Where has my identity gone to
Is there any me left .?
I wonder and ponder as I wander ...
Am I afraid to be alone with just me....?
Or am I just too great to say no?

Cause I want to know where has all the me time gone ?
What about the me time .......
Cell phone ..  ...emergency up date
No boundaries ......
Used to be a  ringing phone was an invitation,
Not an obligation .....
Now we're  under surveillance 24 7
Can't sleep ,go online and every time robber sees your up ...

In this paradigm
Two types I find .....
1 those who endure great suffering
Silently.  
2 those who suffer and tell everybody...
Even to the point of embellishing
The ladder of the two I believe
Ease their suffering,
Because the listner should appreciate their efforts ...
Although it is the latter of the two
Who ......sees the least visitors .....
If you are of the first group .....
And your sufferings are too many  friends
Who need your help
Because no one else will .....
Help ....
Feel free to tell them. About all  your sufferings.
It will help.
I promise you.

Poem poet poetry
epic battles perpetually
If your same team .....
Me vrs me......
You know what I mean ....
Living In Dichotomy...
Socially hypnotic .......
Isolation is another thing .....
Take paper and then break the pen
Turn it in to an I.V.
Shove it in
let the hypocrisies splash out as crimson
Like a pleasure in pain
contrast against stark white tapestry......
I paint the picture with my writing ...
See what I'm saying ......
I shutter with every word ...
This is therapy ........
Plus in this way I'm the only one who bleeds ....
Sometimes sad ........
Well yah.......
At least I don't have to deal with police.  
Lol ....kinda

This is not a conclusion ,
Maybe a solution?,
Or more like delusion
Heavy fog bearing convoluted contusion,
Like a blank check
Giving immunity and Carte blanc opportunity to sling this polution like drug king ........
Is there somewhere we can go and get off of advertising .....
It's a disease I......
We don't need .....
Or ......actually uhhhhh ya .....now i don't know
If you start to feel like you would be like a vegan at a meat party
Feeling like the only way you could fit in is if they put you on the menu....  .
Because you reject the ads you need to get clean from that ****.

Lover my love......
I'm lost in my mind .
And so afraid ...of     ......
What I might do ....
I can't loose you......
I can give you what you need.....
slowly die while you lie so sweetly next  to me
pacify the practical you
superficially.....
Poison me with domesticating Fatal agony .......
when you smile
Your eyes show me the Feminine fire
Smoldering inside. .....
Don't do this to me ......let me be.....
what you created........
The day you said hello.......
And manifested my destiny......
Please baby this killing me .
I can't just be the minimal man....
Take a kiss on the cheek ......
Then let
Bittersweet tears  ......
Fill my hands
You say your proud .....
Of me ........
To be .......
Your lady.......
Love me don't tame me ......
I can taste the raging animal in you
I need to give you what you want ...
With you I'm untouchable .....
I hunger for you without end,,,
My thirst for you Sara can never be slaked
I will say I love you till my mouth break.
Yah........
I can give you what you need ......
I don't want to .....
Yah ......
I can give you what you want
Thats what I want to do .......
Yah .....
That's what I need .....
Yah .....
But if I do ........
You wont want me.

Shutter without color ..
In the pale moonlight.
In repose
The enigma grows
Juxtaposed my stigma
Hypnagogic state
I contemplate perfect pathways to
Rehabilitate the inner vision of how  I would prefer to be percieved.....
Even though I know even so I go .......
Cue to the inner dialog....
"Oh.....sorry. ....uhm
Uh EHHM
This time it's gonna be different!"
Ok thank you . ..Mr ego.....
Lost somewhere between delusion of gandure and  philanthropy ave.
Meanwhile
Sudueo psyco psyche
Acting as though I have no idea what's lurking under the surface.
KNOCK KNOK
*** whose here ...
shhhhhhh
No !
WHY DID YOU OPEN THE DOOR.    
You let the iniquities in
Relax bro they brought some dope ....
What they bring?
A bowl of lasciviousness.......
Paranoia sets in
As if clandestine
Locked in
the bathroom with the hot shower on and the light turnt off
eyes closed
Sweat glistening
It's hard to stay focused when it feels like someone is listening .......
I'm getting busy exacerbating......
I go from in your endos to worst case scenarios like a pinball machine.
I think about things I've said and things I didn't say and opportunity missed and the long list of things I never followed through
upon impacts
Corelate similarities
To what I've done and  Acts done to me ....
And how I react to these....
When carna gonna be here and whats she gonna bring .....will it be something severe or a bunch of little things?
Am I the only one who doesn't get to be unkind......
Is it just me or is that just in my mind
Empathize for the vision compromised
Who cannot cannot see things right
Because they lack the ability to view the world through my eyes and  thus fail to see my sacrifices.  
All the good I try to do ..
And all the goodwill I think about . . .
I really want . ...
No i really do .....
At least I think I do....
I think I think to much ....
This is what I do to relax
......
In pops a memory

My councilor keeping me after school
..trying to teach me a thing or two ...she would say you need to learn to say no ...

So shed say
"Say it!?!"
I'd say
"No!!!."
She'd say
" are you saying no to me .....or are you saying no "!?!??
I'd say idk
Oh she taught me some things .

. Back then it was cool. Now it's a felone...

I'm a good person..
Honestly
Ar least I think I am
Or maybe


only I can see me as I really am ......
...
Or do I?

Wet with tears ....
Slowly closed into an iron maiden of irrational fears ....
The vomiting shutter of utter shock
When the icy cold realities
Start trickling in . ..
Pupils dilate .
The senation of sinking within ....
Hackles up upon the gruesome discovery ...
Of your lovers deeds....  
All your nerve ends wiggle straight up out of your skin
And writhe like little white worms and you slide down a chalk board for miles ......
Hit rock bottom ......
That's when
The poetry gets good

They stood.....
Monolithic,
Dark canopy allowed no growth.  

Ancient timbers of ironwood.....



Buckle the land ,
Fell by my axe in hand
bark and limb......
Used to build the funeral pyre,
Ring the knell and set it ablaze
Flames licking nights sky,
Torrent fed by my pain.
Cyclones  of scorching winds
Driving  everyone away,
Through the plumes of smoke ,....
Crackling sparks illuminated my way
Power induced by trauma. ....
Channeled without fear .....
Focused to a beam
Intention set to redemption.....
My word is my world
Safety features shattered ......
Laboured unimpeded.....
Coals melting rock ......
No way to control
Fixed gaze .......gritting teeth
Fists gripped so tight skin splits,
Bearing weight causing shin splints
Feeding on back biting and chiding
Insatiable thirst

Kept only by tears wept

Rendering this forest glen
Into inhabitable zone
One by one I alone
Drug these timbers across  barren sands of the dunes...
Drove them into bedrock...
Under a blood red moon......
And the clouds loom burgundy with traces of gold ...
pungent musky plumes of revenge
Like the kind of scars that tell the tales
Which will never be spoken .....
Secrets that
Change everything.
Take away something
You never get back ....
I weep not for my acts .......
Lachrymose   most tears fall for what I've done to me ...
I grieve for the way life used to be.
Machiavellian monster  
With the trees I built a panic room.....
Because of ways I faced a future of doom ....
Imprisoned within this personal tomb....
I pace ,
reflect .
In retrospect ....
I pontificate.   Round the clock ....
I squander everything to ponder In quandary. .....
Ist there a difference between fate  and destiny ...
Is this preconcieved.......
Birth to grave?
I wander and wonder .....
For I know if I can start over again ...
I wouldn't change a ******* thing .