I can hardly see......
Fortunately ......
I didn't have too
A gravitational shift
Directionally specific
Everything I knew.
Or ever would do
Bent with perfect radii and focused through
A parabolic lense
So vivid and magnificent the view
When you walked into the room
For the first time I saw you ...
Imprinted .
Prime directive
My blood boiling .....
Inflicted with fantasy
My heart swims......
within
Every dulcet compliment
...
,Both given ..
and received.
lavished in an oasis of genuine honesty ......
Each word well thought .
Picked perfect ,precisely placed .
Gramatichally structured ,perfect syntax .......you're in good hands
Aphrodite .....
I got this ....  relax ......
dark yet memorizing tones.....
The first night we spent together
Oh my God OtMinon
That was my first dawn from that point on .
Every day the sun sets
My heart falls deeper.....
My fear grips me harder.    
My actions speak less ...
I get stupiflder
I with you and my guts are writhing ......
So afraid of loosing you ....
I act like a fool and I know that's not the guy you fell in love with  ...
I cant stop .......
Thinking wondering and being dumb dumb.... .
Help .....*** am I doing .....
Where am I going ....
Im in love with my fantasy
And she says she loves me
......

But ......
































































­












Intentions


Where hospitality
Rivals that of royalty
Weather you know or dont see
I am immersed in big gulping flames and your love is
The crystal cure pure sweet quenching rain the saves me
You are the velvet nectar that nourishes me
  
Velvety sugar sea,
Laced with mur
every
Decadent  
each succulent secont
My addiction increasing lasciviously.....

Innocent pause
Air thickens
And the silence grows into  Psychoaudio static
Swift apology
Self defeating .... .
I know the real me ...
Authenticity fleating
Time will reveal
Expeditiously
The broken emotional inner me  
death where is thy sting ....
Irony .
I Romeo without you dear Juliet.
(Quick note "Juliet"  a metaphore for Sara
Trying to paint this picture as best i could depict ,thought this was a good fit given the rhyme scheme and everything, )
(Meanwhile back at the ranch)
Eagerly take the first drink...
For I assume she's not into me ,
Self esteem berefts my confidence ......
If only I could have seen
How she felt exactly the same about me
...
Instead paint like a deaf mute
Awkward flowers flood the room
Without sound
Air begging to crackle ...
Slowly doubt creeps in like Fractal plumes .
Chest heaves ....
One giant tear .....
Poison sets in.
She smiles
Drys  my tear ......
Says .
I love you...
I only exist to see you....
I die

....
Fade to black

....


Fin

Up and I roam in the gloam
Wandering wondering and pondering ....
On
How I can better love you ...
Crespuctular rays ... as the sky
Turns to a dark plumb
light consumes the grey
My stays eternally entombed
With the fear of loosing you.
viened with gold....
New moon
Sees everything new
Last month ended
Ended on the last  day . .
Today is a new day ....
Different ..  ....
Yet not in always .....
Because it starts the same as everyday...
Opportunity to love you .....
The perfect part of the day ....
When you hear me say I love you.

Youthful.
Gullible.  
Happy just to be ......
Still .....
I knew ...
what or who
I would come to be
And what will I do .....?
Oh so many fellow
Lost during those inquisitionals....
Force to choose without choice ....
Poor souls.    
Still haunted by my voice
For I to withstood  the dismal trials a time or two.  
Undaunted .... I met them head to head ......
With ambivalent ambiguity
And unapologetic apathy......
Untouchable I simply knew ..  
Of what who or do .....
I didn't care .........
I did know where
I not just wanted to be
It was more than the sum of all parts .. .


affinities we find ,
pleasures
Vamped selected from feelings
Treasured memories
We keep for clarity
Condense into themes
Give us justification
For trading our life away.....
And those days when
Do or die you do for too many days psychee in mame and destroy without mercy because
They use me and then push me and then manipulate and humiliate 1509 miles an hour laughing hysterically in a winebego bout to smash hilarileoylusly into fate......
Woe. Woe Woe.......
Before we get that aggressive
We have a collection of these
"Set aside pleasantries"
And awhhhhh drift off into daydreams .... ..
Happy to have these ......they should be
Unfortunately "they "alow you "these "
Because daydreams it would seem are like promises
Remain
....in the state they are created ....
I know I hate it too.
So back to the subject at hand


Do you wanna know where I was  to be .....my will desire ,want ,need ,will, longing yearning...my obsession ....
Prime directive my all my everything my destiny.........
It shall be revealed in part  to
And FYI....
It has not changed
But it has been ........

