He'll never join me in my bed
I can't think of him anymore
I feel like some two-bit *****
I refuse to beg for his love
oh how I do crave a great big hug
no no no
shut down my brain
I can't think about him again
This is no good
He doesn't know I exist
When I think of him, I cannot resist
I'll just move on to the next obsession
Trying to shake my deep depression
I don't want to base my life on a man
I know it's wrong, I don't know how it began

How do I get this stuff out of my head
I try to stuff it
I try to hide it
Through drugs and the *****
I didn’t think I could lose
But all it’s done
Is make me run
Run from the pain
Of the shakes and my brain
Detox again
No, it’s not my friend
I just do my time
Till I can get another line
Where are you Jack D
Can’t you see me?
I need you now
I’ll get to you somehow
Only two more days
Till we are together again
I miss you Jack D, my only friend

The sky is grey
My heart is blue
The Sea has dried up
Since I've lost you

I don't believe in luck

I believe that our paths have been laid out for us long before we were born....

There are forks in the road, and we have choices... But the ultimate journey has already been written...
"The End" is predetermined...

Am I lucky to be alive? I think not... I was meant to be alive...

Now what am I going to do about it?

I speed down the highway
In a rush, like every other day
But for what?
I'm missing the beautiful sunrise
Red and purple hues overwhelm the sky
But my head is full...
Work
Bills
Him
I pull into the parking space like every other day
But I don't recall how I got here
I Walk pass the glistening lake,
Sun dancing on the still water
Wild flowers line the sidewalk, amazing colors
Yet I miss the beauty around me... I don't see any of it
When did I become a prisoner in my body
Surrounded by faces, so serious, so sad
Everyone seems to be speaking stories of gloom
Past, present and future
I look across at the small child, waiting for the school bus with his mom, a smile on his face
Only 5 or 6, still untainted
Everything to him is new,  exciting
Yes, the box is more fun than the gift inside
I stop in my tracks, look up to the universe for answers
I want to see the world through the eyes of a child
The trees, the lake, the butterflies
All the colors of the rainbow
Is it too late for me?
The breeze hits my face
Telling me to hold on
Keep it simple
And smile, for no reason....

I’ll cry a river
Then some more
Wishing you’d walk through my door
I fantasize about the days when I was with you
I was so happy then, I was never blue
I felt safe in your arms
When you held me tight
You kept me safe
All through the night
And when we woke
You’d kiss me softly
And we’d make love, again and again
I never wanted it to end
My darling, come back to me

I woke up again
Alone in my bed
I'm still here
Ringing in my head
I run to the bathroom
Heave into the bowl
I'm sure I've lost my mind and my soul
Not again! My body screams
Maybe, just maybe, this is a dream?
I stumble back to bed
One thought in my head
The bottle is empty, the pills are gone
I shouldn't be here
Something went wrong
I can't sleep, and I can't stay awake
My body is dieing, my hands start to shake
I have to try harder
Or find another way
I don't want to be alive
Not one more day

Why is it called a broken heart....
My heart is still beating, is it not?
I am still breathing, as I wipe the tears from my cheek...
The pain is overwhelming ...  
I cannot catch my breath...  
I cannot stop shaking...
I cannot stop crying...
There is no relief, no escape...
What is happening...
Is my heart still beating?  Do I want it to be.....  
Will I ever be whole again...

It's another beautiful day at sea
Everyone is having fun, but me
The ship was so shinny
Seventeen floors of beauty and class
Sea glistening through the glass
Sun shining, as bright as the ship
The pool was inviting, come for a dip
I look at the waves, all shades of blue
I can't enjoy it
My heart aches for you
We should be together
But here I am alone
Again
I want to go home
I put on my smile
As fake as they come
Hiding the tears
Am I the only one?
I walk through the ship
Head held high
All the while
Wishing to die
Is it you
Or is it me
Keeping me from enjoying
The peace of the sea...

Today is the day
To make a new start
The time is now
I listen to my heart
I will take care of me
Love Thyself
I can't expect it from anyone else
I look in the mirror
Surprised by what I see
Someone to take care of
That someone is me

I sit by the grave, a single flower in my hand, a rose... red and full, sharp thorns that sting. Like the stinging in my heart.

I know you are here. Everywhere I look I see you..

As I look to the heavens, I see your face in the clouds, a grin on your face...

In the darkness of the night sky I see the sparkle of your eyes shining brightly.

And yet I wonder... why... why were you taken from me? Anger and pain overtake me...

I believe our souls will be together again, but when...

As I walk alone, dirt under my feet, legs moving without thought, heart beating, I ask the universe...

When will the pain go away?

I hear a whisper from the soft wind flowing over my body.

My answer... when we meet again.

