his daughter had long hair in my dream
he was sitting next to her
I simply hugged him
and everything else
was a blur

This as is
is no longer my place of belonging
when people talk about it’s
absence
mine floats to the surface

I am loved. the sun that rose over the brushes
up until it climbed the trunk of a magnolia tree
giggling swung past the thick petals of its flowers
and set off into the open sky.

gender constructs, piety, nationality, “goodness”  these frameworks I live in are unquestionable for in their deviation there lies true reason of  “understandable” ostracism “yeah of course, how dare they?” & “who do they think they are”  
I thank them for where they have brought us but that is not where we are going it is only where we have already been

every day you bcomer kinder


and the slopes of the past are so sheer


that their old painful attendants slide down


without hindrance to you


your grappling with long struck emotions


murky or endless now become your helpers


you can understand and lend a hand


it is yours and you smile because


you can and nothing is too far out of reach


everyday you get closer

some part of me waits “ for what?” I ask
I think back to the night I saw you
you were good on luck
work was good and you were busy
too busy to chat,
too busy full of good luck to make room

I thought it was good so I smiled and sat silently waited for you there.

But when you came you sat across the table as far as you could possibly get from me
too busy in thought you didn’t even really say a word

Then I felt like an inconvenience like a pole people moved around
so I left

I came too far
and I gambled too much on you
jumped off the cliff thinking your love would be a net

I left that day feeling half dead.
I couldn’t feel my myself. Couldn’t cry for the next few days. I just wanted it to be a horrible nightmare. A bad joke.

So I ask that part me “ what are you waiting for” is it the punch line ?
And it tells me “ I am waiting for my love”
and I just cry...

How do you transform anything
now I know only with love

When spring takes it lilies home you will find me starting the orchids by the window who survive the cold

you will find me standing
so grateful to be where I am
as I am

Sometimes I just want to dissolve into now and I want every scary thought or idea that comes as advice as warning to melt away. There is no one way. There is not right way. There is just what is… ever flowing. All possible. Pain and pleasant things nothing hinging on correct or wrong.

I will sit and catch the stones they throw at you.

When we dare sing into the world a new song
we do not lead it
we follow it and watch
how it cozies up to us and comes through the body

each year a bucket that if it were not there
the song’s rhythm could not be played in streets of dirt road and in the town where soul is more abundant than money

60's and 70's Latin American rock
EL extraño del pelo largo
Spinetta
Pedro Aznar
Hay tanto y quiero escucharlo todo

4 hours = about 4 albums

everything is spoken into existence
life begets life they say
and so I wonder what part of life dram me into existence
called me forth from the womb of imagination
who saw me before i was someone
and called a person like I onto this earth

When the sun rises and a thought of you appears I neither angry nor do I plunge into sadness there is only longing knocking on my door.

What are you under the sunlight
when the day reveals you to the world

how do you smile in the early hours of the morning as you let the the whispers of grace guide you and the thoughts of gratitude fill you

who are you when you do not pretend
when you are at peace with who you are

Do not come for me tomorrow
come for me today

too many have said “tomorrow”
too many excuses have been reiterated for years upon years
All attempting to shift responsibility
absolve inaction

“Leave it for the young”
“for another lifetime”

It is for this one...

for this day
that is why you are alive  
(It has been put off too long )

Take your courage and hold on tight

do not say you will come tomorrow
come today into the hands of your own responsibility

create this world you wish to see

for today, for today, for today


let these cross your lips “for today, for today” until they become soggy over you lips and must be eaten

take responsibility for that inkling to not conform in order to fit this status quo
for it is your nature to push boundaries compassionately and because you wish to bring more love into the world
tells the tale of why you are here

I am grateful for the morning sun that awakens me through the window
it’s warm light brings me joy
I am grateful that I am endlessly strong
and loved
I am grateful that every year life takes me where I want to, no matter the outcomes
How magical is it that all I set forth comes back to me
That no love is too small or wasted
That there are no words uttered that go unheard
and no prayer unanswered
it is a matter of closing your eyes and listening


I am grateful for this small, fragile lump of mass, and this lifetime

I do not want to keep crossing lines people draw for me

So when my stupid heart want to run passed the painted line I now pull it back

I am not in-charge of redrawing that line
someone else is , the person who put it there is in charge of that

so I hold it, I hold this wild heart and comfort it
at least I am strong to comfort it now

and yes some part of me really wants to be there but there is that line

and I sink back down a little
and sink because I just don’t want to cross anything anymore
I want to feel to roam in someone’s garden
when I am invited
I do not want to invite myself when no one else has

There is no rush to hold another hand
or to come home to anyone
there is no ticking clock
there is no date another to get over another
there is only the early morning tea, the sunlight from the window and the opportunity to frame today as a “day of gratitude” and so you see there is only this zest of wanting to live and to heal

The things that are for us calls us silently, and never leave us
When the frenzy of the mind is quiet they emerge
those are the things meant for us to reach towards

this warm feeling rises from my chest
and it reminds me of you
I do not know what to do with it
except let it be

Some days I feel you, right in the center of my chest. I do not know how else to describe it.

