Finally caught.
With nowhere to go,
at all
nothing
all for
suffering
As I'm
locked in this cell
It's so cold here
And
They're haunting me
The playback of my bad decisions
Blinded by
Flashing lights,
I can't see
Now that I'm stuck,
Horror
Overpowers
Regret
As
My breathing grows heavy
I can't leave.
I realize
My chest
it begins to ache
Then
People surround me
And I can't keep running anymore
I've lost my will to go on.
But...
I know it,
There's a sliver of a chance
For me
Because
I ran
To freedom
Slipping my way
Through the holes in this net,
Threaded by a fading future
As I broke down these walls
I chase that high
At full force
My heart pumps
like a madman
And then I'm finally free...
My rusted chains are broken,
Shattered at my feet
The adrenaline whisks me to action
As I escape
I can feel it
The touch of freedom is so rewarding
Peace
Finally,
Peace

Miss me cupid not, I vow my heart to the arrows which I'm struck
On this altar I give my love, my dreams, my life to my God I kneel before at his feet to kiss and wed
Marry me my love, I can't raise this infant alone and without your persistent touch, I will be left a waste of value

I ponder deeply of your unbroken promises, mom

Listen to church bell sirens, warning you of flashing lights, flashing lives
Over the garden wall, a court of thorns spelled out in your name calls to you
Vines, unholy, surround your body to steal air for the fruit in your belly to grow
Enter a tree full of new chapters again, let him summarize its contents with the context of empty sentences and be reborn a new woman

Your duty in a house made home was told to be a wife made mother,
O destiny, tell me you favor me more than you did the woman who carried me
Under oath, I plead that I shall never reach her fate

Miss me cupid not, I vow my heart to the roses reaped out of me and hope she will follow in my untouched path
On this hill in which forgiveness is a rule unspoken by nature, I'll hold this mercy second to the breath in my chest
Melancholy baby, you will not chain me down, I can't let you ruin me again

If I could open your book and rewrite your chapters, I'd erase my name from every page
Mark my words with red pen and I'll puppeteer my own strings to give you the dreams you offered to me, I promise

Solemnly you'll walk past memories of your life without me in it, holding the hand scraping at your future
Olive tree flowers blooming in your palm, don't let that beauty wilt.
Repeatedly, I have failed to give you the life that you've wanted every year I continue to hang on to the branches of your invisible affection
Regrets of what could've been, swirling through your mind, into the whirlpool of disappointment, towards me? Towards yourself.
You'll never have the life you've sacrificed for, as long as I'm here to topple your dreams with my own human mistakes.

Miss me cupid please, I want to never fall in love again
On my word, fruit nor fern shall corrupt my garden the way you did
My child, you were my only hope out of this potted prison*

Lifted from your stem, the birth of bitter fruit leaves a sour taste on your tongue
Even then, I can feel you begin to dream of caring for it as if this obligation wasn't a result of your pain
Tell me, have you done your job or have you no other choice to be such?!

Mom, how can I fail you more than I already have?
Essential overgrowth corrupted your mind, filling up a bottomless bottle of wine

Lie unmoving around a hollow house, unaware of crossbow cowards struggling to hold up its foundation
It shouldn't take a life to make one.
Find me in the basement where you buried your baby
Take me to the womb i clawed out of and show me how you cleaned up my mess

You yearn for it,
Old oak gardens.
Ulysses is what you named the stone you stared at,
Right? All because it looked out of place in your flower field.

But I'm no fool to fall for playbook tricks
Used a thousand times before for carnival rides
Racing round and round a cycle of hurt because of him? Because of me.
Don't pretend to remember rooting
Every thrill I cherished with you
No more will we need a tree to hold on to the swing, I'll let go, and then you're finally free

I give with my time and effort for no reason,
Though I'm too afraid to flirt, even with my thoughts
Of you, kissing me back through the mist that shapes itself into a mold of your lips

And then I wake up
From my fantasies of your arms wrapped around my shoulders
As you stare back at me with the same affection i project sparingly
Subtle enough to confess without you noticing
How proud I am for loving you and
You only.
If only, I was the one...

I care too much to look away from your glances,
Eyes taking in every detail I'm willing to love,
To touch...
Then you brush your hand against mine,
Rewiring my nerves to ache for the texture of your skin

Who am I to think of you
In a light that shines away from me,
To the others who deserve your attention more than I do
Even then, I can't look away from the surge of winged colors
Holding my heart hostage against the grip of a chance
With you, my thoughts are
       S                                            
         C                                      
                A         T
                                      T               R      E
                                              E                        
                                                                     D
All across the possibilities and worlds where we are together

Dear unrequited lover,
Oh how you control me like a marionette,
Each smile and compliment tugging at my heart strings
Which maneuvers my every action,
Every decision I make,
Just to be a little closer to having you

Slightly dangling hints over my head,
Lighting fires that sting my lungs,
To the point where the heat weakens my knees,
And holds my body close to the flame that burns for you

Forever

My endless devotion, pouring out as I wish for worlds where there's an us
On top of the tyrannical wire we call fate,
Your harmonious siren's song beckons to me
In my rose-colored dreams,
You are mine
And in every other infinite universe that can contain my desire,
I am yours

Please, Let me be yours

See! See! See the mule as she trots below the bars, carrying the weight of the unicorn on her shoulders
Look at how only pills find their way into her cotton filled stomach
On the stage where she holds the light that shines upon the fairest of them all
So you can watch the princess in the tower,
And notice her cries from the sapphires that fall down her bony cheek
Why don't you spy the masses of she-demons that weep acid over the screen which erodes the paper thin illusions
Spotted illusions, that flash like circus lights which find their eyes upon the pinup doll who struts high up on a tightrope in the air
When the mule stares from the bottom of the stage, is it the thinness of the waist or the wire she finds herself in envy with?

