keep me ever mindful; nothing is owed
overwhelm me with love for the sake of love
do not shrink my heart
give me courage in this lifetime

for love
it serves the world and without it there is deep despair

so place it upon my eyes
may I see all being through it

I came here for me
and I came this way for you
that was all

for the things that have the greatest meaning
take the biggest leaps of courage

Some morning I just want to cleanse my being and cry
cry and let it all roll
out

I do not want to control anything or tell the sun where to shine I just want to feel the sadness so whenever I feel the I sun I can stop and soak it in

I do not want to ask to be loved because I already am I just want to feel it
feel it as I walk down the street (on some days it’s stronger the earth brims with love)

I do not need to stop loving anyone  I just need to love them so much more that their is not just some freedom in my love but complete freedom and no more holding anyone back because I love myself and I know how much of a crime that can be

When I smile there are beautiful lines under my eyes
and I do not want to hide them

I bear with great joy this life of mine

After the storm there is peace
Incomprehensible peace

I surrender to the peace of love
no control
no need to change things
no need to be fearful

only the need to learn how to love more deeply

Life is today
so I wore it like loose blue dress down the streets of Apgujeong on my way to work

How should I have felt
How should I have acted
I moved across the world
left everyone I loved


How should I have handled it
when I left the second closet empty
and the half of the bathroom cabinet
half the living room empty

how should I have felt ?

should I have felt okay


how should I have felt ?
Do you know ?
Can you tell me ?

I gave it all I could muster with all my strength I dared
will all the might I could call upon I came
with all reserves of courage
with everything I am
with no tear withheld with shakey hands
but I came

For me there is was only love I wanted to give
everytime it felt easy
natural to give
that was all
all I intended to do
and when I held my hand out
there was nothing
except the wind that blew
and I knew your hand wasn’t for me or else it would of decided to reach out too

I do not regret a thing
you mean that much to me
that I would take the leap again even if I got a do over
I mean so much to myself, I would give myself the opportunity to go after what made my heart sing

I seek peace and reconciliation
everything else:
the silence
the arguing
the finger pointing
the largest vine extending from the past to a future I project I cut

Pruning this life from all stories, no past, no future only this spacious garden of presence that I hold it all

Come to me gentle hands
smile and sprinkle laughter over me
I need soulful remedies
smooth me

Open fields
just look out on the open fields
What else do you need

The swirling butterflies
in autumn begin to disappear
but they will come again
with the whirl of spring

Look out calmly upon open fields
each direction speaks of endlessness
takes the tongue of spirit and soothes


opportunity is here , healing is here
in this open field you meet yourself

It’s not that I do not understand the ways in which leaves fall silently to the ground it
is just the thought of you falling that I cannot bear, so instead of being prideful, cruel, unforgiving, I swallow the knot in throat and put aside the “she doesn’t know what is good for her” “ what a pitiful thing” and turn around extent my hand and try to catch a beautiful leaf
I cannot let you hit the floor
it is not in my nature to be like so
even as you watching me stumble through youth and lack of judgement

It is not in my nature to be cunning, it is not in my nature to be insincere And if lose
I rather lose knowing I lost with grace
gently loving, catching leaves
uninterested in the opinions of others

We hold our traditions as our ways to life
in our pocket books
in your our palms pressed together
in our sutras
in our rosaries
In our myths
in our stories of creation

We place devotion in whatever path our heart has been lead to and with devotion
we find where they truly lead. To now and it infinitesimal  wisdom and unity

Today I must go in deeper for shelter
I have no option but to furrow and dive
into my own skin
Today I must go within

If you need strength take mine
and if you need heart
borrow some of mine
you will be alright

I tried my best, and even more
but who can compete with time
or with silence

my round full cheeks have given way
to hollows that reveal my grandmother’s cheekbones

my hair curls and no longer waves
to hint at my fathers curls

And in my coastal home town  the sun has consistently appeared through every season bringing back a slight clustering of freckles over the bridge of my nose with an array of recent sun spots over my upper lip and at my temples

My left wisdom tooth against all odds decided to exit in my thirties and push my teeth forward; I have a different smile now

while a new circular mole has appeared under my right eye. naturally I begin to look like someone different. Don’t know if  my body is a new temple breaking from the past or if it’s honoring it by stitching me closer to those that came before

And then with the eyes of a red tailed hawk
I can see the  what is needed is courage
and acceptance
everything that lacks is what I do no give
and I am strong enough having crossed winter’s terrain and walked through its dark canyons that I can sit in peace
and hold all that I feel
from this view life is but a blink
and in my nature is to show up
to care in such a way
and this is not because of anyone else
it’s just the way of my nature
and I become courageous enough to accept myself and who I am

My wish is to be regarded as human. My gift is to be human.

