This little girl
Won’t go away
She taunts me
Makes fun of me
She’s cruel
She wants me to suffer

She’s laughing at me now
She’s saying I’m fat, ugly and old
She says I’m useless
And she keeps laughing

I start to walk away
As fast as I can

Am I safe now?
I don’t hear her…
Is she gone?

I pass the store window
I see her reflection
She is there waiting for me
I can’t get away

I turn towards my car
I see her in the window
How did she get in there?

Oh dear God, the girl is me!

I look at the sculptures in the sky
The beautiful white creations
Against the deep blue sky
With just a hint of red
As the sun sets over the ocean

I wish I could fly
Jump from cloud to cloud
Light as a feather I’d be
Not a care in the world
Until the dark comes
I’d close my eyes
And dream of the light
And the beauty of the sky

Oh, how I wish I could fly

I remember
A time
Long ago
When waking up
Made me smile

New day
New opportunities
Fun
Excitement
Amazement
Love

I wake up today
Tears run down my cheeks

Dread
Fear
Disappointment
Heart ache
Anxiety
Stress

Is this all there is?  

I don’t want to wake up….

Should I give up on life?
What’s my reason to live?
I know in my heart I have so much to give

I have so much going for me
So I’ve been told
But all I feel is used up and old

Too many things against me
One, two, three
Addiction
No Car
Cannot drive for years
Who would want me, who could handle my tears

I’m doing my time
For my sins and my crime
But who can see through
To the woman inside

It doesn’t seem worth it
To wake up every day
But there is no way out
I’m doomed to stay

Responsibilities hang over me
Penance to pay
For mistakes in the past
Memories that will never fade away

My tears flow like waves thrusting in the ocean
The pain shooting through my brain is like thousands of tiny needles
Deeper and deeper down to my soul
My body trembles and shakes uncontrollably
Every muscle in my body screams for relief
But none comes…

I push the button next to my bed
I feel the morphine swirling through my veins
Waiting for relief
But none comes

My days are numbered
Just relieve me of this torture
Please make it end
Pull the plug

I still see your face
With that grin so brash
Taunting me
Teasing me
Torturing me
Then gone in a flash

You don’t show your true colors
You hide them so well
Hidden behind that sweet smile
Those kind words you sing come straight from hell

Peel back your mask
Reveal your true self
The devil appears
Hiding on the shelf

You’re incapable of love
Your anger is fierce
Perverted thoughts
You try to hide
But you can’t help yourself
You enjoy the ride

The charade is over
You come exploding through
You can’t fool me anymore
I can see right through you

When did I become so unhappy?
When did I want to die?
When did I wake up every morning?
Trying hard not to cry

When did you leave me?
Why didn’t you stay
Why can’t I live without you
Not even a day

It’s been over a year
You’ve moved on, I have not
What do I do now?
I don’t have a shot

You are with another
She’s queen of the year
With a ring on her finger
It’s too hard to bear

I lie in my bed
It hurts to get up
I’ll sit here and drink
The poison from my cup

I cannot forget you
How much I do try
I’m done with this life
No more tears to dry

I love to sleep
To escape the day
I keep dreaming of you
You will not go away

During my waking hours
And darkest nights
You are always there
I can’t win this fight

I wake up
I don’t know what’s true
I look around
I can’t find you

I want to sleep every hour away
If I don’t wake up, will you stay?

There was a time
When I was young
I believed in love
In blissful fun

I still had hope
In happily ever after
Then what happened
Turned my life to disaster

It all began when I fell in love
Young and naive is what I was
I had no idea what would lie ahead
Once I gave you my heart, climbed into your bed

Just a child inside
A women's body only to be seen
I didn't understand love
I wanted to scream

I kept my mouth shut
The romance was done
I realized that night
He was not the one

Where was I to go now
I was prisoner to him
He had all the control
He sold me in sin

I'll never be the same
My youth taken away
I'm no longer pure
I can't escape, I must stay

I give up on love
Life is no longer mine
I'm forever his prisoner
Please be gentle, be kind

If you love someone
You never want to let them go
If you love someone
You’re not afraid to let it show
If you love someone
You’ll cherish the day you both met
If you love someone
You’ll never let them forget
If that someone loves you
Don’t let them go
Be true from your heart
Or they may never know

I deserve, I demand

Respect
Honesty
Love
Compassion
Forgiveness

If you can't do these simple things for me
You have no place in my life or my heart

I have high standards
And no time for *******

I'm worth it

Peace

What did I do that you let me go
After sharing my bed
Playing the part of my beau

Day after day I gave you so many chances
You just threw me away like all your other failed romances

You said relationships were not for you
Now I know how much this is true

I was blind in love and could not see
This much I know, there is nothing wrong with me

Burn

Yes
She’s younger
She’s prettier
She’s in better shape
All these things make my heart ache

I must have thought I was all that and had the right to choose
Recklessly I let you go, all I did was lose

Why do I care?
I sent you away
She got the prize
Alone I shall stay

What was I thinking?
Something better would come?
When all along
You were the one

Good luck and best wishes
Happiness is yours my friend
I don’t know why it bothers me
But it will ‘till the end

We Live
We Love
We Die

And in between it all
We get hurt

Sometimes again and again
By a lover or by a friend

When death comes, are we all alone?
I wonder if the pain will finally be gone

Do we forget the heartache when we are taken away?
Do we forget the people who created our pain?

