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Apr 2020 · 158
I Want
Gina Apr 2020
My life has a story to tell
I want to break things
I want to sing
I want to run
I want to feel the sun
I want to fly
I want to know why
I want to be wrapped in a cocoon
I want float like a balloon

I want
Apr 2020 · 126
Before The Mirror
Gina Apr 2020
I’m not perfect
See these cracks?
It mars my soul
That’s a fact
I am sorry
Don’t you see?
I want more
Than I can be
I can be bitter
Taste the wine
Remember things
I should leave behind
Broken record
On repeat
My mistakes
They haunt me
I try to fit
A puzzle piece
Crooked edges
Torn out seems
What does this world
Want from me?
I am a mother
Please don’t laugh
A solitary soldier
I do the best I can
I have no answers
Just what I feel
What’s the lesson?
What is real?
All these things
I shout
my mind is chaos
Let me out
Apr 2020 · 120
A Little Wicked
Gina Apr 2020
I’m a little wicked
I’m a little stuck
I have a sickness
And I don’t give a ****

I’m a little twisted
I’m a little lost
Waiting on some wishes
While I count the cost

I’m a little awkward
I’m a little wrong
Got to move on forward
Find where I belong
Apr 2020 · 103
How Many Ways
Gina Apr 2020
Momma

How many ways to miss you how many times to cry?
How much pain must we feel how many questions why?
How many days have gone by, Since We last looked in your eyes?
Apr 2020 · 109
My Sister
Gina Apr 2020
There was once a girl who didn’t fit in
She was lonely all the way up to her chin
She did have a sister
And often she missed her
It boggles the mind
How much trouble they’d find
And when they were together
It was always forever
Apr 2020 · 122
Little Pill
Gina Apr 2020
I thought i was a mistake
A little pill someone didn’t take
It once felt like no one gave a ****
But I am proud of who I am
My Daddy’s talents my mothers face
I want to live my life with grace
I’ve overcome a war within myself
Blessed to be me and no one else
Apr 2020 · 106
It’s Me
Gina Apr 2020
When your mind is your enemy
Who will rescue you and set you free

Pretty little pills all different colors
All those negative thoughts still hover

I’m clawing at these concrete walls
No one hears my screams my calls

Someone please let me out
Why do they not hear me shout????

The voices I hear them say
She’s not good enough today

I try, I try so hard
Here I am take my card

It’s me
Apr 2020 · 103
Wrong
Gina Apr 2020
There’s something wrong with me
I have the sight but cannot see
You tried to show me the path
I got caught up in the math
Sun and moon and stars
I reach but they’re to far
Your soul is filled with light
Mine is dark like cryptonite
You sing your glorious song
I’m the one whose already wrong
I have a voice but cannot speak
The very air makes me weak
Apr 2020 · 117
Beast
Gina Apr 2020
You push me down
I smile as I drown

I see your surprise
As I shed my disguise

See this beast inside?
I suggest you run & hide

That little seed that spark?
Has exploded into dark

So You can’t push me underwater
For I am evil I am slaughter
Apr 2020 · 88
I want
Gina Apr 2020
My life has a story to tell
I want to break things
I want to sing
I want to run
I want to feel the sun
I want to fly
I want to know why
I want to be wrapped in a cocoon
I want float like a balloon

I WANT
Apr 2020 · 99
Guilty
Gina Apr 2020
I try to buy love
Like a shirt or a glove
When loves not for sale
It’s like my soul is in jail
Apr 2020 · 89
Dare
Gina Apr 2020
How dare you
Take away my choice

What gives you
The right to silence my voice

How could you
Turn away a father

When he came
To see his baby daughter
Apr 2020 · 95
Home
Gina Apr 2020
I hear you calling
Calling me home
And I want to go

I see the visions
They are so real
only way I can feel

I know I’m loosing
I quit playing the game
Only myself to blame

I hear my screams
I can no longer move
And I don’t want too
Apr 2020 · 88
Dream
Gina Apr 2020
Standing together holding hands
Watching the world die from where we stand
I’m not afraid and I don’t cry
It’s like I know the answer so I don’t ask why
You are beautiful and you are calm
Just being near you feels like a song
Our white gowns blow in the wind
I used to wonder if I’d ever see you again
Buildings crumble and buildings fall
The one we are on is still standing tall
Peace comes over me everything’s ok
As we watch the Earths last day.
Aug 2019 · 146
Hide
Gina Aug 2019
Hide

I need a wall to lean on
All my strength is gone
Give me a buoy to float
I cannot swim on hope

Give me a ladder to climb
I’ve sunken deep in my mind
I need a hand to hold
To stop from feeling alone

A prescription for pain
To stop the thoughts in my brain
I should get off the ground
But Gravity is pulling me down

Let me sink in your embrace
To ease the crazy that I face
All the things I am inside
Is on the battlefield where I hide
Jun 2019 · 132
Daddy
Gina Jun 2019
We’ve really been through it, What’s there to say
I’m grateful for your love everyday
The past is what makes us who we are
I think we’ve both come really far
It’s taken me years to be ok.
But that’s not your fault in any way
I have sisters and I have brothers
But I am the lucky one not the others
I still have a Dad and a mom
People who love me that I can depend on
My emotions have always run deep
Loving me it doesn’t come cheap
I’m sorry for anything that’s hurt you
I am the one who doesn’t deserve YOU
May 2019 · 131
War
Gina May 2019
War
In a war with myself
Who will win? Can’t tell

Anger over what’s been done
Happiness was no longer having fun

Sadness saw and began to sway
No one will win this battle today

All these things fighting in my head
Anger wants all emotion dead

Happiness turns into insanity
How will I keep my humanity?