It is gone like the river
everything including I change
sand through my hands
gone

no grasping of resisting anything
or we resist life
and when we resist we suffer

If I picked up a cigarette today
what good would it do trying
to puff my way to tranquility

what good would it do to start crafting an image, start removing the little things
that set me apart for the rest
start hiding taking down the pictures frames which contain goofy photographs of me, real non-**** ****, that don’t turn on even a light switch
in lieu of beautifully shot photographs of
in nice lighting


What good would it do to start when I don’t want to, when I don’t feel like I need to be like them
What good would it do light one up
when I give a flying **** whether I smoke or not
when it’s just another stick and I could just as well pick up a twig and stick it in my mouth

What good would it do being someone I am not

I love this world and
I love people
even the grumpy sour ones
I like the annoying ones too
and sit with scared ones
and laugh with the older and the younger ones
and try to just listen to the talkative ones
I know and will know what it is to be all of these
so I see them and my heart softens and I want to hug them all if only my arms where long enough

My body is tired by my will it’s so strong
I plow in one direction with all my might  because i am young and I can do that
and I have enough energy
and I am dogged
headstrong
but even with that
the rest of road is not for me to sole clear
it’s in the graces of what things do align

I pay my dues with each poem

Some days I feel you, right in the center of my chest. I do not know how else to describe it.

It is just that I want to continue to grow
throughout the entirety of my life even when it hard
it just that I don’t want to abandon myself
or stand in my own way
I just want to try consistently until I leave this form
I just just want be truer to myself and love deeply this precious, precious life
I would never jump ship I am committed in the small things which are truly the core of all of me

May you be well today
an ocean of distance does not reduce
a wish to rumble

so enjoy the vastness of this day
and the small but memorizing happenings of daily existence

You deserve calm

Cloudy weather cloudy mind

More practice is needed
I cannot let my thoughts run me over

My heart loves a young man who dances salsa with me
he said “wow”
at the live band
I love two people at the same time
May time help me love only one

I dreamt of a full room, something important was happening in your life, an opportunity or something you worked for
some sort of celebration
I was there just to say hello

I halt my jogging to stare at the moon

I forget the moon is a floating rock  is suspended in space
how marvelous everytime I remember

“I am not going to be salty; I going to be sugar” that’s my motto for the day. :)

I wonder why you quit
like if you don’t deserve a win

with love for the little things that hold me up
this earth
that dark soil
This mount of well earned tenacity and gratitude

with love i behold everything that makes me up

I just want to be in the vicinity of you.

Lounge like a lizard around you taking in the sun.

This as is
is no longer my place of belonging
when people talk about it’s
absence
mine floats to the surface

You are becoming more beautiful
not because more people like you
or because more people agree with you
You are becoming divine
because you are in the closet pulling down the cobwebs
In your home, brewing your tea to cultivate moments of attention
in your heart adoring what great effort
you body makes to keep you here
you are beautiful because you try over and over see the miraculous

Today while riding the subway cart I thought “I am scared to open my heart to him again”
and then I thought “maybe he is too”
but I don’t want to be scared

So I start slow, one small step at a time
that way I will not rush or misunderstand

Come sit with me on a bench
I long to ask you how you have been
but we could as well just sit in silence
and that would be enough

When the flowers begin to sing in spring let me hear them
when the earth exhales in contentment let my feet absorb like a tree its breath
when the wind tickles my ear
let me be able to notice it
where this is beauty
help me stop and appreciate it

even if others might think me odd
to feel this existence in such a way

when there are barriers made by men, women and locked into schools of thought let me close my eyes and seek inside the truth
let my compass be strong and unwavering

genocide. on a strip. because the rest of was taken years ago-
fear & anger dominate the bombs. where is your clear mind?
people are people. violence is a crime. where is your compassion?

Your world is as wide as eternity, looping over and over again. The constellations keep birthing light, and all things are bursting, brimming: all bears life. How do you tell them this?

I have started replicating old Korean paintings of desks
I look at each line so precise but different from the others; each has got its own charm

The quiet is my friend.
It allows ample time to think.
It hands me back to myself.

The blue sky and scent of cosmos flowers are crispy
like the brown leaves that begin inaugurating autumn

I see lines of periodic motion caved
by the birds dancing overhead

When they look at us , those birds, do they notice our lines- our traversed geography made  obvious by our commutes

Does one of them know the shape of the line your steps make ?

I get to listen and be taught by living
masters in my craft
I am amongst the youngest between them
I am there to soak up it
again
I take cement to cloudy city days
and break all expectations places on me
as I create the path no one thought could be carved out


It is not my time yet it is theirs their blooming flowers mine, ours, the world’s to appreciate

but it is indeed my time to learn
to sit in a kindred embrace of the art of life
the divinity that language can point to
it is my time to stir world in my belly

I made it from hot to holy
from holy to hot
from toothpicks next the counter
to a foreign metropolis
from palm oasis to squished buildings
so pressed at the sides, they can only grow upwards
I made it from feeling like fire, a woman at the top of Neguá to feeling like a fire and all of life

“How beautiful we are “
i carry this sentence tucked in my coastal
in case I forget
how feet and how lungs move the way butterflies flutter in time