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Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
When I look at myself from a different point of view I tend to see someone that I can't stand
It's a face who has fallen to the trails & tribulations of life
Someone who has no patience nor never will have any
A face who has something so deep and dark inside that it's impossible to face
Monster, creature, or whatever it maybe there's someone who isn't who is the other person
Some people call this a disorder, some people call this 2 faces 1 body
Stepping outside of who I really am and stepping into that person would mean that I no longer care for humanity
This face has no fears, no cares, and nobody but himself
If you were to encounter this face how would you react?
Knowing that someone has 2 faces 1 body without letting it be shown
How could the other face let those who he loves know this without being a * up
Nobody there's because nobody cares; especially if they knew who this person was
A face that nobody would recognize, a face that is unknown to even God
A reflection of this face may make the other face seem like a *

Having 2 faces 1 body isn't a disorder, it's my way of blocking whatever it maybe so nobody would ever figure out
You or anyone that knows this would look at the 1 face and then see the other face and think that ain't right
I wrote this poem because allot of men don't realize that they have 2 faces, what I mean is that when things go south we have to become someone you're not. You put a mask one, to guard yourself. To put the mask on is where 2 faces come. You always have 2 faces.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Poetry isn't the same anymore, something is missing or doesn't feel right.
I used to write to get through my trials and tribulations so I could keep learning from my mistakes
I used to write to express myself to others that didn't understand me completely
I used to write for allot of reasons but why keep writing if that isn't the same.
There are allot of reasons of why I should keep writing but not one good logicial reason of why I should keep writing
Nobody reads it anymore and that makes it clear to me that don't nobody give a * about what I got to say through my words
of my trials and triublations
Family was the main reason of why I started writing, being isolated into a dark place at a young age
What the *
is family now, my family will always treat me like I'm nothing but an Otto
The people who I surround mysaelf by look at me and see someone I am nt due to my decisions and mindset
Poetry was more than just words on paper for me, it was my way to face reality.
Poetry was always there for me when I had nothing and nobody, it never deny me anything and always made my life allot easier.
Writing from a place where I wrote from isn't something easy to do, it took allot out of me to write so deep and dark,
from the palce where my midset was for so long, no longer will I write from that dark place.
Poetry is in my past and it will forever remain in my past, no matter wht the case is I'm through writing.
Goodbye Poetry!!!
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
What is life if you can't go on with it?
What is love if you can't get it right?
I don't know what to do anymore
When I try it's nothing but the same results
I don't know if I should be here?
Maybe I should take the blade and end it all
Where should I be if I didn't even go with you?
What should I do? Should I let go?
Wake up every morning with a fake smile and pretend as though I'm happy.
Trying to find my path where I belong;
Getting lost with every step and decision I make.
Nobody understands how I feel deep down inside
Nobody can ever look at me and see what I see
I don't know who I can turn to for advice or just to talk,
Every day I wake up with the same regrets and pains that I created for myself; do I give in to what lays in the back of my mind?
Oh no!
It's been a while since I felt like myself;
Walking in shoes that aren't mine, pretending as if everything where I stand is okay when I belong somewhere else.
Nobody see the tears I cry, because it's the path I choose; so forgive me for being selfish.
Trying to hold on but growing weaker; I'm slowly dying, the day I'm laying under ground I'll be fine.
So many years of fighting my burdens, giving all I have and yet they always seem to win.
I had a purpose but now I have nothing, wish I was having a nightmare but I'm living my reality.
This poem means allot to me, i wrote it because I was broken by what happened in front of my eyes but I was too blind to see it. the woman I love broke me down in every way possible. To be honest I am still broken but I have to stand my ground and fight for who i love, no matter how broken you are. believe in yourself and always keep FAITH.