Fear is running everywhere
Hope no longer seems to care

Peace has long since fled
Anger can only see red

Fighting my daily battle
Dug a grave but it’s shallow

Because I’m in a war with myself
Who will win? Can’t tell
Apr 2019 · 164
Fate
Gina Apr 2019
I’m swimming in your sin
How did we begin?
Splashing in wine and gin
I don’t want it to ever end

Give me your love and hate
Your a thirst I cannot sate
If the flames burn me, great
Together our darkness is fate
Apr 2019 · 681
Five Years
Gina Apr 2019
It’s been five years today
I will never be okay
I can smile and I can laugh
Inside I’m broken and that’s that.
Apr 2019 · 232
Destruction
Gina Apr 2019
I’m a hole, a giant void
Where I go, I erase the noise
I am blackness,  I am night
My hearts been eaten by blight
I am suffering, I am disease
I will bring you to your knees
I am destruction, I am pain
Follow me and you’ll never be the same
Apr 2019 · 163
Bruises
Gina Apr 2019
Don’t give me excuses
For these ugly bruises


On my soul
Apr 2019 · 99
Cal Ne Ra Duin
Gina Apr 2019
The winds on the hills call my name
My spirit is searching wild and untamed
I raise my arms high and encircle the sky
Let the wind lift me and raise my body up high
I look to the crashing waves and broken rock
I hear the bleating of far off sheep in the stock
I wrap my shawl around me to fight off the chill
As I head towards the ruin of the castle on the hill
The stone holds the coldness of it's many years
I run one hand upon it the other wipes away my tears
The rough wind whips my hair upon my salty face
It's been so long since my soul has stood in this place
A thousand lives stories could be told
It's the many secrets these old stones hold
I close my eyes as they filter through my head
Take me back my soul cries I leave the words unsaid
He stands there before me
Like soldiers of old
His breathe warm on my Cheek worth more than gold
No longer does the wind whip through a ruin
I have returned to Cal Ne Ra Duin!
Apr 2019 · 212
Rage
Gina Apr 2019
I move through your blood and through your veins
You cannot see me but I’m here just the same
I am the fire that rages out of control
I am the darkness that attacks your very soul
I am the scream you swallow
Where you go I will follow
Apr 2019 · 158
Family
Gina Apr 2019
Family is what makes us strong
Fixes hurts and rights the wrongs
Family knows us for who we are
Fights our fights and mends our scars
Family stands together in family we trust
We do what we do, we do what we must.
Family can be chosen it isn't always about shared blood.
It's about a love you can count on that's always enough.
Family is the beginning and family is the end.
The stronger the family the better the friend.
Apr 2019 · 112
Lost
Gina Apr 2019
My world is murky nothing clear
I feel so lost without you here
I’m a Gaping hole full of pain
How do I continue on again?

I Sink below the frozen deep
To **** the pain so I can sleep
I chip away at all I am
Just so I can be again

A Hurricanes inside my head
On repeat your dead your dead

Fractured memories a permanent scar
Half of me is where you are
Apr 2019 · 385
Gold
Gina Apr 2019
I'm all right
Till I'm not
Everything's ok
Till its rot
I'm up high
Till I'm low
Here I am
Nowhere to go
I feel good
Till I don't
I fake smiles
So you won't
I crave love
Like its gold
Apr 2019 · 133
Crazy
Gina Apr 2019
I stand under the lonely sun
Reflecting on the things I've done
Deadly desert in my heart
Painful stabbing tears it apart
My sisters sins have hurt us all
Screaming crying tearing at the walls
I want to burn it.  My mothers house
Till there's nothing left the flames can douse
Maybe I'm just another crazy child
Setting things on fire and screaming wild
Sometimes I don't ******* care
I'll go screaming till there's no voice there
Slip on crazy like you slip on gloves
No one to listen no one to love
Responsibility is a heavy weight
Crazy is easy crazy could be great
Slip away from it all feel no pain
Apr 2019 · 134
Judgement
Gina Apr 2019
Pulled and twisted a million different ways
Who are you to tell me how to live my days?
I answer to one person and one person alone
I answer to GOD who sits on the throne!

So take away your judgements and your reprimands
No one gave you control over me or my life again
You can choose to love me, for who I really am
Or I will move on to people who  can.

