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 Dec 2012 J Christmas
TLK
Only one person goes into Father's room.
It is not me.
His sleeping threatens you from his bed.
His breath is sour vinegar and dust.
And,
if you are too loud,
He shouts.

Only one person goes into Father's room.
It is not my younger brother.
"I am not going," he cries.
Not even if you tease him with a toy in the dark corner.
A fabulous toy.
Almost seen in the darkest corner furthest from the door.
No matter how fabulous you make it,
Even when his fingers are grabbing at the air,
And the breath comes out of his wet lips in whistles,
And he is touching the door,
And the door creaks at his touch,
He is already past the floorboards which made the same noise,
He is so close,
He will not do it.
"There is no toy," he will whisper
And even though he is right
You must say
"You are chicken."
But you say this quietly too.
Because,
if you are too loud,
He shouts.

Only one person goes into Father's room.
It is not Mother.
Instead, she calls up from the bottom of the stairs.
She will listen for a while.
She will get nothing.
Then, calling him names,
She will come up the stairs,
Stamping her feet.
She will call out from the landing.
She will listen for a while.
She will get nothing.
Finally she walks up to the door of the bedroom.
She will shout from there.
Sometimes she shouts once.
Sometimes she shouts many times.
She is too loud.
He shouts.
He is louder than her but she has more words to say.
"You are ******* your parents' money away!"
That sounds painful to me.
"Your sickness is called laziness!"
I hope I do not get laziness.
I do not want to be in bed all day.

Only one person goes into Father's room.
It is the charwoman, with her broom.
Once a week she opens the curtain.
He groans.
I listen at the door.
She is busy, cleaning.
She tells him that he has made a disgraceful mess.
She tells him that he has a family to look after.
She is soft, but she is not scared.
He talks to her.
He does not shout.
"Tomorrow," he says.
*****.

Twirling like the devil's baton
a cyclic cul de sac
'round the positronic menagerie,
speared from stem to stern, floor to ceiling,
arched bowed bent backs saddled ridden tools
adolescent ne'er-do-wells and prepubescent fools
all desiring to sit nowhere but by me,
by me, by me-

My friend of cosmic dawn, take my hand and
traipse like a runner in a blind alley.
Lead me to my quiet stead, walk and stamp about,
my cloven-hoofed associate, sarcastically devout,
and show me that everything in this whole world
is presented via legerdemain, deceitful cleverness,
but it cannot cure my lightheadedness, felt by me,
by me, by me...
Separated
Alone in the dark
Hope?
A dying flame
Sanity and reality
Falling apart
Nightmares
Wild, untame
I'm just a player
In life's sick game

Breaking
Sinking
Finally floating
Floating with the pain
Swimming through fear
Drinking in tears
Consumed with notions
Of impossible possibilities
Never to be imagined again

The darkness is the key
To doors of insanity
Light?
The broken lock
 Dec 2012 J Christmas
J Luna
Sulking in the shadow  
Of continual despair,
Everything that I know
Falls from my hands into air

Open spaces calling
For me to run and escape,
My feet failing, falling
I can't leave this sullen place.

As I look to the sky
And wonder of tomorrow,
As I so wish to die
Put end to today's sorrow.

When shadows turn darkest, I awake...
Blinding light, becomes my sweet escape.
I had the first quatrain written already, and I decided to wing it and just throw down whatever came out first. No real feeling was put into this, or it would have been better.
I walked into the room demading your attention
Taking captive the entire crowd as my audience,
and all it took
was a little Paint and Glue -  
   otherwise referred to as "Makeup" and "Hairspray".

I turned every head in the room - including yours.
I even rendered you speechless.
But is that
REALLY
The way I want to win you?

I'm sure it doesn't hurt and there are perfectly logical reasons behind it...
But I don't want you
To want me
For (only) that.
What I want
is for you
To want ME
and my Beauty be
an Added Bonus.

When you look at me, what do you see?
Internal or External Beauty?
Or
Am I just another girl...?

You are more than all of that to me.
And capture my attention every time you walk into the room.
You, my dear, have something
No one else has
And you
Don't
Even
Know
It.

You have my heart,
whether you want it or not,
and even though you
never
asked for it.
My heart chose you.

The worst part is that while I've chosen you,
You're choosing her
and are leaving my heart
to vie
for
position.
The shadows of doubt
dance precariously
around the edge
of reason
with open arms
they taunt me
to trust
them
and jump
head first into
the darkness
that surrounds them
only to find
reflected in their souless eyes
mine own
filled with tears
that hold my dreams
captive
prisoners of my own
fears
unable to move to think
I wake
once more
to watch the shadows dance
as daylight breaks
and sanity is lost amongst
the scatter cushions
of my sleepless
mind
Just another painful sleepless night
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