Hear! Hear! Hear how the pig squeals when they ignore her wishes to eat from an empty trough
Listen to her scream for the bones that creak when she moves a little too much
Can she overhear the way they speak of her size, as if there's a prize for claiming the biggest pumpkin
When she tunes in to the radio and hears them praise the waists of corpses in their seats made of lost teenage palates
Then they will make out the subtle sawing and snips where she finds herself cutting off the undesired fat that's lingered for too long
Wasn't she warned that it isn't safe to use a plastic knife to cut off a muffin top?

Speak! Speak! Speak of what you want to see when you look in the carnival mirror that distorts your shape in all the desired places
Then we can **** up to the girls with halos that fit their size 00 waist,
And talk of chopstick legs with an appetite that follows,
So you can brag about how you only eat one at a time
In what manner is it necessary that you chat instead of chew, to distract from your untouched plates!
You ramble on and on about the space that satiates your hunger for beauty
The beauty that has destroyed what I loved about you
When I whisper to myself in the bathroom mirror so full of nothingness
So full...

But I'll still eat the last of the candy in the bag:
Orange bottles that linger my dreams above my lips,
Out of reach,
And out of sight.

There are butter walls out there...
Sometimes salty, sometimes just wall

There are butter walls out there
But not all walls are butter,
And not all butters are wall
Some are circles
Some are in my sandwich

You love the butter walls
...Even when the butter walls don't like you

That's why these walls are made of butter
To cob the corn you eat
To melt when air is heat

Promise the water-bowls that cry
We'll live in the butter walls
To live a butter life

Dearest infested, do you too reminisce on that fated night,
When the beauty of your unstitched gaps in that storm’s occasional light
Shone brighter than my heart
As I held your severed hand in marriage.

Recall my fingers slipping under those sheets
Aching to pull you closer to me,
So close, I could feel in between your skin and bone
For me to caress your blackened inner soul.

No other will be capable of feeling the softness of your carcass,
Melted on my fingertips, ever so slightly crawling with goosebumps
From the maggots that shift in your decaying tissue,
Eating away at the core of your sweet bloated insides.

On that very bed, you hosted life beyond your bug-infested corpse,
Your unsaturated beauty animating a love as equal to mine
When lightning struck the tower’s wires
And pierced my heart with cupid's bow.

Oh how that shock stung my nerves!
Manipulating my madman mind into a loving machine,
One that could only want for your rotting embrace,
Which leaves the scent of death in every corner of my brain.

Did you notice the way the dark of the room hugged you so modestly,
As if you were already his?
And then you held out a cold hand towards me
Calling for me to put my ring on your delicate finger.

I remember your instantaneous joy,
Curiosity twinkling in your lifeless eyes,
Blushing from a heart pumping spoiled blood through your frozen veins,
And that smile, only a creature inhuman could smile so divine.

You, my sweet, have captured me in your rusted fingertips
And how you carry yourself across the bleeding carpet,
Dragging your decaying remains into my arms,
Making me unable to withstand being without your infected kiss

How irresistible you are before me
Adorned in white sheets, draped across your discolored chest,
Dried blood blanketing the edges of your lips,
A beauty that’ll never age, forever preserved by death himself!

Devour me now, my love!
Take me to the grave you plan to reside
So that I may lay next to you
Six feet under our wedlock.

A fainting pink, the color I have to resist
To stare at as we pass by the textured walls of our hallways

There isn't much he knows about her,
Except for the bottles of strawberry flavored wax
She takes and uses up within months

I dream of what it tastes like.

Not the strawberry scent she lingers on every one of his clothes
But the lips she has to polish every single hour,
Applying and reapplying
Again and again

On my bed, I hold that scent close,
That stain of wax that missed her skin,
Landing mistakenly on my shirt

If I rub it off on my cheek,
My neck,
My lips
Would it be the same?

The same type of love she gives to him,
On 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒅,
To 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔,
In 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎...

The room that stands next to mine.

I cant help myself.
That artificial sweetness on her skin teases the strings I spun just for her in my heart
When I weave my way to her through the harsh rivers of doubt to get a whiff of what could've been
A future without scented walls to separate us

But hearing her through those thin plaster barricades,
My waxy layers melt off,
As the canister holding my strawberry sacrifice calls from the basin
Of discarded chapsticks that once gave her so much joy

Give me the satisfaction
Of knowing that you're recycling this affection
For what?!
Why don't you enlighten me with capped closure
Instead of covering up essential oils with his favorite perfume

Because even when you force yourself to pucker up into unscented soberness,
You know you can't stand the blank space
Between this balm and your lips

So I'll ask of you tonight, my one and only, to please
Hold me tight,
Lead me on,
And promise to love 𝒎𝒆...
Through your chapstick kisses to him.