For I will be myself and LOVE all that I can
Learn from the past and praise the I AM
Apr 2019 · 690
Doves
Gina Apr 2019
Burn down the memories
I need to sleep
Away from the reality
I want to dream
The fire will feed
I need to flee
Smoke is reaching for me
I have to get free
My memories are pictures
Scattered on the floor
Stuck in a room
No windows or doors
The heat is rising
It's burning my cheeks
Has it been days?
Or has it been weeks?
I give up the fight
I fall to the floor
Surrounded by my memories
I don't care anymore
Breeze on my face
Memories rise and bend
They turn into doves
And fly away on the wind
Apr 2019 · 135
Winters Child
Gina Apr 2019
I was winters child
Born into the cold
On a January day
That's what I was told

I was a butchers daughter
Skin white like snow
Blue eyes like the sky
Before the wind does blow

Me mother sang to me
Songs about the sun
I longed to be outside
Where I could go and run

I was winters child
Spring was catching hold
Things were changing fast
So much I was not told

I was wild like the wheat
Growing in the fields
Directions changing fast
To fast for me to yield

Me mother said to me
Girl you must slow down
Stay away from the deep
Your young, your surely drown

Summers flowers bloom
The smells are all around
The petals start to fall
Softly towards the ground

Me mothers gone away
To heaven on her own
I am not so young
My children fully grown

Fall is blowing in
And I am winters child
I lay my burdens down
On the hill with a smile
Apr 2019 · 117
Momma
Gina Apr 2019
My selfish heart calls out to you
Please come back I need you!
To hear your voice to see those hands
To know you’ll never leave us again
I know your in a better place
But we’re still here and it’s not the same
Pops is just a hollow space
Kristen wants to leave this place
Our brothers pretend that nothings wrong
Your Grand children sing life’s sweet songs
We try to just breathe and act the same
Forever changed and living with the pain
Every day I say move on move on
But how do I do that when my momma’s gone?
Stolen, ripped away! By someone she trusted who has yet to pay?
The only thing that I can really say
We all lost a part of ourselves that day
We love and miss you Momma
Apr 2019 · 149
Jupiter
Gina Apr 2019
Ever changing
Rearranging
Scene staging
She’s amazing

Very clever
It’s forever
Glamorous smile
She is style

Vibrant glow
Funny **
My sister
Same Mr.
Apr 2019 · 115
Why
Gina Apr 2019
Why
I’m not me
I want to fly

I’ve made mistakes
I am the lie

I need answers
I need to know why

I am a woman
I always‘try’

I feel like a child
I scream, I cry

Why
Why
Why
Apr 2019 · 913
Kiss
Gina Apr 2019
My soul splits in two
The moment I see you

You destroy what was made
My debt has been paid

I have nothing to fear
As death draws me near

His breath on my face
I’m leaving this place

His kiss is deadly deep
I return it as I weep

All thought leaves me
As I fall to sleep
Apr 2019 · 126
Alana
Gina Apr 2019
Your soul is black and twisted
You were not born that way
You’ve done unspeakable things
There’s really nothing left to say

I want to hate you
But I don’t hate you

The pain you’ve caused by what you’ve done
You’ll spend your whole life on the run

I thought that we were bigger than our past
But You were small and it didn’t last

I want to hate you
I don’t hate you
Apr 2019 · 108
I will
Gina Apr 2019
I will soar
I will fly
I will see

The sky

I will live
I will breathe
I will be

Me
Apr 2019 · 118
You
Gina Apr 2019
You
You breed hate like a disease
You bring relationships to their knees
Is this what your happiness needs
To hurt with your words and deeds?
Apr 2019 · 193
The Night
Gina Apr 2019
Dark and darker the night
Black crows dance in flight
Cold and colder my skin
Blue veins glow from within
Red and redder my blood
Agony crawls through the mud
Grim and grimmer my smile
Hello Pain it’s been awhile
Deep and deeper my sin
My soul shudders it’s him
Strange and stranger the fear
I scream out my tears
Wild and wilder is death
He drinks me in till there’s nothing left
Dark and darker the night
Black crows dance in flight
Apr 2019 · 98
Hollow
Gina Apr 2019
It’s not much but I gave you my heart
You threw it in the fire till I’m broken and charred
Now that I’m hollow you are more than you are
My feet are frozen my lips are blue
You just continue to do what you do
A fraction of what I was I’m a just a shadow
A seed that’s been thrown to ground that’s hallow
You are glorious you glow like the sun
A thief of souls and owner of none
Apr 2019 · 105
Daughter
Gina Apr 2019
Daughter of destruction
Daughter of death

Everything crashes around me till there’s nothing left

Daughter of chaos
Daughter of fools

My life is a hurricane without any rules

Daughter of shadows
Daughter of heart

My life has been so confusing right from the start

Daughter of madness
Daughter of fear

I could drown the world with all of my tears

Daughter of of loneliness
Daughter of pain

What I would give to start over again
Apr 2019 · 99
My Tower
Gina Apr 2019
Brick by brick
Stone by stone

Fill it with mortar
For this is my home

High atop my wall
I watch those below

besieging me with emotions
I don’t want to know

Removed from the world
Away from the storm

I have the emptiness
It keeps me warm

Gina McDonald

— The End —