Dedicated to AMY PEREZ
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Old friends now seem lost, taking risks, do whatever they feel and living life at any cost. I try to speak truth but all the things i used also do. is there more to life just getting high to get by, I'm just happy the light has hit my eyes. Things that i see, remind me of past history, had to make a change for myself, don't wanna end up on cemetery. Some are too far in and to deaf to hear my words, i give them advise, but from me it sounds absurd. I guess I can only save myself but that isn't enough. Don't want people I care about to be living rough. As I go on I hope for the best, not to go back to old ways i struggle with everything I have left. If any are smart they will join in and so what is right, realize life is to precious and we don't need drugs and crime to fight.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
In order to start change you must make the choice to be willing to change
Choices start from the heart then the mind follows
Changes happen after a person realizes that what the affect was on them and those who surround them
Once that certain person begins to start making the right choices then the progress will slowly affect the person
No matter how bad or good the choice may be, you're always left with a choice
After the choice there's always a reaction to whatever action may be, it's left up to you for the outcome
The outcome will always be left up to you, make good choices and good outcome; make bad choices and you get bad outcomes
Change doesn't happen over night or in an blink of an eye, it will take time and willingness to learn what is necessary to change
Not all change is for the good, many people fail to realize that change can be bad results
Not due to the willingness or the time but the focus of which matter is off the right direction and leads to only chaos and destruction
Many of us don't think about where an action my lead, some of us think before we act and that is the difference between right and wrong
With every choice that is choose it leads you to a place that is unknown, darkness or the lightness is the only two options you have
Choices always start from the within, meaning the heart, the soul, and the spirit; without these 3 being focused on the choices to change
there's no point in trying to change
The heart is the muscle that controls who you are
The soul is beyond our reach, it is the one thing that is unique about us as humans
The spirit is higher power inside of us, either from above or from below;
When all of you is one then the change will affect you and those surround you allot more than what it did before
But without your whole self then the choices to change become pointless; you'll just become a creation of your own self destruction
By making choices to change you must have the right mindset and know what you want in life.
I wrote this poem because i realized at the worst time of my relationship and personal life i had a choice to change. No matter what happens in life you're always left with a choice. It's up to you if you make a choice.
I made the choice to stay and fight for what i believe in and who i love.
Dedicated to AMY PEREZ
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
I built these bars of confinement around my mind, bars of my own making. Confined myself to this cage, this confinement of pain and regret, nobody to blame but myself, at least make it to where there's no more room for anymore thoughts of bitterness and the pursuit to confine myself to harm myself. As the regret builds up the cage of confinement, it gets smaller as I bigger, no where to run, nobody to cry out for help. My regret and pain makes these bars get closer to where I can't see my reflection through this darkness, confined to a place that my mind is telling me this is it, it's where you belong.
As the minutes pass me by the more my confinement gets the best of me, forced me to sell my faith and realize that I don't know who I am anymore, I lost the only person who could make this confinement collapse...MYSELF!!!
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Why do these memories haunt my every thought? Memories that I once cherished are now those in which they haunt my every thought. Which lays in the back of my head is the memories that I want to become reality but once you have it you wont get it back; second chances are give to those who already had more chances that they could ask for. How do you deal with these memories; trying to replace them with every opportunity you get or do you let time do what is necessary and fade away from those memories. I want these memories to be forgotten. To vanish from the back of my head; nothing good comes from these memories but pain and misery; of my own creation. I created these haunting memories and now I have to deal with them. Being the created of your own pain and regret is worse thing to me. Cause with creation comes destruction; destruction is the end of the cycle. Trying to build a foundation while deep down inside your being destroyed piece by piece; it may last a lifetime but by the end of the lifetime you'll be nothing and have nothing but destruction will remain no matter what.
Creation isn't always a good thing; creation can cause chaos and within that chaos comes the end of it which is destruction. Destruction is a structiure that is broken down to pieces unseen by the eye; sometimes these pieces are more within which only one eye of the can see. Beyond the sight of others to where one can see within where the broke pieces are seen; creation then destruction isn't just a rhyme; to me its the realest. Because this creation is what will make my destruction the reality of my life. No one knows what they create until they see it within themselves. When a person sees the creation then destruction within themselves that's when a person has became their own creater within the created; they can see the structure of who they are become destruction and watch their life crumble within themselves. Probably thinking I'm ** insane; in reality I'm medically sane. I see what others cannot see within myself. I see my creation then destruction every time I look in the mirror; every time my mind takes me to the point of who I became. The question I ask myself every second of everyday………WHO AM I?
Wrote this poem because I created something inside of who I am that will eventually destroy me. This destruction I made was of my own making. The regret, pain, tears i made shed and cried, all the emotions and events that lead to this destruction is who I am but also who i will be remembered by.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Depressed by the thought of loneliness
Eating me up from the inside out
Some time there ain't nothing that could be worse
Just want to scream and shout
Had to much time with just feelings and thoughts
Staying alone is all I truly know
It's making me feel like **** My Life
Don't give a **** what I'm really about
Someone who wants the best for himself
But I haven't been real on some real talk
My words don't mean **** anymore
My thoughts have been chained and cuffed
And that muscle in my chest is blackened
But even worse than before
So what's the point of having a soul
It ain't 6 feet down in the ground
No one that truly knows me don't even
Want to hear my name or want me around
With that being said why am I here
Don't want any parts to do with it
Send me on my way
Just say "**** It."