I wonder what’s on the other side
This life on earth has been one hell of a ride

Does he love me
Does he not
His actions say yes
His words say yes
But how can I believe what I’ve seen and heard before
Empty words and actions leaving me crying on the floor

Always an obstacle in the way
Wait for this, wait for that
In time, please wait, coming soon is the day

Well this and that has happened
Now am I expected to forget?
Believe that you love me, like you said when we first met?

Forget the lonely waiting moments?
Wondering where you were
If you loved me or not, what you were doing with her?

You dangled the carrot for so long
I don’t know if the damage can be undone

I’m sober now
And she is dead
Of course you want to crawl into my bed

I want more, and so I deserve
I’ve told you this, have you not heard?

No commitment from you still
I’m single and free
If you wait much longer
You will never be with me

If I make the statement “I want to die”
Would you even bother to ask why?

“Why not die”
I would reply

There is no reason I should stay
Just to suffer one more day

To live in grief and misery
Pain and anguish smother me

It doesn’t seem so hard to choose
Either way I’m destined to lose

I think I should just take my life
I need to make sure I do it precisely right

One mistake and here I will stay
If they find me alive, they will put me away

Here comes a nurse, where the heck am I?
Am I alive, or did I already die?

The beach is my special place
Where all my troubles disappear
From my toes to the depths of my heart
All the bad turns to dust in the air

I see the waves wash up on the sand
Gaze for miles without seeing land
It’s amazing the beauty and power of the sea
I watch and marvel as peace flows over me

I sat on the bridge
For days it seemed
Pondering each and every
Lost and broken dream

Do I jump?
Into the water below
I can’t think of a reason
Not to do so

What’s left for me here?
I can’t think of a thing
I step off the bridge
I can hear the birds sing

As I hit the cold water
I don’t want to die
I’m completely wet
You cannot see me cry

My last thought is
What have I done?
No matter how load I scream
There is no one to come

I hate to admit it
But it’s plain to see
There is no future
For you and me

You dangled the carrot
And waited I did
For lost broken promises
When I should have ran and hid

Years have been wasted
Waiting for you
Now here I am
What do I do?

I hope you are happy
With your couch and TV
I’m starting over today
So please let me be

Tears fall like raindrops
Flowing lightly to the floor
My eyes are blurry
My body is sore

I’ve been through the fire
I’ve been through the flames
Never untouched
Never the same

The scars are well hidden
As well as the tears
I’ve sick of this pain
The hurt and the fear

I’m tired of running
Through the hot scolding flames
Please take me away
Before I go insane

I wake up each day
With sadness in my eyes
Sun peeking through the curtains
It’s my time to rise

Getting out of bed is as much as I can do
Tears flowing down my cheek over losing you

I keep going on
With a smile on my face
Wanting no part of this human race

Without you in my world
There is no reason to live
Besides grief and depression
I have nothing to give

Years go by
People come and go
Just like the seasons
The sun and the snow

They touch your heart
Some good some bad
Some leave you happy
Some leave you sad

Each person counts
Remembered or not
They were in your life for reason
Nothing happened for naught

What a horrible mistake, the choice that I made
I know it now, but didn’t on that day
I let you go, not once but twice
I took the bait and rolled the dice

I thought it was him
How wrong could I be?
All I can think of now is you and me

He told me he loved me
We’d be as one
Memories of our past
Kept me holding on

I made the choice
It was him
Now my future looks nothing but grim

You’re now with her
Two hearts as one
Engaged to be married
Where do I run?

Here I stand questioning life
Questioning choices I’ve made
Could I have been your wife?

I’m getting to old to fall in love again
I don’t believe I can ever find Zen

So here I sit
Questioning my entire life
My head is filled with nothing but strife

Where do I go from here?
I’m done holding on
I’m all alone, and he is long gone

Love is too painful
I’m full of regret
You’ll always be in my heart
I wish we never met

I woke up this morning
A smile on my face
I didn’t think I could be happy
Trying to keep up this pace

I’ve slowed it down some
Cut some things out
I want to be happy
Isn’t that what life is all about?

