what am i truely to you reeled me in with your bate was only supposed to only be a  first date but was it fate kissed me held my hand now i have the great pleasure of calling you my man but do you feel as if we’re compatible or am i just another one of your fans in the stand waiting to be noticed but knowing i could'nt possibly have a chance given in advance gave you honestly on a silver platter who did you ******* and betray to turn out this way why am I being punishing  for the the ones before me

It doesn't seem to matter how much I do I always do so much to a point I over work myself and feel so tired that I fall asleep standing or sitting up and I get yelled at and I am expected to do more and more I'm only one person I can only do so much and everyone takes me for granted everyone says they love me they care and say they'll always be there for me and that's not the case they all lie they all only want me for what I can offer and give then they leave and treat me like **** and make me seem like I'm a bad person

It's funny how you say you love me, but the only way you show it is when your above me. Funny day, funny time, funny life and a funny way to show me you care. You love me, anyone can say it and not mean a **** bit of it. Funny huh?

I said "hi", kissed him goodnight
He loves my voice, but did I hear him right.

On a silent night, crazy fights.
Blue sky quiet bright, fading lights.

Dazing crazy, fluttering that hates me.

A boy who dates me is it kinda crazy, who are you to be amazed by me.

Finding something that doesn't concern you.

Looking for something that can't be found.

A love lost outer zone, a frizzy mess in complete distress.

Finding searching are you lost, looking for guidance, I thought you were your own boss.

Total loss, fabricated love we are not the swans nor doves that represent, shall we say true love.

We are the bitter black tar, give me a flame, I'll give you hell.

Give me your heart, I'll show you my love.

Give me a disaster, I'll give you a bliss

It eats me alive,  this sudden urge to just want to die. End it all, give them a call, tell them "with both of you I had hope." Thoughts of children,  flooded my mind. When my beautiful baby was taken by that time. I wanted to wake up and pretend it was lie, deny I ******* cried. I remember the night you were with my family drinking, I was in the room overwhelmed to much thinking. Just like you I was drinking, the bottle of ibuprofen laid there calling my name, taunting me. He doesn't want you, your a part of his game. No it wasn't the pills or *****, it was the devil calling my name. I wrote you a note, how I loved you so. I couldn't give you kids, I didn't want to live alone. The devil he was willing to give me a home. Ready for the next step I laid down, knowing if I was  alive or not I'd soon be found. You came in smiling alcohol on your breath, I smiled at you weakly seeing your face. I put my hands around your face and just cried and smiled. You seen the notebook sticking out from under the bed, I tried to take it but I couldn't. The pain in your eyes is what hurt me the most, it made me think I didn't deserve you. That I'm nothing, you pulled me up and stuck your fingers down my throat.  I'm still here, you saved me when I wanted nothing but you. While you search for different for better, but I'm simply for no one. I ******* hate that I'm a jumbled mess, I wanted love and respect. But **** me right! I guess. But non the less your sitting happy while I'm a wreak, beautiful lies and big regrets.  I AM NOTHING BUT ANOTHER NAME.  To your regretted list a beautiful bliss, a tragic miss. Crazy how it all started with just one kiss.

Crazy how time flies but the pain never seems to die, crazy lies and bitter cries.  Realize that my baby never really dies. Because it saw the shame in my eyes. Bitter war cries, did the devil make him do it, he wanted to be mine he knows he couldn't. I didn't love him that way, for that I never cared to give him any of my time. He wasn't mine but I was his, run away? Did he feel ashamed? Is that why he wouldn't let me run away? I packed my bags, his fist were raised. In the rage I felt his pain, shoved me hard against the wall. "Are you ******* insane....!!! "He cornered me that's were I remained, don't move I though. Don't ******* breathe, if he don't think your dead. He'll make sure you at least bleed, cry out! Call for help please, he laid me down and said soft and sweet "you'll never have to worry, I'll take care of everything." A cup in one hand my thoughts in the other. I thought is he trying to be the perfect lover. I never wanted him, he was like a big brother, suppost to keep me safe. Made sure no one got in the way, but he wasn't so new to this crucial game. I was the first victim that he kept tamed, kept from escape. Hidden from the light and into the dark I fade. He wanted ***, But I didn't want to be his slave a teenage girl not in my middle age. I wanted to live a normal life. Where in the picture I wasn't just a typical house wife. Get my own ****, I could if I wanted. My body was never something I flaunted, ashamed of it, I was always taunted. Boys were impressed the girls wanted, I was an okay kid not a barbie or polly pocket. With girls my age who had no knowledge. Pretty mature girl, they all thought.  I wouldn't let them in because I fought. I never thought in my life, dealing with ******* I always had to thrive to stay alive. Keep swimming to survive,  I fought all my life. Not to be put down and labeled, just a temporary timeline.

Running all the scenarios in my head. Feels like that love lines dead. Forbidden, unsaid we don't talk about that. ***** secrets, awful lies. They'll all catch up corner you, like a lost child. Beat you with guilt, **** you with honesty. Cry you a river? No no... that's to cliche. To demanding?
To hurtful,  "oh I'm sorry my love."
Forgive and forget, forgive this forget that. Remember this you never missed, not with the kisses but the hits. Bruises of all colors, shapes and sizes. Accident you said "sorry, forgive me." Forget that, try to sing forget the rings. Are they kings? True and honest, I love you not for your wealth. But for your well being. Selfish I thought, now not. A crazy little lady who thought of cute little babies. Went a little crazy her head was hazy, vision was dazy. Her body felt lazy, no not a baby just perfectly crazy.