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
I ask myself over and over again
Am I good enough?
There are times where I don't think
that I'm good enough to be with you
Lately all I've done is making things harder and more tough
Sometimes I look at myself as a failure in life
How can you be a good person when all you do
is cause pain, hurt, and misery to those who you encounter?
Throughout life we fail to realize what our decisions
Impact others more than impacts you
To have the ability to step outside yourself and take a look at yourself
Tends to not be a good trait
It allows you to see yourself for who you really are
And seeing who you can make you start to see the bad and the ugly
Changing into someone you don't reorganized anymore from who you were
When I step outside myself I don't enjoy the view I'm seeing
I see a monster inside a young man ready to die
Apart of the side that lies withing is someone who I that isn't who I truly am
How can a person love themselves when all they see nothing
but the pain that person created and caused?
Can a good person become a bad person by the choices and consequences that they encounter in their life?
Questions without answers is where I'm stuck in life
Failure is a state of mind, if a mind is stuck in a state they can't find
I wrote this poem when i failed to be the person I promised myself, as well as o the woman who i loved. For that I apologize!
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Deep down inside I hate you for what you've done to me, How you made me into the person I never wanted to be, But honestly, it's not me but it was you and that's a tragedy. I've fought so hard for you to realize something real,
But even that would have never change how you really feel. I've learned a lot about myself through you, Knowing I'll never make the same mistake because of you. We all deserve what we've been through and this my karma
coming back because I was a fool.A fool for love that I thought I could get,
only to hate myself and live in regret. Life goes on with or without people you thought would always stay, so remember that life can change any day. Breathe deep and take in this life with a smooth flow, making sure that one day happiness will show. Being sad is no longer a feeling I will confide in, but it's a thought that my mind will no longer let in. You see, we have to let go of the past that haunts us, if we don't it will turn our heart into dust. It will **** us and break us down into nothing, but I refuse to let it happen because one day I want to be something. My scars are my story, of all the times life become to much, but my standing tall is my way of saying life I haven't lost my touch. Never give into this world no matter how tough it may be. But stay true to yourself and you'll always be free.
I couldn't come up with a title for it then and still having trouble coming up with a title, if you can help me please do.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
How do you tell someone that you love
That doesn't love you back
That you care about them
But not in the same way
Maybe they just like the thought
And it's just another game
That they play most days
In their day to day life
Not worried about others
Only themselves during this fight
That becomes a battle
A battle of lost and found
Where they split off on groups
And literally hate each other
Saying I am better than you by being me
What about them?
They are them, it's the exact thing
Agree to disagree
Find yourself in the mix
Find yourself in the circus
But don't get lost in it
We are stars sent from the cosmos
Humans looking up from below
I see myself from where I should
I am looking down like I knew I would
We are lost in the sins of our ancestors
Parents before us who didn't have all the answers
Lost in someone else's perception
It will take only the holy to fight this battle for them
I praise myself for wanting to try
I could have it all
This is my baby blue sky
But I am sick of being alone
I need my family
This has always been home
Home where is the heart is
And I finally found you
I will want forever
I just hope you want me too.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Why is it me who cannot let go of what was and never meant to be?
I know that I love you and I pray to God that you have some type of love for me,
any love from you would be beyond grateful.
I understand that and can see that you have moved on,
I am happy that you found someone who could do what I could never do, the right way and treat you like the queen you are.
So why is it seems like i'm the only one here with this haunting memories.
These memories that haunt me come when I attempt to move on;
memories of the good, the bad and the ugly eat at my soul every time I think of you.
When I look at you I can still see a tiny sparkle a fire,
Not the kind to spark a fire,
But the kind of sparkle that you see when you looking up at the stars.
Spark that will have you blind at first
next thing you know you're lost in an whole other galaxy within the site of beauty.
As you're trying to catch yourself from slipping off into another world you have thoughts come at you like a million bullets flying past your chest,
Now that you have lost sight of you desired the most
you have no choice but be compared to the rest.
Contemplating why in the hell did I do what I di to her
She was the only woman who truly showed me what loyalty and love was.
Now she doesn't want anything to do with you,
You're telling yourself to let it go,
but how?
When you can't stop thinking about what was, and meant to be.
You're telling yourself that things will get better,
But in reality you and her already know things will never be the same and never will get better.
Actions have be proved wronged, and words that were said to one another have been carved into a blackened heart.
It's best that now you and me should let it be known that it wasn't meant to be; not now not ever.
just wanted to let you(you know who you are) that i never really felt this pain that I'm feeling right now, its a pain that goes beyond and more deepen than the heart.
