[O-T-T-O]
It tells a story of who I really am
A story of pain & misery
It might be short
But underneath that is a long long tale
A tale that most people don't get.
Because I wear this scar every day
It reminds me that I can go through hell
And still wake up the next morning & live my life
To look down at it, keeps me pushing to be someone one day, to become what it is not.
Its darkness is not just in my blood, my body, & my soul.
Sometimes the darkness takes over me
It makes me feel like I'm nobody
Like I have no purpose of living
Those are the days of pain & misery
Those days are hard for me to get through
so I write the pain & misery with this pen
& paper then I burn it
To let people know it won't control me
Or take over who I really am.
O-T-T-O is my name,
But not my story.

Why is it me who cannot let go of what was and never meant to be?
I know that I love you and I pray to God that you have some type of love for me,
any love from you would be beyond grateful.
I understand that and can see that you have moved on,
I am happy that you found someone who could do what I could never do, the right way and treat you like the queen you are.
So why is it seems like i'm the only one here with this haunting memories.
These memories that haunt me come when I attempt to move on;
memories of the good, the bad and the ugly eat at my soul every time I think of you.
When I look at you I can still see a tiny sparkle a fire,
Not the kind to spark a fire,
But the kind of sparkle that you see when you looking up at the stars.
Spark that will have you blind at first
next thing you know you're lost in an whole other galaxy within the site of beauty.
As you're trying to catch yourself from slipping off into another world you have thoughts come at you like a million bullets flying past your chest,
Now that you have lost sight of you desired the most
you have no choice but be compared to the rest.
Contemplating why in the hell did I do what I di to her
She was the only woman who truly showed me what loyalty and love was.
Now she doesn't want anything to do with you,
You're telling yourself to let it go,
but how?
When you can't stop thinking about what was, and meant to be.
You're telling yourself that things will get better,
But in reality you and her already know things will never be the same and never will get better.
Actions have be proved wronged, and words that were said to one another have been carved into a blackened heart.
It's best that now you and me should let it be known that it wasn't meant to be; not now not ever.
just wanted to let you(you know who you are) that i never really felt this pain that I'm feeling right now, its a pain that goes beyond and more deepen than the heart.

The more I think about who I was the more I want to lock myself out of this world, its eating at my soul, turning my heart black. Making life more complex, my thoughts are deeper than they once were. I feel different, I see things different, I see people and hear things for what they really are. Questions race through my mind on a daily basis, I'm searching for the answers within myself, although the answers are right there I cannot find the place where they are. The person who I was stares back at me through reflection, it tells me who I am today is just a put on, a mask that is now my new identification. I'm ID as a pretender...

It's hard out here
Boys become men to young,
Making they lives harder they needed
Putting they lives at risks; it's all wrong...
They trying to hard to
Make a dollar out of 15 cents,
When they know it ain't easy
Barely got enough money to pay they rents...
Knowing that they can catch a bullet anytime
All they know are drug & crime,
Hanging out on these streets are rough
Being in the wrong place wrong time...
To have to look over your shoulder
Everytime a car comes around the corner,
The longer you stay in the game
It's going o get harder & harder...
They say keep your friends close
But your enemies closer
They didn't say anything about bullets flying past my chest,
To take a life at such a young age
To say that i passed the test...
To see my family go through all that pain
& never be able to forgive or forget,
Running & Dodging bullets
It ain't worth it...

I built these bars of confinement around my mind, bars of my own making. Confined myself to this cage, this confinement of pain and regret, nobody to blame but myself, at least make it to where there's no more room for anymore thoughts of bitterness and the pursuit to confine myself to harm myself. As the regret builds up the cage of confinement, it gets smaller as I bigger, no where to run, nobody to cry out for help. My regret and pain makes these bars get closer to where I can't see my reflection through this darkness, confined to a place that my mind is telling me this is it, it's where you belong.
As the minutes pass me by the more my confinement gets the best of me, forced me to sell my faith and realize that I don't know who I am anymore, I lost the only person who could make this confinement collapse...MYSELF!!!

Why is it so easy to love?
Why does love always seem to disappear?
And the people I want to listen they turn
And don't want to hear.
When I needed the most it was not there
So why does it even exist
When it does not exist here.
I thought God had a plan
But now it looks like I'm lost
And why does love always
Have such a high cost.
For the day to come, I hope it comes first
And if it doesn't make it the right one
Never my heart stuck in the past
My heart tends to fall for you
But you never want to forever
I just hope you can get it
And we can come back together
It seems like God knws me
But why doesn't he send me one
One that I'll love and not one who just in it to have fun
So God if you hear me
Send me a great woman I love
And not a little childish girl
That only wants it without a glove.