Lovely girl there in your twirl is your magical way of spinning without care
you create more beauty to add to this world

It is just that I want to continue to grow
throughout the entirety of my life even when it hard
it just that I don’t want to abandon myself
or stand in my own way
I just want to try consistently until I leave this form
I just just want be truer to myself and love deeply this precious, precious life
I would never jump ship I am committed in the small things which are truly the core of all of me

May you be well today
an ocean of distance does not reduce
a wish to rumble

so enjoy the vastness of this day
and the small but memorizing happenings of daily existence

You deserve calm

Cloudy weather cloudy mind

More practice is needed
I cannot let my thoughts run me over

Things seem simple to me even while they take us into the grey in-betweens of life.
What human being  has not been there?

maybe they are not simple maybe they are
whichever the perspective there is always choice; I refuse to give up my power to choose.

My childhood friend died yesterday. I tried to cry but I couldn’t feel a things. I listened to his albums; smooth lines about being raised in LA. I was there,too long ago by his side–being“smart” is what “saved us”.


Numbness, is all that came to me. I didn’t even bother asking my body for the tears. Today, I felt like was a half unfrozen popsicle so I went to sing. And finally I I unfroze… cried and cried and unfroze-dripping all over the karaoke room.

I dreamt of a full room, something important was happening in your life, an opportunity or something you worked for
some sort of celebration
I was there just to say hello

I halt my jogging to stare at the moon

I forget the moon is a floating rock  is suspended in space
how marvelous everytime I remember

“I am not going to be salty; I going to be sugar” that’s my motto for the day. :)

I wonder why you quit
like if you don’t deserve a win

with love for the little things that hold me up
this earth
that dark soil
This mount of well earned tenacity and gratitude

with love i behold everything that makes me up

Did I loose my funny bone?
maybe I need a new one
or did I break it
in that case will the pieces shake and rattle as I move ?

Today while riding the subway cart I thought “I am scared to open my heart to him again”
and then I thought “maybe he is too”
but I don’t want to be scared

So I start slow, one small step at a time
that way I will not rush or misunderstand

Come sit with me on a bench
I long to ask you how you have been
but we could as well just sit in silence
and that would be enough

nurturing blossom
cold winter hails dreary days
may I take heart
in the spirit of your
nature
find it on my silent walks
may I not freeze as the world around me does so
keep warm in your hope
keep me close to you, I need your  stem to lean on

It is good to lose sadness on a long walk and find serendipity attached to a piece of bread to find the divinity and the magic  of life that follows when we close our eyes and steer toward the direction that calls to you.

I get to spend more time alone figuring out
what makes me tick
rearranging thoughts, visions of life and
getting lost in streets that seem older than me
opportunities to ponder life and live it are my companions
I find them agreeable, even mysteriously charming

I care...
slowly from below the grass I care that trees grow
that everything flourishes
that you are surrounded by love
that this lifetime be kind
that our dreams
that art
feeds reality

Three people paint the subway station with life
the horn announces that the next train is coming bound for the seoul

I am ready to run with the wolves
I am not undecided
I am absolute and solid in the steps I take
I came with others into this world
who too
  cannot understand why is it a man is   unequal
  why gender constructs
and why we treat earth like a *******
why we accept what we could change

Timber wolves howling

in the winter of our era we breed, breed new life

Let there be beauty
Let there be forgiveness
Let there be renewal

I want silence.
I want the sounds of the wind and the leaves to be the only music I hear. I want my friends’ voices to be the light posts I stand under.

I want like all summer wishes to turn into Fall. A deciduous.

Light of mine
I hold on dearly to you

Metaphorical winters
are worse than any sub zero days

Warmth
glinting of the soul
I embrace you with both my hands
and I give this living all I have got

I have started replicating old Korean paintings of desks
I look at each line so precise but different from the others; each has got its own charm

I empty my pencil case over the wooden surface of my table it is time to pour out all the colors and use them to scribble
to jot down and dream something lovelier

The quiet is my friend.
It allows ample time to think.
It hands me back to myself.

Do not worry
all becomes lost in that ocean of thought today just feel the wind and sun
your nature is that of calm

The day has been so long my dear friend
I have yet to answer the Stars with my prayers

The salesman stood in front of the poet and tried to sell her words
what a sight