I wrote this poem for someone had a huge impact in my life, she changed me and she don't even know. I know I made a lot of mistakes, if that what you call them. And i can admit that my part i failed, i just want you to know that i'm not the same person who did all those things. I'm grateful you gave me an opportunity to be apart of your life.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
From the first day you inspired me to be better
But I got blinded from what you needed
And now you can't stand the ground I walk on
I never thought I wouldn't be wanted.
As you walk by, you don't even look my way anymore
Pretending as if I'm invisible to your sight
As time goes on, I pray you'll forget I'll ever exist
It's the worst for me but it's only right
Never brought anything worth your time to the table
You don't deserve all that you have received
Many days and night of regret and heartbroken, so much
Anger built up inside making me so unstable
Going on day by day wishing for the light you used to shine
To shine me to the path of righteous, not towards
The path of my own destruction where I'm heading
No longer is there a need to hold on to
Something we both know I making our lives full of misleading.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Time is the one thing you can never get back in life
You can't rewind or fast forward through time
only live for the moment you are blessed with
Time to me is more precious than love
With time comes blessings and lessons
Which you choose it to be you can;t take it back
There's good times and bad times and everything in between
Many of us try to weigh the good over the bad
And tend to ignore the in between times
That's where the conflicts approaches and becomes more complex
Time isn't temporary nor forever
We as humans only have so much time to tell our story
Then it's back to mother nature we go, either in a pine box or ashes to ashes
We fail to realize that every day that comes and goes is another day we lose
Life is never judged by the times we have, but by the moments that take your breath away
Neither good or bad times is the way we look at ourselves
It's by the people, trials and tribulations we face on a daily
When a person tries so hard to make up for time
They tend to forget about the moment they live cause they're looking behind
Time has limitations and if crossed then life becomes more difficult to deal with
ME personally I believe that time is what I need in every aspect in life
Maybe that's where i go wrong in life
Living by the minute and not by the minute
Time is never lost or gone, it's always going to remain
After I'm dead and gone time will still be here
We humans fail to realize that after we're gone what will be left
The in between times play their part of life
In between times are those moments where you can't decide to choose right nor wrong
It's based from off emotions and opinions; yours and your loved ones
Time is often mistaken for the wrong reason a and not the right moment
Be grateful for the time you have because soon your time will come and you'll be judged
Not by man or woman but by God..he is the only one who truly knows when your time is up
Before that split second comes
Take the time to cherish and precious to you before you let the in between time make the choice for you
Whatever may come and go is temporary and only lasts for a moment
Pain and misery has an no impact on time
Those are variables in life that we cannot change
We as humans live off of emotions and actions
Both of which you choose to deal with
Dedicated to Amy Perez
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
It's hard out here
Boys become men to young,
Making they lives harder they needed
Putting they lives at risks; it's all wrong...
They trying to hard to
Make a dollar out of 15 cents,
When they know it ain't easy
Barely got enough money to pay they rents...
Knowing that they can catch a bullet anytime
All they know are drug & crime,
Hanging out on these streets are rough
Being in the wrong place wrong time...
To have to look over your shoulder
Everytime a car comes around the corner,
The longer you stay in the game
It's going o get harder & harder...
They say keep your friends close
But your enemies closer
They didn't say anything about bullets flying past my chest,
To take a life at such a young age
To say that i passed the test...
To see my family go through all that pain
& never be able to forgive or forget,
Running & Dodging bullets
It ain't worth it...
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Loving the ideas of someone you say you love
Allot of us tend to love what a person can do for there instead of who they are to you
Making the word love just something to say to keep that someone in your mind game
Not caring aboout the sequences that follow your actions
Many of us desreve it but someof us actually do mean good
Although there maybe a thin line between love and lust
Love can sometimes be mistaken and mislead to what love really is
Is loving someone putting them before you put yourself?
Is love the things you do or the things you say?
Maybe love takes sides depending on the situation that we are faced with?
All these are just ideas, something that comes through our minds that we tend to think are love
Not knowing is a fear, false evidence appearing to be real
Some ideas are better than others, those ideas are the destructive thoughts and actions of what follows.
Ideas of love can mislead as something or someone that has not true purpose in this world
There's the good, the bad, and the ugly; then the ones that are between the lines
That's where the secrets and actions of those ideas that force certain things and people to the point
of where I sit as i write this.
