You can borrow my strength
in moments like these
you need not ask
my prayer flies off
off of the tiny mounts
that are my lips
onto you

Be a keeper of the light
a guardian for the beautiful things within your own heart

I looked inside the box, opened it and picked up a rock and a stick from inside of it

I know what is inside that box now.

No matter how many times I try to put my hand back inside that box
I will always wind up pulling out a stick and a rock.

Only the first time I reached inside the cardboard box to pull out the stick and the rock was I truly surprised. The next couple of attempts were just denial. I tried it, so I already knew.

What is in the box is not for me. I have no need of a rock or a stick. Now if I found a notebook and a vinyl with a stray leaf then that would be my box.

If I were a geologist and a hiker then the first box would of been for me, but I am not and that is fine.

You have guided me through all these seasons
moved mountains
helped me weather storms

I have come so far from my home on your call
lead me now where I must go
I have done what I was told
and I have followed the compass you put in me
when I pray to you
sing to you
meditate to find you will you answer like you have always answered
through flickers
dreams
with serendipity
and I will be paying enough attention so as not to miss your response

You have guided me
so I cannot fear the earth’s tilt

I am dizzied and confused but I want to change my life
I want to set myself up for joy
to meet me in the mornings
I want to cultivate the seeds of giving
surround myself with those who also give back
no more letting anything else make my decisions for me
I accept my power of choice
and choose what my life becomes
and dare reach for a beautiful life
not free of struggle but enriched by it

The stores were open a bit later so I went to buy berries. Walking back home I turned onto my street and from the distance I saw an old man taking very small steps. He walked so slowly...when I had finally walked passed him he stopped me and asked me if he was close to a certain address. I could see his phone was out of battery. I pulled mine out and searched the address he had written down for him. With a few taps I knew he was six long blocks away from his home. I walked with him less than a block and when he noticed it was going to be very far he said thank you and kept heading that way but he was so slow and he couldn’t walk so well. It was nearing midnight and I could not let him go alone. Even if it would take an hour at his pace I would walk there with him but a taxi road by and I am fluent enough to say “take him here” and “ I will pay the fare” so hailed it down but the cab driver wouldn’t take him. He said “he’s not normal, he can cause me a lot of trouble” he wouldn’t take him. I walked with him arm in arm until I got to a bigger street there I hailed down another cab. I helped him into the taxi and asked to pay his fare. It was simple this time.

An old  man with a dead cell phone battery with a little paper medicine bag trying to get home.

They come to the cemetery bring their chairs, the rose crowns and the whimsical  smiles  
five years have quickly  passed indeed gutting the closeness of skin
and deep stitching  the ones their cloth to the cloth she was buried within
death does not separate it brings  together
they are woven now with the same thread

May they be a soothing balm
the days that are to come

May they be
moving, regenerative  
and wildly bold
the hours that lie ahead

May they be bright
and always on your side
the thoughts that ring out of your mind

this I wish for you
in the weeks, months
that are to come

May it pull all your seams
tightly together so that today
you feel whole

May your eyes source the world
catalogue its pieces
so that in silence you fall gently
into its beauty
again, and again and again
Until you dissolve
into it’s charm

80's synthesizers for the win  
put aside the nice make-up or the pretty lashes
a pair of earbud and a little DX7 pick me up playlist
and I can ride off into another sonic dimension
as I take a walk through the neighborhood

Life is today
so I wore it like loose blue dress down the streets of Apgujeong on my way to work

I call a new dynamic into place
a loving
nourishing
appreciating love
that expands because it is fed
who knows of devotion

And wherever it abides
–becomes the very home of love itself
All are welcome to it's cove
to be a good resting place when times are hard
Love that inspires more love

I call a new dynamic into this year
So I turn to myself
And ask " are you ready to be more:
loving
nourishing
and appreciating?”


I smile at my reflection; little lady with some bright dark eyes
I feed my body, sleep and make sure to clear my mind with mediation and prayer
I hold the my limbs in the bathtub and rub them
thank you for walking me down all those roads
New dynamics are here unfolding
opening their hands and gently leading you forth
I try to pay attention to the whispers

I do not know
how long it takes
I just know
I am healing

Did you know you glow in magnificence? how you beam and stretch across the darkness just by offering a smile or a warm hello you hold back the night or you deliver me the stars
you see your hands and make them meaningfully toil to get closer to your dreams to get closer to your heart
your divinity and beauty is in no competition with any other womyn
you are calm, sturdy and resilient
you make it out the door with an air of faith and the scent of grace that works through you onto the hands of all who witness you
For all these and more I love you

It finally started raining, here

in Los Angeles and the first thing we did

was so careless step outside looking

at each other smiling my brother and I

realized that the droplets on our clothes

were carrying the round muck of ash

Paradise is in my apartment
It can be found over my small work desk
Or on my soft  blue duvet cover

I can be seen in the scooped white bathroom sink
or piercing on the back of a ray of light
that has made its way through my window

