this
Let the sounds of pleasures
Lift and set you adrift
honey dew drips from lips
Pulsate with pastel vibrance
Purple to yellow
Slowly set down
Into satin and sweet rest as my voice echoes
I got this

I love you

Your mission ???????
You can't handle.
You wanna try ????
Uuugh    ohhhhhhhh K
So there's a place
Takes no space yet it's real
You can't feel it directly
You can see it digitally !
Allagorically...
The concept will elict difficulties
Set aside ample time to digest
In a safe place
Close your  eyes
Figuritively role them back 180 degrees from vertical
And horizontal plain
Hope fully you're comfortable
And if nothing went wrong you should be in awe
Of the view   .....
Watch what you do....
Welcome to you......
Focus please take a reading of your compass
Stay on task and don't ask questions
Of you may not come out of this
Look to the tempral lobe
In there youll see the hippocampus....
See
Do you see a door that reads
episodic memories are formed and indexed here?
Good this is where you want to be to accept this mission
...
Ready ???
Here it is
This place is the network center
Where every word you
(The collective you and all that
And those that make you "you "
Persona ,the dreamy you
The critical in self awareness you)
Have thought or said .
What I need you to do is read all of them in chronological order
While feeling the emotions you see attached to them .....
When you find ones that wronged or hurt any one
Fix them.....
K ? See you when your done
..........
Want me to lock you in?
What ?
You can't ?
I know
And you shouldn't try

Let it go
And live
My love.........
Life becomes the past so fast
And we're different
So of course you are gonna make
Mistakes
F... Em if they can't fixem

Can you be like me?
Oh wait if you do
Let me distance myself
Eventually you're going to hurt me.....
And it's going to hurt  
A hundred times more  
And for a million years
And I'm not even gonna wanna be
anywhere near that mess
No no no
Not me
Not havin it
You can keep that ****.
I ain't even playing player
Naw
Uh awe ....
Keep that **** to your **** self
Fureal

This wrinkle in intrusive batholith
juts high with quickness
Decomposing slowly  I rage upward groping and feeling her nakedness  
I'm ravenous wreckless insatiable
There's only my sanity  to keep me from harm engaged to death
I laugh Ive disabled the alarm
This mountain I take for granted
This granite I color with my blood
I love her so dearly feverishly
I leap and bound
My heart pounds
I know there's gold and crystal my love she seduced me with samples
Under her moss
I heard her say stay
Dig deeper there's more ....
She is my love
She shall always be .....
She will never leave me
she will take my life.......
Some day surely
Its a pact we've made .....
When?
She still won't tell me.......
She calms me .....
For She sees the murderous
Rampage devouring my persona
Under this mask of happy go lucky
lies the Sweet suffocating sullen
Madness and it's wearing so thin.
She says SHHHHHHH
It clears me briefly ...
I muster on.....
As leave ....
The wells fill with salt and saline for to escape from reality
Briefly is sanguine .
Lucidity comes on
Memories flood in
She is the only distraction
I know .....
She keeps the razor from wrist
How many years ....
Gallons of tears ....
How many ?
My Mother sweet Mother
My Father .. Dad ....
I took for granted
My dieng heart longs.
This mountain of granite
Will take my life ...some day
Untill then i know she won't go away..
I try to break her take it all out on her .....
I know she loves me

She stays
She says.

One day it's All happy happy
Then its me me me
Then its what about me
Jealousy
Insecurity
Look at me
Can't you see me?
Can you hear me?
Hey   hello ?
Where'd you go
Vanity ,calamity
Tragedy.
Wait woe no
Help.......
Me
No hey
Don't go
Stop hold me
You can't be......
Gone instantly
Mom
Dad
Me
Alone
Death .
Wretched
Bellicose *****
Maestro of the hollow halls
Echoing from cathedrals of woe
Conductor of maddening maleficent screams ender of dreams......leading the u greatest symphonic misery
Don't look at me..... ..

I don't want to understand you..

I'm sorry because of you....
I'm sorry .....
You can see me
The real me
The bellows that blow gail force winds of the lee's
Continually into the white hot coals of sickening lust burning within
I'm sorry.....
I'm so sorry  for if I could
I would take the blade straight from the forge INVOLENTARILY
Run you through
And end you misery.....
I see you ... .
You can never not be
You take away love
Yet no one loves you
I'm sorry for you.
Is this my lesson
I don't get it  
My pain doesn't lessen