I wrote this poem because I felt as though I was just an IDEA to someone that I love and will always love, she knows that my love will never fade away or change. You are more than just an IDEA.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
If you were to look into my eyes
You would probably see a coward, someone isn't ready to make something of himself..yet
But if you were to look into my heart
You would see someone who knows what he wants
What he needs to do not just as a man but as a person
If you were to get to know me, the real ShaQ
You would probably not talk to me, run away or most likely I'm gonna lush you away
If you were to observe my actions, language, and situations
You'll probably want nothing to do with me as a person
My actions make people see someone who I am not
You'll get tired of my disappointments, lying, and betrayals
But if you were to look at me
I mean look at as deep as you could could possibly see,
What would you see?
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Why is it so easy to love?
Why does love always seem to disappear?
And the people I want to listen they turn
And don't want to hear.
When I needed the most it was not there
So why does it even exist
When it does not exist here.
I thought God had a plan
But now it looks like I'm lost
And why does love always
Have such a high cost.
For the day to come, I hope it comes first
And if it doesn't make it the right one
Never my heart stuck in the past
My heart tends to fall for you
But you never want to forever
I just hope you can get it
And we can come back together
It seems like God knws me
But why doesn't he send me one
One that I'll love and not one who just in it to have fun
So God if you hear me
Send me a great woman I love
And not a little childish girl
That only wants it without a glove.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Thought I didn't need anyone
Turns out I just needed a mom
The black sheep
I was never apart
Furthest away from your heart
Things have changed
I'm growing old
I don't need you
You still feel cold
I'm out of sight
Out of mind
I don't need you, I'll do alright
I don't need your blessings
Or your cash
Without your help I'll make a splash
Land on my feet woth a crash
I'm happier than ever
My life's brand new
And most of all
I'm not like you.
© 4 years ago, Shaq Jordan Otto   life  
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Masked Man
You think no one sees you, but you are wrong; i do; though I shouldn't.
You wear what you perceive to be a mask
A mask of what you show to others
Made up of bright colors
Colors that match all your friends
Those friends you discovered are foes
With hideous all crooked nose
In terrible greed and green
All covered in filth and obscene
I have never seen you wearing your mask
I see who you are underneath
And even so
I have never seen your eyes blink
Those eyes
They stare with a stare that transfixes me into staring
Lost eyes. Seeing eyes
You are different
You feel smells, and breath colors
You love with you thoughts
And somehow, I see you
I really see you
I read you
It's not a mask
It's a shield
Hiding the deeper thoughts
The darker places
The dreams of death
Lost loves and solitude
Surrounded by people every night
You feel more alone than ever in your mind
Because you never let anyone in...not anymore
For their sake and your sake
You never again let anyone see behind the mask
SOmetimes I wonder if you like it that way
You know the advantages of welding words
You enjoy playing the dark mysterious corner
As well as you do the light of the party
But no matter who you play, no matter what mask
you wear, you always hide bits of yourself. \
Pieces that should be pressed,
Parts that you trap inside yourself the mask like a lid...
Just do go there, you push aside the things like they mean nothing.
And you think n one notices.
But I do.
I see you with you unblinking eyes
I read you, between the lines.
I hear you, when you don't say a word
The man, the mask, are nothing together
Without their shared secrets.
I wrote this poem because the woman I love showed me that I have a mask, but only she can see through it. Vise Versa to her, she and I are the only ones who can see through the ******* and drama. You'll always be the one for me.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Nobody knows what I go through
I wish they could put themselves in my shoes
They see a cover that is rough ridged and messed up
Not knowing that deep down side
There's more to the story that most don't know
More than anyone could possible think of
Losing everything and everybody to my flaws
Loneliness is the mark of my life
Waking up with more than I can bear
Going day by day dealing with the same on my mind
Trying to figure out how to make things right
But to be completely honest there's no way I could make it right
I've done to much to even think I could do such a thing
Family and friends are now gone
Thoughts and feelings are all I have left
They don't know what I'm going through
Knowing they don't give a **** if I live or if I die
Don't care what happens to me..not now not ever
Ask, think, or wonder what's going on in my life
They just see a smile on my face and a man who isn't worth the time
They never tried to understand who I am as a person
Nobody Knows!!!
And they will never know.
I wrote this poem because i'm just like everyone else in this ****** up world, I have somethings that nobody ill ever know. Most of them are about the woman who has the biggest part of my heart.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
1 is who you, me, and everyone else is
1 is where we start off with and is where end up with
1 is simple but yet complex
1 shows you who your true colors
1 is...

1+1=2
2 is a birth or a curse
2 can either make you or break you
2 can be joined into one
2 can last forever, if wanted to
2 is....

