si crees que no te entiendo lo suficiente
para quererte esta bien

no hay ningún pasillo del cual yo quisiera recurrir para hacerte entender

si tengo que ser igual que tú en toda manera entonces eres tú

el que no sabe de querer pues nada en esta vida es igual y yo tampoco

Sometimes I just want to dissolve into now and I want every scary thought or idea that comes as advice as warning to melt away. There is no one way. There is not right way. There is just what is… ever flowing. All possible. Pain and pleasant things nothing hinging on correct or wrong.

I will sit and catch the stones they throw at you.

I so sweetly give into my heart and my being who see no limits
who dream dreams bigger than I could ever find tucked in the furthest closet of my being
They are guides and I follow their flashlight that flickers through the forest and the city and I meet them at night and in the morning to join hands and write

the birds flutter through the sky and some suddenly dive  
only to emerge again from below the skyline and into my line of sight

where as the things below the outline of the cityscape remain distant
life remains ever close and present in the palm of my two hands

here I hold life, as I stare at my purple and green veins that give route to the warm blood
I also witness the unflagging effort of this heart
that joyously flutters too while keeping me alive
                                               ...

Joyous is the living heart alwaysstayclosetoit      a  n  d

i  f     y  o  u    f  i  n  d     y  o   u   r   s   e   l   f    
        
            g     e      t     t    i     n    g               m       o        r      e
                

d       i         s        t        a          n        t

            
                          f
                       ­                              r
                                                               ­              o                
                                               ­                                                      m
      


                                                         i     t

             y  o u   c a n  alwayscomebacktoit;theheartwaits

                            ­                        ...

It does not need to be summer for me to be a fountain where the birds can come to drink before they flutter and are gone from my line of sight or even for me to overflow and nourish the small weeds that too would like to grow and live. It does not need to be summer or be spring or be an easy life for me before I choose to become a fountain spouting water

                                                   ...
"Joyous be the truly living heart" she whispered
and my heart grew wings and fluttered
                                    the things the flora whisper astound me
                                    even the birds come to them for words of wisdom
                                                  ...
were­ we ever apart, the birds and I
we both like to sing and no one knows why
and we both love to fly even under a grey sky

If I picked up a cigarette today
what good would it do trying
to puff my way to tranquility

what good would it do to start crafting an image, start removing the little things
that set me apart for the rest
start hiding taking down the pictures frames which contain goofy photographs of me, real non-**** ****, that don’t turn on even a light switch
in lieu of beautifully shot photographs of
in nice lighting


What good would it do to start when I don’t want to, when I don’t feel like I need to be like them
What good would it do light one up
when I give a flying **** whether I smoke or not
when it’s just another stick and I could just as well pick up a twig and stick it in my mouth

What good would it do being someone I am not

It almost felt like this season would not come
like I would be stuck in this perilous
winter but then the flowers showed me
with their colors that I could paint my world another hue
and the off shoots on the side of the branches that were trimmed showed me that a new branch can grow from something that has been severed
I smiled and I knew it was spring

People say the spirit walks with them
but they are the spirit walking
and we are the flower
and we are life blooming
each capable
–just as we are–
of offering the greatest gift of joy to those who come into our lives
each of us able to take a second to stop and appreciate
each of our lives unfolding with the equal beauty

I whispered those words
and the light inside my little Buddha statue began to flicker over and over. I starred  at it and this thought entered my mind like a banner being carried by a jet across the sky “there is always light”
I uttered it and the light stopped blinking
i forget I am never alone

the more my tongue moves
the more arms I give to my words
and the more they take a hold of the twigs on the sidewalks
and the more they become life lived
oozing odes and homeric verses
suckling sunlight and holding the stanzas
from Sunstone in their palms