You don’t have a clue
How much I think of you…
I dream of a time
When we could be together
I want to feel your touch, light as a feather
Hold you in my arms
Safe from this earth
I need you my darling
What’s my love worth?

I drift into consciousness
My eyes glued shut
I can't feel my body
Or utter a word
Metal and dirt
Is the only grinding sound
I wonder, is there anyone around?
Help me someone, please hear my plea
What is about to happen to me...
I lie there helpless
No memory of the hours before
I only can hear a faint bang on my door
I hear footsteps coming closer
Is it help, I fear not
My eyes start to open
Where is a cop?!
I see just the image of a large human above
I want to fly away, turn into a dove
Just get it over with,
I wanted to say
I had no idea what would be coming my way
My body was dragged, over to the grave
Dumped into the hole, could I be saved?
I hear the sound again, of metal and dirt
My body was now covered, will this hurt?
Just blackness, no light
The dirt piled heavy on me
The air is cut off
I can no longer breath
My final thought before I floated away...
*Why me, why today?

Looking up at the shinny stars
I wonder where the heck you are
Are you looking at the same stars as I
I wish I could look into your eyes
What a speck I am in this big universe
Does anything matter?
Are we blessed, are we cursed?
Questions and more questions come to mind
There is no answer that I can find
It’s easy to get lost in this sea of stars
Maybe I’ll find the answer, at the next bar

Maybe I've been looking in
all the wrong places
when you were there all along
How didn't I see
that you could be the one for me
you're always helpful and always care
you are the one that's always there
how did I miss it
How didn't I see
that you could be the one for me
friends we've been for a very long time
kissing and hugging, my lover part-time
I may not see fireworks in the sky
But you make me laugh until I cry
You say your not fun, but funny you are
all through the day you're my shining star
we are as different as two can be
but deep in my heart, I think you love me
I'm not sure just what to do
If I open my eyes, I might love you too

The end of anything
is bittersweet
Relationships, vacations, death
Good or bad
When it's over
It takes a piece of our heart we will never get back
Live for today
With all your heart
Today is all we have
And tomorrow, it too, will be gone
Only for today
I choose to put the past aside
And truly live with all my heart

I'm falling
My lifeless body,  floating through the darkness
A never ending black hole
My bottle has no bottom
It seems it is always full. How can that be? I don't remember..
I can't breath, I'm grasping for air
I feel like I'm drowning...
My mind is hazy, I cannot see
Am I blind?  Am I crazy? Have I lost my mind?
Will I wake up from this nightmare...
I don't have the strength to awaken this time...
Finally peace, the bottle is empty

I lost my friend
But cannot cry
Even as I said goodbye
I loved him so much
So why not a tear
Could it be denial?
Could it be fear?
I still see his face, his ghost everywhere
The sound of him prancing, rings crystal clear
When will I feel it?
Will I ever cry?
I don't want to believe
You had to die

Alone

Why am I so sad
I just want to cry
What's wrong with my life
That I just want to die
I've done all the right things
I've made my amends
Yet still I'm alone
And sad once again
I miss your touch
Your voice on the phone
The way you used to make me moan
Don't you see I love you so
I should have never let you go
What the Hell can I do
To get the love I long , back from you

I see a woman in front of me, she looks familiar, something about her eyes.. I've seen them before.. they look tired and sad.... she must have once been beautiful, but I feel something terrible has happened to her...

I smile at her and see a glimmer of sparkle in her eyes, a slight grin in the corner of her mouth. Does she know me? Should I talk to her and ask what is wrong?

She continues to stare at me, with those sad eyes.... I feel uncomfortable, I can't breath... I need to leave now. I turn away and walk to another room.

She is there.... how can that be?

I realize in horror, it's a mirror, and the woman is me.

I met you almost one year ago
Then eight months later, I let you go
I tried to get you back, but you have already moved on
You’re still in my head
I can’t believe you’re gone
As I stare out the window
I wonder, wonder why
How I let go
Of such a wonderful guy

I close my eyes
And pray to dream
Of you and me
How I want it to be
But only in my dreams...
I get to hold you
Touch you
Kiss you
I pray some more
For dreams to come true
That is the only way
I can ever have you...

What are we doing here, together, yet apart.
Is there a "we"?
How I long  for you, but do you long for me?
We've been dancing in this ballroom
For what seems an eternity...
The music keeps changing
But the dance stays the same,
My smile is fading, I only feel shame...
My legs are heavy and tired, my mind is shot
I want to silence the music, but it just won't stop
I continue to dance, day after day
The music, on queue, continues to play...
I'm under your spell, I can't get away
*So I dance....

I look into your eyes
and what do I see?
only an older, sad vision of me...
Where is the love
that used to be there?
I wish to God, I did not care...
He loves me, he loves me not,
so simple this sounds,
but there's no second shot...
I wonder again, as I look into your eyes
where is the love that once was my prize...