Even after
All
This
Time

You still captivate me.
Picturesque in your passion
Like a lighthouse,
Channeling your energy, golden.
You shine

And though there are times when it hurts to stare
I can't look away from your flame.

I wonder
Is the earth simply insecure?
Beneath twenty or so miles of dirt and dust
Some places harder than others,
She buries her brilliance.
Her effervescent truth hidden away.

Underneath it all,
She really is a star,
Hot as her sun's surface.
Capable of wonders
And destruction.

Challenge my self perception
Show me that I am not the only vault you keep
And I am not the singular candle in the window
Nor am I your solitary partner in crime
I, alone, do not shoulder the weight of your world.

And that,
Is okay.

The faeries are out today
I can feel then tickling my skin
Riding zephyrs like kites
Dancing on the branches
Rattling leaves like maracas
Crooning like sirens in the alleys
Hear them howl

Fall is on its way

Looking back on how it all crumbled
Now that the dust has settled
It still looks the same
The same jagged, torn, scalding cuts
Sliced into my flesh with a glance
No clinical approach to it
Just a peek, and it burns like hell
A lingering, slow burn
Like the chemical variety.
Fitting, considering your chemistry.

There's no other way to see it.
Your choices that weekend
Still echo in the caverns of my veins
And on slow mornings like this one,
I can't breathe for the striking,
Astringent slap in the face it still is
Like being thrown into an ice bath.
And here I still lay,
Floating like an ice cube, frozen
Asking the same questions:

Why?
And
How could you?

How strange, to stand with our feet touching the same wave

I came to the ocean to forget about you
Especially at night
On nights like tonight
But here you are

And I can't help but think of how I came here to forget you
And I indulge in the thought that maybe
Just maybe there's nothing to forget right now

But then your phone DOOT doot DOOT doots
And it's her. Calling you.
******* her.
You ******* her
You calling her name out
Her calling yours
and it's tumbling out on the locked drawer in my brain
All protection I had built up
Crumbles like the sand I'm digging my toes into
Hoping tears don't come to my eyes
But they do

And suddenly everything is glassy and I can't come up with the correct responses and you know it and I'm trying to keep my breathing even and slow and I'm spiraling down like a whirlpool and I wish I could just lay down in the tide without ruining my clothes and just float away.

But I can't do that.
So I don't.
I don't know what it is about her and you and me
That has me unraveling at any mention,
But it's still too painful to sit down and analyze.
So for now, I'll settle for falling asleep with the TV on,
Trying to stop myself from wondering who you're thinking about
As you fall asleep at night.