Paradise is in the way I love even the smallest fruit fly over my narrow kitchen counter

And when I close the door it follows me down the street to the convenience store, around the corner to the subway station,
down the street to a small mom and pops restaurant

I have pushed my body passed  it’s limit
wobbled to the pavement swiftly
and appropriately landed on city concrete because by what else would I be cushioned or met by in an eastern metropolis denser than my flat, patchy L.A extending to the sea

I hope I was as kind as possible
that I showed up when it mattered
even if it was not at your timing
and that I tried to lift you
higher
maybe in a young, shaky and clumsily way
but I sure hope it was higher

I hope I was gentle
what I do to others is already done unto me
I hope I lifted you higher
I can only hope

I want to be brave and in my hands hold this ball of love
“I can be anything or anyone. A tree, an ant, a human, a bird.”  
Hold this love in hands so that I am never scared. So there is never “the other”
This ball of light I hold onto let me courageous and let me not forget

this ball of love and light in it the same
knows no separation no boundaries

What do you do with love someone will not take?

Where do you place it ?

How should you feel ?

Everyone has their own heart and it is not their fault their does not love yours.

Light of my light
earth and firth to the sea
hold me in your hands and guide me
release through me your yearning
whisper through me
so that I may sing it in the same key of love as you


(As long as the day can use me and calls me to rise each morning hold my heart in your hands)

The river is the home where the well soothed water flows
and it runs with a purpose: to the sea
It is no longer frozen in its own block somewhere up in the mountains
it is no longer isolated in a small lake

it has taken the best course to find the greatest vision of itself: the ocean  
watch the water flow by and watch her flow with it

My duty is not to suffering
or to a half lived life

My duty is not to complacency
or to self pity or  to “woe is me”

My duty is to releasing all the
“ it’s not that bad” descriptions from my life because anything I describe with “not that bad” is not good enough –not if I want a meaningful and fulfilling life

“it’s not that ..:”must be replaced with “ I am blessed to have this” with the sweet sensation and utterance of “wow, I am so lucky” this is the space I am creating
that is my intention, that is the life I am working on having

I am opening the door to all things that bring joy and all the possibilities of a deeper more authentic life that overflows from my core
onto this daily altar that is my life

I will construct and cultivate beauty in my life and tend to the soil to make sure I thrive

I will pay no mind or turn my head back to acknowledge those who look at my life
and wag their finger
where I see the beauty they can recoil in disgust
I do not care
if what I consider lovely
and the everlasting source of my light
they consider deformed or wrong
this world is too vast and there are many ways to live and express ourselves through it

we must make something splendid something extraordinary even if it is only significant to us

some part of me waits “ for what?” I ask
I think back to the night I saw you
you were good on luck
work was good and you were busy
too busy to chat,
too busy full of good luck to make room

I thought it was good so I smiled and sat silently waited for you there.

But when you came you sat across the table as far as you could possibly get from me
too busy in thought you didn’t even really say a word

Then I felt like an inconvenience like a pole people moved around
so I left

I came too far
and I gambled too much on you
jumped off the cliff thinking your love would be a net

I left that day feeling half dead.
I couldn’t feel my myself. Couldn’t cry for the next few days. I just wanted it to be a horrible nightmare. A bad joke.

So I ask that part me “ what are you waiting for” is it the punch line ?
And it tells me “ I am waiting for my love”
and I just cry...

You can it take it, that loving heap of words
or a love I held dear
you can carry it away in your hands
just take care of it
be gentle
water it with light and love
I will no longer cry late at night
it is the bird in your arms
that you hold onto
I do not need to know why
take care of that bird, love it deeply in this lifetime so that it’s wingspan expands and it soars during the day or dark of night
you can take this love I held dear
just be kind to it
don’t bicker over useless things
use your time to love
love the love I held dear

he started to pretend with me too
a handshake delivered
as if his eyes had never met
the irises of mine

how many people had I ever seen him shake hands with? did he know
one well enough to feign a smile

he made me think of smiles
as masks. I tried to smile
and then I could not

the allure of numbness hung
close to me. I felt in presence of a lost
sincerity or that of an absent friend. I waved
while he sat in his car
with his child and his wife
And so I sent my wishes
for his good fortune asking

that they too multiply with every rotation
of car’s wheels
that the child be fed
that the roof be sturdy
that love bind well the frame of the automobile on the highway on their way home

My heart is warm and my love is not a sin
my love is blessing that makes the flowers grow
and lifts life from the ground
my love is a warm breeze
and I cannot go on thinking my love destroys
or that it has got a bad scent

My love is profound and above all it is a gift
tender and gentle
lovingly finding spring even in winter

I think of you and how you carry
too much, even your old house number
is your phone number. actually, I thought that was quite beautiful(what you did:keeping those numbers) one of those human made engravings of poetry
onto the block of life
you are too thoughtful, and full of possibility
do you see yourself as I see you ? Do you know ?