2+1=3
3 is where something further exists
3 is the heaven to where I belong
3 can be a living hell
3 could be life or death
3 is...

4 & 5
Is the possiblities of something even more
Is the chances of a lifetime of change
Change for better or for worse
Forever or for now

6...
Where darkness will remain
Being broken without repair
Self is no longer the case
Death is your resting palace

Adding up to what is misleading and misunderstood
Subtraction the things that weigh you down
Equals means you are no longer the importance
Numbers that have you hand already dealt with

Numbers that take control of what is reality
But for me it's the steps to what may lie ahead
Paths that mislead you to trials & tribualtions out of your control
No matter how hard you try to...
i wrote this poem numbers to my life mean allot more than the simple things, its complex to me. Numbers are possibilities that could happen. My favorite number is 6, not just because it's the day of my birth but because of this poem. What's your favorite number?
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
This feeling of regret
It's tearing my heart apart
Killing me slowly from the inside out
As the days pass me by
The more I dig my own grave
Making me see what my real purpose is
And why I need to just be gone
This path of self-hatred and everlasting pain that I always cause is of my own creation
What cause me to make this path?
My loneliness, bitterness, my lies, and my actions
These are the things that made me keeping seeking a journey to the end of this path
Searching and searching for answers that can change my outcome before I reach the end of this lonely and depressing walk to where life will one day end
Although it seems that no one cares what happens to me now?
Not then, so why now?
The way I see things is that with me out the way
I'll never be able to hurt, betray, or lie again
Those whom I wronged won't be miserable and disappointed in me
Now that I'm almost to the end of this journey
I haven't found my answers that I seek so much
I'm praying that I'll get what I'm seeking before I make the decision to call it quits
I wrote this poem awhile go because at the time I was ing through allot and was on the path of suicide. One woman helped me get my life together and make me believe in myself again. I will always be grateful of you.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
The more I think about who I was the more I want to lock myself out of this world, its eating at my soul, turning my heart black. Making life more complex, my thoughts are deeper than they once were. I feel different, I see things different, I see people and hear things for what they really are. Questions race through my mind on a daily basis, I'm searching for the answers within myself, although the answers are right there I cannot find the place where they are. The person who I was stares back at me through reflection, it tells me who I am today is just a put on, a mask that is now my new identification. I'm ID as a pretender...
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Do I remain the way I am?
Or do I become the beast that lies within?
How do I let this go?
Should I leave or should I stay?
What's the point of you and I anymore?
Can I look past how you played me for a fool?
And how you lied to straight to my face?
When we first started dating, you seemed different,
How can I tell you any different from the rest now?
Why is it that now I can't even look at you the same way I did before?
Why did you lie to me about something that could stop me from becoming a father?
Did you mean to do this to me or were you unaware of this certain thing?
Why did I put my all into this when in the end it ended up with the same result?
Do you honestly care that you did this to me?
What made you look at me any different from him?
How can you live the way you do, knowing that you could take a pre-life at any minute?
How do I overcome my fear of death again?
If i die who has my back?
Should I give it God to deal with?
Do I ask for forgiveness?
How do I forgive her?
Is there a way past this?
How do I release all this anger?
Do I let her see my pain?
Should I release all my real thoughts on her?
Should I just run away?
Would it be bad if I just disappear?
If I leave who would truly miss me?
When I'm laying on my death bed who's really gonna be there?
If I die tomorrow, where am I going?
Is there a Heaven for someone like me?
If there's a place for someone like me, where is it at?
Should I stop writing about this?
Should I give up on poetry?
When I write, my heart is with every word, but why am I writing if there's no reason to my words?
Would i do it to anyone else?
If I die tomorrow, who would honestly read my poetry?
And if they read it would they feel my pain?
What that being said, would you as the reader be able to contain all my pain?
I wrote this poem because i have, had, and still do have questions without any answers that I need to improve myself and become the best man I can be.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Why is my only way to express myself with this ink?
Why are these words on paper the only way I'm able to tell you how I think?
Why do I think what I think?
Why did I pour myself another drink?
Why does lie pass by with what seems to be one blink?
What's my life's missing link?
If I sink who has my back?
If I start to slack who will keep me on track?
Are they just trying to bask in the glory?
Are they just trying to live off of my story?
Are my prayers heard?
Will my gurl always say these three words?
Could I reword my slurs?
Could I stop flipping that bird?
Why do I prefer it stirred not shaken?
How come what I say seems to alway be mistaken?
How do I keep my time not wasted?
How do I keep my life sizzling hot like bacon grease?