–precolumbian whispers
and sunsets before sumerian law  
hint at a time when poetry was one with the body
poesy inherent in all things
when no compartments could hold life and
all disciplines were limbs of the same majestic creature
sighing with relief over its infinite realm–  

and the less I need to chase words
in order to taxidermy them
and then place them into curiosity cabinets
and the fewer words you will see on the outside of  me
and the more adjectives you will see fused into my skin

the longest wavelength reflecting over my cheeks will become the longest poem I'll ever write

(It is a question left in my throat
I wish of  the little things to be granted wisdom and safe passage )

Dear flower,
keep my gentle and soft like you
share with me how you bursted through the dark earth

Dear sky,

who has blessed me with rain
whisper your wise counsel over me
like the rain and mist that engulfs us in June–what way is the sea ?

Dear red dirt,

When I hold you in my hands I cannot help but feel I awe. How do you remain so beautiful
have we always been as beautiful as you?

I feel like thanking you and if you need to hate me to release and if you need to find me sinful or weird do so
every one has got to do what they think is best with the tools they have
including I
you
everyone

If I don’t fit there
I don’t, and there

I want to slide through the round pebbles
make my way softly through the terrain

If I don’t fit there
I don’t

onto the sweet nourishment of true belonging  
the corner, the lives, the dress and pair of jeans that I don’t fit into
I just don’t, and that’s that

onto loving things
onto the possibility of a hand on the ***** of my back and connections that warm the hearth of my soul
onwards with the search for true belonging

if I don’t fit I don’t
and there

Point your eyes at the flowers,
not at the harshness of the rocks
sieve your words and throw away
the ones that clump up with judgements

The one who looks at the granite sharp edges is just as precious as the one that looks at the bellflowers

The old woman at the shopping mall walked on the opposite side of the oncoming pedestrian traffic
and I watched how the sea of people parted so I followed her lead
she was Poseidon commanding the seas
this petite halmoni

Lady if you were somethings else
do you think your eyes would gleam any brighter
Lady anchored to this time
do you know you are not the boat but the water it sails on
Lady if you had not knocked on the door
do you reckon the hurt of being turned away would be less
Lady who was not born a lady you are the masterful craftswomyn of the person you become
Do you think your being handed the pen before the others is something to hide
Lady with a womb or wombless you can bring life
Do you feel it deep in your bones
Lady do you realize how glorious and humanely your are

The bridge has been laid with marigolds
,the prayers and the candles
and mention of your name
calls you to this world

Todo ah sido preparando

Walk with me today, give me strength for this season I am in need of it more than the rest. Come whisper counsel and tell me what this world was to you

Dame aliento para continuar

I welcome you with all my heart; todo mi corazon se alegría de tú llegar

There is a lake in my eyes that fill
and dries with seasons of life.

I cannot predict when its shoreline
will recede out of joy or sorrow.

I simply know there is a lake.

I lit a candle so that in this corner, when it might be easy to despair for the world, there may still be light. That much I can do.

I am scared that I will be disappointed but I am aware and I am trying to face my fear
whether I succeed or not whether I can do it or not is not the bottom line
it is whether I can accept myself, liberate myself enough to try

You came like a lightning bolt
quick and parting the rumbling  skies

if I had let my sorrow drown me I would of surely missed you standing there lighting up part of sky

you are indeed one of the gifts of remaining painfully open, lovingly open, open and touching life– touching your face in the middle of night

something kinder and gentler has finally come my way and I can see it in your electric smile which does not go over me
I see your glow and soon I have no doubt you strike the land

I am again a night owl
arms stretched wide to loosen
my shoulders  as I make my way across
the bustling square with black flip flops flopping
now if only I could traverse as silently as the owl, unnoticed throughout the night

All will be well
I do not know how
but i do not need to know
i am done worrying about the things
I cannot control
All will be alright
rest, the road will clear
the hours will pass
the next day will come
and life’s love for you will
blossom in your heart
the light through your window
will testify to that
curve your back and rest your head
the night calls your cheek to the pillow