My heart is in healing mode
it want to sing, dance, smile and find the small delights that bring joy into my  life
it is too early to open it to anyone
my heart just wants to love itself
even more so
return to its own home
it wants glide on its own wind
roam its own forests
be sweet but not spoiling of others around it

pen over the blankness
hands drafting
their portion intuitively reimagined

My wish is to be regarded as human. My gift is to be human.

The wind holds everything. It even holds the love we lost; this love is held, rocked to sleep and awakened in another heart that beats with courage and says “I love you”. This love is like another outlet that runs to your heart’s ocean
and with fervor rushes down a hill
and calmly makes it way on the slight inclines until it enters the coastal.  
This love is yours from the every beginning to the very end. Yours.

I soften into life
while I sit over a large cushion
reaching my left hand deep into my chest
pulling  out the heavy ball of yarn that has been sitting there
I gaze upon on it, at first I want to recoil in sorrow, but I keep holding it and decide I must start to knit
knit it into something like sweater that can be of use when the next winter comes
that can be gifted to someone else
that can expand into kindness

that is what I want to do with this
that is what I want to do with my life

I rake the leaves from the floor and gather them into bundles and make them into adornments

I see their beauty
and I want others to see it too

I do not care if someone watching
finds it odd
the majesty of life  can be found in a leaf, too
and in all the small things
in the tinniest of creatures, too

You look at squares photographs of people
as if they were isolated drawings of a dandelion or a primrose
you take the person and disconnect them from the root
from the dark soil and the sunlight that grew them into beautiful blooming
beings
you study their exterior
look at them as if they were peeled carrots
peanuts without the shell

I wish I could tell you “please do not be mad” or “lets laugh about this”, but it is too painful for me
and I do not know what to do
I am just trying my best to hang onto myself

A magnet
all things meant for me
are coming

A tower
all that is searching for me
is docking on my shores

A divine mystery
all which my being longs for
arriving

over your head
you can keep ten cloaks
hide behind enough distance
so that everything might be
half life and half made up
in your mind–
but I want to witness supple miracles
tucked in reality’s silk slip, it’s splendid
tales so unbelievable
they shakes reality’s vines to offer
the juiciest of grapes
I honor all creases, all bruises
all howling nights if it means
I can see the day breaking
so bright and clear over the my life’s
horizon

This is enough
walking down the stairs as it opens up to a wide corridor, these people, this place and me
as I am –enough

and all my dreams in the bending
of my wrist
all of my heart can be found
spread out inside  pulsating chests
within all the people around me

My whole existence a blink and simultaneously
an eternity in the shared
look, that give my loved one
eyes to eyes endlessly suspended
in this sea of living

over our small dinner table I could be finite
and I could be infinite

I made it from hot to holy
from holy to hot
from toothpicks next the counter
to a foreign metropolis
from palm oasis to squished buildings
so pressed at the sides, they can only grow upwards
I made it from feeling like fire, a woman at the top of Neguá to feeling like a fire and all of life

If you wake have it be with peace and in a lot of silence that has no fence, and stretches as far as the eye can see.

1.
The car speeds past the pedestrians walking across the street
When did life become unwelcomed?

The public schools around the Banc of California Stadium are low in funding. Kids in hoodies with old text books and underpaid teachers make their way through the heavy traffic on buses and in cars.

When did the prosperity of life become selective?

The grass, the trees, the flowers, bloom through the cement cracks.And an inner city scholar, bound for college likens this image to their life.

when did creating unnecessary struggles for life become useful?

2.
An older woman with a grey sweatshirt and three bags is sitting on the steps of a gym while the security guard tells her “you cannot be here” . While a few feet from her, a young man taking a lunch break finishes his sandwich.

“When did life become unwelcomed”  I hear the pigeons above her sing, as they try to perch over the clear spikes
their song nesting deep within my mind

Today I empty the chest and release all this longing and all this sadness. They do not suit me well; I think I rather go back to joy and my single cup of tea. The turntable is a good enough companion for me when the evening comes and I want to sing along to Nick Drake or attempt to dance rumba by myself.

Sap dripping over a tree at the beginning of summer
makes me think of dripping rain’s viscosity
How fast can droplets from the sky make their way down a an electrical pole to the drain
And if I dare climb it at what speed would my body descend like cat vertically down

the black & white image measured in distance only by the ticks of a clock and the cycles of human life sits on my chest

all the gentleness and love cannot be measured by digital clocks nor can a heart
for its growth is limitless

May whatever comes your way dear
make ya' smile
may whatever view is framed
by your window awaken the timeless
beauty in ya'
for you too are reflected within it
let the swaying trees outside gently whisper 
towards your direction  "you are our brother"

There is pleasantness
all around me
I will commit myself
to seeing it every day

comforting can be the night
as my body relaxes and becomes tender
with it, too the mind soothes
and there is no need to worry

there is pleasantness all around us
you can slowly let your body drift to into the serenity of sleep