How do I release my animosity?
Is it just a bad temper?
Or am I throwing tantrums?
If not you then who will tell me to man when I need to hear thast?
How do I overcome my fears?
How do I sleep?
Is insomnia forever?
Is there a better?
Is it greener on the other side?
Would if the other side is just as rotten as this one?
Is tomorrow a new day?
Do I hold a promising future?
Can I just run away?
How do I know when I've arrived in away?
Is there ever really a way?
Should I pray?
Will she meet me halfway?
Is there a sale on answered prayers today?
Second part of Q.W.A. because i still have those questions running through my mind on a daily.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Why would anyone look at me and see something other than destruction and dysfunctional individual
Someone that has no sense of what he doing until it's too **** late
That doesn't realize the opportunity of which he faces on a daily basis.
On the other hand, you have a woman who regrets everything and never meant the attachment in what followed
Although things may seem like one thing it the complete opposite; that's where I fit in at this so called life
Not knowing the difference between sane and insane nor knows when things aren't meant to happen
I know I ain't * nor will I ever be good enough; not for you in any case in the matter of who I am
There may be times I don't deserve a **** thing especially not what I want and desire the most,
Love is a thing that I don't understand and to be honest I never will, it's too **** complex plus it was never meant for me
When you look my way that is where you *
up and make the mistake of ever thinking about loving me,
Loving any idea or thought that passes your mind you have become the insane
Not because of who you are but for the person of an idea who you have chosen to make eye contact
I have no idea of what you nor any woman that I cross paths with could possibly see in a black hole,
Something but yet inside of someone, destroying everything in it's path without any emotions nor personalities
Attachment is something that follows after encountering a person or thing that interests you in spiritual, physical, or emotional
Regret is describe as reaction after action as already been done and settled with
These are all what I am not and there may be a time where I am act on these but to be in reality it must be proved.
What made any woman see what you see in me?
Why do people do what people do?
I seen things for what they are and seen people for who they really are behind the ask and underneath all the *******. You can never hide from the one who loves you more than anyone.
Dedicated to AMY PEREZ
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
It's more a scar then it's a tattoo
As the times go on it starts to fades
But still it remains in the inner skin of my body
I regret getting it done to these days
Forget the name and the meaning ever exists
Never remember who ever gave me the title
Hide the smiles from everyone who knows why
Maybe one here and there but just for a little
It's worse for me, having to look at it every day
Knowing who gave it to me wants nothing to do with me
One day it's going to be gone, along with the feeling behind it
For that it will finally set me free
Sometimes I wish it would just disappear
Maybe then I wouldn't always feel like my heart is trapped in cuffs and chains
All I'm seeking is one day they'll break
And I can finally let go of what used to be my pains.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
As i sit here & try to remember you
I have nothing, there's no memories; hopeless
All there is, is an empty thought
It's just me & my older brother loneliness
Can't think of time when you there,
my first fist fight,
My first basketball game,
My first 18 years of life,
You were nowhere to be found in my heart or sight
Always felt so alone in a battle
That I know I was gonna lose to the streets
It seems like i've always got my back to the wall
And the world on my shoulders
I tried to fight this battle over and over
But i never seem to win
So I'm done fighting
Time to move on for good
i want to be happy & not angry
So i do love you DAD
You're in my past
I lost many battles
But I'm going to win the war
No doubt
I'm nothing like you
All my life never know what I was about
You didn't even try
So I'm taking the time to say
DAD, Goodbye!!!
I wrote this poem when I was heading into HS, it's about my father. I fall under the statistic of being fatherless child growing up. I don't hold grudges for anything, especially not toward my father. Nobody is perfect, he made mistakes and I know for a fact he'd do anything to be here with me and his grandchildren. Dad I love you & I'll always be here for you.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
[O-T-T-O]
It tells a story of who I really am
A story of pain & misery
It might be short
But underneath that is a long long tale
A tale that most people don't get.
Because I wear this scar every day
It reminds me that I can go through hell
And still wake up the next morning & live my life
To look down at it, keeps me pushing to be someone one day, to become what it is not.
Its darkness is not just in my blood, my body, & my soul.
Sometimes the darkness takes over me
It makes me feel like I'm nobody
Like I have no purpose of living
Those are the days of pain & misery
Those days are hard for me to get through
so I write the pain & misery with this pen
& paper then I burn it
To let people know it won't control me
Or take over who I really am.
O-T-T-O is my name,
But not my story.
This tattoo is a reminder of why i fight and what reason I have to fight for. One day I will be everything that this tattoo is not.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
You are blind
You can never see
All the anger built up in me
I hated life
I wanted out
You didn't care
You would just shout.