It’s impossible to do everything
So why do I try?
I end up exhausted
With tears in my eyes

I’ve been running and running
Like a hamster on a wheel
It’s time to relax
And regain my zeal

I’m tired of looking
He doesn’t exist
There is no man of my dreams
No more frogs for me to kiss

I don’t need a man
I’m fine all alone
I’ve grown to like it
No waiting by the phone

I don’t care if he likes me
If he’s in my bed or not
I’m very happy
Just me and my cot

No one to answer to
No more lies
I love my single life
What a surprise!

My head is always in the clouds
What a wonderful place to be
A beautiful new sky every day
Painted especially for me

*** or Love, which one should I choose
It never really matters, either way I lose

Why do I have to pick one or the other?
I was told I could have both, so said my mother

Things have changed, people don’t care
Married or single, there’s *** in the air

No more vows or my one and only
Jump into any arms because you’re feeling lonely

Where is the love between two unshattered hearts?
Have we all lost our soul, or has the world’s values fallen apart?

I need to run, I need to hide
I’ll take a train, or a bumpy bus ride

A plane would get me further away from my life
A one-way ticket sounds about right

There’s nothing left here for me
Far away is where I want to be

Let me go free and spread my wings
To see what the next chapter of my life will bring

Every day is a blessing
It is not guaranteed
Enjoy every minute
Embrace every breeze

Give thanks for what you have
Don’t complain over what you do not
It can all be taken in a moment
Appreciate what you’ve got

Don’t get involved with a married man
It’s nothing but trouble
I know this firsthand

They will take your heart
And squeeze it dry
Silence every last beat
And leave you to die

He says you’re the best
Isn’t this fun?
Then goes home to his wife
How was your day hon?

A liar and a cheat
Not true to either one
Does he really think we’re all having fun?

Who has it worst?
Me or her
I get 30 minutes
She gets the fur

The sun
The moon
The stars
The Sky

How I wish I could fly

I’d fly to the moon and soar through the stars
Fly past the sun and go straight to Mars

There I would stay, far away from you
Would you finally get it?
Yes, we are through!

I want to run as fast as I can
To get far away from here
Far away from that man

Wings on my feet
I’d fly like a bird
Sweeping the streets
Soft footsteps never heard

I’ll keep running forever
Far away from his touch
I’ll never look back
I’ve been through too much

I woke up today
And wondered why
I’m still alive
I did not die

I can’t move my body
Or turn my head
I’m stuck here rotting in my bed

I’ve been a prisoner for many years
I’m all cried out, done shedding tears

This is no life
Don’t they know?
They say they love me
Please help me go

I’m too tired to be mad
I’m too angry to be sad

Where does that leave me?
Alone and confused
Nothing to live for, just a bottle of *****

If anger doesn’t **** me
Sadness surely will
Time to give up, grab that bottle of pills

I finally wake up in the drab familiar room
Not the first time here, I’ve returned to my doom

I can barely breathe, and I cannot move
All I can see is a tangled web of tubes

Keeping me alive
I wonder what for
Someone had found me
Face down on the floor

I’ll eventually get out of this place
Back to my life, it’s too much to face

It’s time I leave this empty shell
I need to get out of this endless hell

Next time I will get it right
I’m waiting to embrace that soothing bright light

Let go of your fears and go after your dreams
No matter how impossible it may seem

If you really want something bad enough
Stand tall and hold on tough

Life seems so hard, but don’t fret my friend
Your dream may be right around the next bend

Anger
Jealousy
Resentment
Hate

These will surely destroy us if we let them

Forgiveness
Happiness
Gratitude
Love

These will surely save us if we let them

Choose to live, live to be saved…

Not to be destroyed by things we cannot control
But find a way to once again be whole

Is it time to slit my wrists?
Or do I hang in there one more day
Until this feeling goes away?

The knife is sharp and ready to go
But am I ready to make it so

I need to remember the joy in my life
Stop my whining, put down the knife

Every moment brings something new
The sun shining bright, the morning dew

I’ll be thankful today
At this moment in time
Pretending for now that everything’s fine

Does anyone care what happens to me?
It surely doesn’t seem to be
I’ve opened my heart
Given my love
Only to be thrown away
Like a ***** old glove

Am I invisible?
Does anyone care?
Would they take notice?
If I colored my hair

I’m just another face in the crowd
Tears swelling up
My brain screaming loud

Does any of this matter
Waking up every day?
I’m ready to leave
God take me away

We work, we die
I look to the clouds and cry
I only long for peace and joy
They are nowhere in site
So what’s my next ploy?