Night
Alonely ....
Try ...
I'm trying not to be .
Ya between the lines I mean.
In side the black and yellow
By the pail blue moon
I rummage silently
Through this train wreck
Up in the cascades by sorta by Steven's pass. .  .
Little treasures in time
I find ..........
No worth ......except to me
Shouldn't be here. .
........I know ...  
But *** ......nothing else i can.  
Do ...  
WOW  is this what i think it is .....
Someone dropped a syringe..  
It's a metaphor for ...
I'm jaded. ...I done everything
I could do .....  
Except this .....
I mean. .......it's been a hard trek
To get this far down ......
This ...........not gonna lie.......
This is ****.......
I MEAN **** A F.
nervous I don't know what to expect .....
Pushing it in ......  
Kinda like a strong cup of coffee....
Wait....I should mention .....
I'm deranged and strange
Done so many things
Went from legend to insain
Now nothing slakes my thirst ....
So I'm not in my arm ....
I'm just left of my throat....
And I've already drawn back the plunger .... and
Pushing all of it in ......
Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhghhhhgggggg
Good golly miss moly........
I open my eyes and im 5 feet deep in your carpet .
I can't believe I'm here
And this is the highest I've even been .....
Lost and don't want to be found .
Don't nobody say anything.....
Actually go ahead .....
I'm covered in gold .....
I'm a king .....can't feel a thing
I'm so high
I ant never felt like I could feel like this .......I mean
THIS .......
This is like the pinnacle..... .
Higher stronger ........
Untouchable.......
I got you .....
I can't believe that waited this long .......
I had no idea . .......  
Monday,
WORK ......**** .....
it's time .....
I haven't slept yet ......
Saul good ...  
I'm still high .......
Call in sick .....
Then again ......
And..........
Oops ...Friday.......OK
I better atleast go today....
Still ain't slept
End of the day ......
I'm feeling it.....
I need to go home and slee
Nope
.....I'm up in the clouds again ......
I'm never looking back
When it ends i won't shed a tear ...AYEEEEEEEE IM JUST JAZZED ...
TO BE HERE.......
And .......ya ....
I'm still here .......
But BABE .......
WHERE ARE YOU.....
If you don't know . .  
This is a metaphor of my life and the syringe is you .....
You got me higher than I have
Ever even could imagine ...

I'm addicted to you ......
Never considerd.   Not having you.....
I'm lost and scared alone and dope sick for you acting like idk .....like a *****
...*** is wrong with me .I'm not needy !
I'm cool !
Well I used to be ....
Now I  need you ......
And I'm dope sick
I need you ....
BABE?!?!?!?!?!
WHERE ARE YOU
I NEED YOU

Paper cut my eye
Tears and snot. ...
Unshaved face grimaced ,
Contorted, out of sorts .
Not pretty ...I know
Grasping for anything to hold ,
Break the strength
Pressure.....high pressure .....
Teemering inside
High freq tea ***
Spasm....yelp
One release
Then one more
Like a bobble head
No more air
Push
No
Maxed
No more air .
I'm empty .
Floored lungs flat
Stuck like contact cement
I'm buckled .......
Crumpled
Un even .
Ugly .
Nothing ........
Will ..........gone .....
Your gone.......
Will ........I..


Go .......
On


One


No.....


One .....



No




Half......


I'm half



I can't stand ......


I'm torn




Half ......





You........


Left





Gone



No one could replace you.......
You can keep the half
...
I'll give you
This half to .....
Will you .....
Take it please

Take me with you ....
I will go with you and not burden you ......
If you don't......
I won't........
Be OK

With out you.....


Please
....


.i.........

Rouge .....
So low i don't know ,
It's dystopian cold
Icy blue river flows
Maelstrom ******* noises
Caught up in the undertow ....
Easier though I have the strength
But not the will so I let go.......
Inundated and saturated with hate
Soul bruised
infused a delusional contusion
Frozen pushed too deep
I refuse to breath  in . ...
Close my eyes i feel warmth
Open ....... .In front of the salamander,asti spumante
A well made blanket
I'm dry except for the saline stream that goes over my flushed cheek
As I look you in the eyes
Thank you Sara .
You saved my life.  
I want to make you my concord  claufotis ......
If you don't mind.