I learned you have to stay on the bleacher cheering on the people
who cheer you on
that win or fail you sit there
with a towel ready to help ease their load
that mutuality is the key to growing and trust
and that deep, deep connection (that makes life worth living)  
comes from knowing they, too sit on the bleacher stand for you

Don’t forget your bright eyes as you tilt your head up
and that soft smile that curves over your lips when the warmth of the day penetrates
into the deepest chamber of your beating heart
don’t forget to renew your mind
there is still so much to see
and still so many moments tucked in our experience of time that gifts us this wondrous existence
and this chance to look again upon
life’s kindness
Please  don’t forget to bring them
their brilliance lights up the dark

I write every circling thought so that it leaves me and exits
becomes its own kingdom of possibility  released like stream from a natural hot spring into the ether of the all
tethered for all time until life brings it forth
with birth
what I do is liberate
and the rest remains in gestation in the belly of life

what in me accepts these conditions?
what part of me lingers here and why?
what inside causes turmoil?
What needs to be deeply examined?

The time I tried to delete and wipe him from my life was not with the intention to hurt him
it was with the intention of cultivating self respect

It was me trying to liberate myself from being pinned under intentional disregard towards me, constantly being ignored, and engaged without the intention of helping my soul (of lifting my spirit)

The way I had let him treat me showed such a lack of respect for myself  that I had to try


It was never about hurting anyone; it was about being better then I had known myself to be

It was growth or being a doormat
and I ached to grow and unfurl

I ached to return to my own arms

After sitting and pacing for a long time
after going for a walk and pondering if to sink into sadness, longing, anger or defeat, I found all of these unfitting, and so I sat on the aluminum steps of a slide in the middle of a playground full of love. For what, for you.

Don’t laugh at me. But I do love you, and I want you to be happy.big ole smiley face emoji with teeth sticking out joyful, blissed out happy.😁
I love you even if your life includes me or excludes me either way I must honestly confess that wish you always well.


2.
May you always be full
of dreams and passion
                    and the courage to be what you are which is nothing short beautiful.

May you not overthink it; You are
a beautiful soulful human being.
                      Just breathe it in, let it soak
like water into you,
When you’re driving alone or accompanied on streets or in the evening on a Friday or Saturday night with the highway lines stretches before you, just remember :a beautiful soul abides in you

If you are to share the open palm of your hand let it be gladly and with respect for the days that will each go by as each hour is a gift even if unnoticed. If you are to look my way, do so with appreciation at least once not lust. You can keep your lust last on the list because it alone won’t get you through this life. If you are to tilt towards me do so from the soul, and then I am sure a lifetime will not seem like enough.

You need to speak
you need to set boundaries or everyone you will ever meet
will cross your yard and stomp in the dark over the tulips

You cannot wait for someone to hit the fence
trample over what you planted and loved
you need to speak up
not run away or at some point in the dark of night
anyone who comes to greet you will step over your boundaries
over and over and over until you finally are so offended
that you can no longer take it

you need to speak, speak your boundaries or the same story will repeat

I honor the little things inside of me
I go around barefoot over the sandy expanse of my mind and body and soul
and pick each of their lovely gifts up
as if they were shells and place them in a little bucket and I walk some more until I get to my home. There I can sit; my legs spread wide so I can place the bucket between them and take profound look at each shell one at a time.

When you wake up
wrap yourself in brilliance
it does not matter if yesterday was hard
if this whole month or this whole season
has been difficult for you,
has pressed your face against cold glass  
you are still here
and  just as unexpectedly as sorrow came
so can joy

find your gleaming cloak of hope
of laughter or liberation
and laugh and cry if you need to
but carry your brilliance with you