I really don’t ask for much
All my plans are turning to mush
Doom and gloom is all I see
No knight in shining armor to come rescue me

I made my choices
Not all good ones I admit
But I’ve been trying so hard
I haven’t yet quit

So why is life so unfair?
Almost too much to bear
On foot in front of the other
And here I go again
Hoping for something wonderful
Around the next bend

I woke up on the floor again
My bottle of Merlo my only friend
I didn’t even spill a drop
Take a swig fast, need to hit that spot

How did I get here?
I don’t mean the floor
How did I get stuck in this life I deplore?

I crawl back to my bed
I’m too weak to climb in
My body is shaking, I’m crawling out of my skin

I sit on the floor, a horrific site
Lifting the bottle with all my might
I can’t stand up
I can’t lie down
I can’t even make a single sound

Is this finally the end for me
I cannot think, I cannot see

I’m not sure if I am dead yet
But if I’m not today
Tomorrow’s a safe bet

Friday is here once again
Wishing the weekend would never end

How quickly every day goes by
Weeks and months seems to fly

I remember the days when I was a kid
A day seemed like a month, a month seemed like a year
Always felt like I was waiting, it hardly seemed fair

Wishing to grow up was a dream at the time
How I long for those days of nursery rhymes

Time is precious
It goes by so fast
How do I slow it down, make it last

We’re all caught up in this rat race called life
Full of disappointment, full of fright

Cherish each day and give thanks for each hour
Don’t live your life sad and sour
Make every moment of everyday worthwhile
Stay happy and joyful, widen your smile

All I want to do is have some fun
I really don’t want to hurt anyone

I’ve been hurt by men so many times before
My heart has been left in pieces on a blood stained floor

I’ve given so much of myself
Only to be beaten down once again
You’ve taken my love, and betrayed me my friend

Now you want me back
It’s not the first time
You can’t fool me with your roses and wine

Do you really think you can just waltz back in?
This isn’t a game
It’s not about who will win

I want a commitment
That’s not much to ask
It’s your last chance to take off that mask

Love me, Love me not…  

Either way, I'm ok
I love myself
Enough today

I keep waking up every day
To come to work just to collect my pay

I don’t even know if I like what I do
I feel like I’m better off home with the flu

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to do something you love?
Write a book, feed a dove

Walk on the beach
Sand in your toes
Salty sea air
Tickling your nose

It really is such a lovely daydream
Don’t wake me up, cause I just might scream

I’ll never forget my very first crush
I remember feeling like a great big mush

I was only sixteen, I didn’t know what love was
All I could see was fireworks and doves

Many years later my crush did find me
He proclaims he’s always been smitten
But how could that be?

He’s happily married, at least that’s what he says
But he also told me I’ve always been in his head

So why now is he searching me out?
I don’t understand, I have lots of doubt

Is it the truth or is it a scam
Do I take a chance and meet him
Do I really give a ****?

It’s been thirty years
But my curiosity prevails
I shouldn’t be nervous
He’s just another male

I sit and I wait for my crush of years ago
I hope I don’t choke when it’s time to say hello

Feeling weak in the knees and sixteen again
I see him walk in, the reunion begins…

Life…
What’s it all about?
All work and no play?
There must be more than that I pray

Twelve hour days or nine to five?
That doesn’t sound like being alive!

We wish our lives away waiting for the proverbial bell to ring
Ding ding the whistle sings
To mark the end of another work day
Except for those crazies who find it necessary to stay

I want to live the life I choose
Not nine to five and hitting snooze

A life that’s full of peace and love
Fly the skies like a snow white dove

I woke up this morning feeling peaceful
For the first time in years
Not anxiety, no trembling tears

No memories haunting me from the past
I wonder if this feeling will finally last

I’ve been through a great deal
Of sorry and pain
Darkness I never want to repeat again

I’ve done my sentence
I’ve paid my dues
I’ve given up the drugs and deadly *****

It’s time to live, start new and fresh
I’ve lost a plenty of years, I’m now ready for the best

She sat alone in her big red chair
This world was more than she could bear

She sat so still as if paralyzed
You could see the sorrow in her eyes
She did not want to move
Afraid if she did she would fall apart
Limb by limb down to her broken heart

So she continued to sit in her big red chair
Wondering how life could be so unfair

Will she ever move again
Or has she finally reached her end

There was a time, I do believe
When life was easy, each day was a breeze

It must have been when I was born
Before this world got to me with its prickly thorns

How I wish I could go back in time
Listening to my mother singing nursery rhymes

Every need was cared for, no need for fear
Hardly a reason to shed a tear

No worry of money, a job or a home
As soon as I could crawl, I was free to roam

Now I’m a grownup, at least that’s what I’m told
I look in the mirror and am amazed I got old

I want to be pure again, free from past sin
I would do anything to start over again