Somehow you dragged me onto your stage
And our personal narrative somehow became entertainment
A Saturday night special in line for review
By the very people I fear most
Your peers
And dropped lines like
"You need to love yourself"
And "why didn't you tell me you were bringing her?"
Become my crimson A of shame
It is on this stage
I can finally see
That my daydreams have become the stuff of nightmares
My worst fears of being judged
Come true.

Someday,
Someone will want to be in just this bed
Laying next to me

And maybe by then,
It'll be worth it for them to stay
Because I'll have myself
Finally figured out.

Feelings are like astrophysics to me
I can't explain them

So when they tell me what I feared
Even if I didn't know I feared it
When they confirm that it's true
There's a whole side of you I don't know

It shakes me

And I'm sorry,
But I can't explain why that upsets me
I can't tell you how I got from point a to point b

Maybe I've got monsters living in my head, too

Fear** is the thorn bush
Seeking refuge in my left ventricle
Stealing all the oxygen from the rest of my body
Keeping me immobile for fright of suffocation
Feeding my brain with insecurity
And self depreciation.

Saying things like
He doesn't really want you back.
You don't really mean that much.
You're an embarrassment.
You're too demanding.
You're too broken to fix.
And who would want to help with repairs anyways,
You charity case?

So you see,
There really is no escaping this
Without injesting herbicide
Or ripping my heart out.

Sometimes, you just know
And you don't want it confirmed.