We are all gifted
in different ways we are made
as infinity plays and giggles
expressing its abundance in form

but it is so hard to remember when
the strictness of dogma
and judgement get in the way

art is powerful
but an act of kindness is just as profound


we are all gifted
all these little desires
make us just right
and prepare for what is meant for us
what feels so familiar it cannot leave us

i like poetry like all the people here
i like reading like most do

i see art as visual music
i see words holding hands and dancing to the rhythm of music

i know what i like
i know nothing is mine

Little specks of flora
how they bloom over every rock
and color pink and white the *****
and the cervical mucus

she brings them out coffee when they come to buy meals at her mom and pop’s restaurant
without charge
that’s just the way she is my loving M

she tells me it’s so cold
and that those folks need to stay warm
And I think of the times that I walked to her home as an adolescent because it was too cold for me to stay in front of the school and wait for my dad

The day is beautiful and there is nothing you need hold onto
the pastures are open and what you meet when gaze at your shadow is till a part of you
and all the light that flurries your dreams like a leaf in your chest’s sky is also you

good things are here and good things will come and there will never be an end to good things among heaps and heaps of goodness you will find your name
close your eyes and feel the flutter of it in all in your chest. The day is beautiful—

It so precious dear Lily, I want to cry again how the stream bends and the cranes stands still
today, the water deer came with a friend
today, I was honored that it brought a companion. So, I bowed as it customary here to bow to another.

Dear lily, I take it all. The temporary tears, the way in which I cannot hold all but care for all. Lily please tell me the heart is infinite for mine keeps growing and I have the suspicion the whole world is held up by deep love

the way these deers appear when ask the forest to please bring my friend

They think people should domesticated with culture. They think that someone having the audacity to be who relax and be natural to be who they are is wild. They think wild is nature and  they think everything will fall to pieces of it left to be wild and natural,but the flowers still bloom and spring still comes in harmony accomplishing it all
–no chaos, balance–
that is the way through balance

( the mind cannot take you there)

When you sleep the poetry of life conspires with the entire universe
picking places, materials, and dates

just today it leaned over and said “September 23rd” and then whispered Emmitt Till & Breonna Taylor

sometimes its the little child in your ventral cavity
that overwhelmed with storms of emotion becomes
flustered & suspended in its gusts, unable to touch ground
this youngness of a heart shouts not at the person
in front of them but for relief--

a cherub's hand are as soft as your anger
so do not judge yourself for your irritation, it is the softest
part of you exposed, places you wish to control
carrying the phantoms of a hurt done long ago

Every year more and more is scraped off of me,
and for the past years when I feared the scrapping would finally reach the inside,
I would begin to shake because I wondered if that time when the scrapping reached the core I would find out I was hollow and collapse into myself.

But these very years have scraped at the needless thoughts, the needless chases and the needless feelings of inadequacy and the more they brush my surface the  shinier and more solid my core seems

You are free
my palm is open
fly where you please

it is a beautiful world
and it is all yours
this lifetime is precious

I would never clench my fist
or cup you within my two hands

The trees are about to defy winter
like high driver
1-2-3

Here they go

Dusty loving lady you are unending
and as they cringe at your smell on the subways cart I focus on your lively eyes
that are unoffended –sauntering the expansive territory of aluminum poles, glass windows and plastic seating where people sit in self-imposed hermitages or absorbed in a phones but your gaze
like that of a hawk
glides over all

there is a calmness
a cooling fresh calmness
a just always unfolding
reassuring calmness
just laugh
get up
and linger in your purpose
and linger near the things
that meet you fully

I enter the sacredness of this existence

Hold my life with respect

I really do love him or I would it have not come so far away from my own home

I think of all the letters I wrote with so much love till the moment I got here
of all the middle of the night alarms I set to wake up so I could watch him smile and play

I just sincerely love him
and I also sincerely love myself

I am walking into the light
into a reawakened life
into the vast colors and into
my own fullness
brilliant and unobstructed
I rest in life
here in this place and at this moment
I will choose to see the brimming cup
and hold back the tears of joy
because I made it back
back to myself
thanking little limbs for walking me
thanking my soul for not leaving me
thanking my heart for daring with me
here in this place and at this moment I choose to linger in my wholesomeness