I felt so alone
Thought I didn't need anyone
Turns out I just needed a mom
The black sheep
I was never apart
Furthest away from your heart
Things have changed
I'm growing old
I don't need you
You still feel cold
I'm out of sight
Out of mind
I don't need you, I'll do alright
I don't need your blessings
Or your cash
Without your help I'll make a splash
Land on my feet with a crash
I'm happier than ever
My life's brand new
And most of all
I'm not like you.
I wrote this because I feel as though I am the black sheep on both sides of my family. To feel like an outcast isn't a good thing. To feel as though you have to create family in order to have anything compared to family. Without creation then there's just ME, Myself, & I.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
As time goes on I realize more and more about what love and life can be compared
The good out weighs the bad and the bad out weighs the good, its a battle
Wars come and go but my soldiers stay eternal
Some times you win and most of them you lose to what you think is
Realizing certain things can make your mind go in a whirl
Even when the good is right in front of you, doesn't matter who you have by your side
There's may come times where you stop and step outisde of your step and see yourself
Forcing things that have no purpose: obstacles, trials, & tribulations
After that you face the reality of your own SELF
This battle is faced from within; always a war when faced with a reflection of who you are.
The battle scars that you're left with being a reminder of everything you did wrong
Some wounds more deeper than other ones, many last an eternity last.
We fail to realize time is the only thing in loife that we cannot get back
Today, tomorrow, next month, next year may come and we won't be able to know what is
But we're faced with challenges every one of these days
Some of us stand tall and do what is necessary
But for some we coward down and run away from what is right in front of us
Battle scars are the difference between the two
Many of us leave after the scars we get, too coward to stand the sight of blood, sweat, and tears
Then again some of us get this feeling to carry on, not because we have to but it's who we are
Who are you?
Which side of the battle you stand on?
You are a coward or you are a soldier?
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Time to move on with written words
No need to write anymore thoughts and feelings
Said to much, said not enough, said what had to be said
There's no reason for me to express what I have to say
Written words that have been my way out
Words that don't mean anything anymore
Words that have my way out of things that I should've said in person
Poetry is a way for me to express myself to those that I have trouble talking to and got me stumbled
My poems that I've written are useless, worthless, and meaningless
There comes a time when you said all you could say
Nothing you, me or anybody can do to that can change the words that have been written
Written words from the heart, from a place that only good and bad thoughts come from
Words that have caused so much pain, hurt, and stress
Caused so many people to judge me, look at me as though I'm a person who only gets their kicks from
Hurting, lying, and abusing others
Written words that may have been wrong
And that from this point on, it won't be written
Time to move on with written words.
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
After everyone in my past told me I was a fool
Yet I still remain to stay by your side
When we had no reason of being together and separating our own ways
Yet I still remain cause my love for you is more powerful than anything else that matters
When **** hits the fan and the fight comes, you choose to run while me on the other hand
fought for a reason at times i have a hard time believing it's a good purpose
Yet I still remain because I look past all your flaws and mistakes and take the blame as it was my own
There are times you hate me and can't stand me because i tell you what's on my mind and in my heart
Yet I still remain to be where I am to help you be a better you
You tend tend to ignore the sight for others while they use and mistake your kindness as your weakness
Yet I still remain to let you know that I got your back now and for eternity
You and your friends may think of me however you choose to think
Yet I still remain to prove that I'm not like the wrong ones you choose
Your actions toward me at times have me ready to walk away and say **** it
Yet I still remain to show you that I'm willing to put my ego and pride aside to make you see that I'm not that bad of a guy.
Dedicated to Amy Perez
Shaquille Otto Apr 2020
Someone who won't take you through what I did
A person who has a better personality and a amazing heart,
A man that will make it to where you don't have to look to anyone else for comfort
That someone who will make you feel like your whole, not just a part.
You deserve better than a man like me
You deserve better than someone who doesn't betray your trust,
You deserve better than what you had
You deserve someone who will be there when day to night and dawn to dust.
You know I'll always be here for you
You know that I'm no good
Your heart is all that i wanted
Its to precious to be torn, shattered, and broke.
You deserve all the love
You deserve to laugh
You deserve to smile
You deserve of all things.
You deserve to not have any fears
You deserve better than Sha'Quille Otto
You deserve...
I wrote this poem because I realized that the woman I love deserves more than I could ever give her but that doesn't mean I'm giving up, just means I've got to put 1,000% more than i did before in order o give her what she deserves. One day you will have what you desire.

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