I am. Everything after that can fall away. Everything after that is a box.

I sing to you the way a butterfly sings to a still flower
I sing to you in the midst of winter as your petals wither
I sing not just to you but to the wind that shakes your stem and to the sun the feeds your belly, when I sing there is water in my breathe and the flower’s  carbon
food on my exhale
I sing because to sing is to nourish the earth; it is to breath with the everything
at once

She has died
40 books swirl in our hands
As we pass them from friend to friend
During dim light living room conversations
Or read them to our beloved ones to whom we wish
Could understand

We are perfumed by her once presence and uplifted
To know that transformation and love are the ways
The most meaningful of acts

The base of my spine was tilted causing everything that stacked above it to be miss aligned
any shoulder so stiff when that when pressed on they would not crack
“Are you pain?” He asked
He began to try and relax the muscles and crack my bones back into place

Your beauty was not invented your beauty was given

Given at birth when you opened your eyes
present before your name was lined up in any mind
a truth that is what your beauty is

my dear tender eyes
the smallest things are the greatest things
disguised by nothing
their beauty standing on its own and like truth
it can only be recognized
so my dear tender eyes take my hand and can you feel we are made of that same tenderness that tilts towards love

A million splendid subs could not quench my hunger for words so I tried to look outside “when the spirit catches you” pages and found life more alluring than any page
for creative then any hand to pen

I so sweetly give into my heart and my being who see no limits
who dream dreams bigger than I could ever find tucked in the furthest closet of my being
They are guides and I follow their flashlight that flickers through the forest and the city and I meet them at night and in the morning to join hands and write

And I knew today that I would not leave you
that so was my love I dissolved into a sea and could longer pick out the grains of salt that were me

I do not want to pick me out I want to the part of me that is you to live and wilt as all life does when it’s time comes. How many years, how many embraces–I want them all next to you.

He asks me how I know that song
it’s piece by Satie
I can’t remember when I first heard it playing
“I am no not sure” I say
it whereabouts lost in the fog,
grown small in the rear view mirror of my life
I stack words like children blocks to say
“I grew up around musicians” I tell him

Knock them down with a a first of “ I have listened to a lot of stuff involuntarily… I was just there like a sponge absorbing”

Satie will play on…
I will keep far away my uncles guitars and cousins counter with wires and pick ups
my brother’s nylon string and my grandmothers singing
“ I just really like music; who doesn't?

What can I do if my tongue does not want to stretch. I boil some tea in hopes that it will loosen its tea leaves unfreeze this iceberg of a lengua
I am an ice picker just trying to carve this **** thing but it is stuck and ten Hail Mary don’t warm it up, two miles along the river do little to exercise it; only my feet feel the distance but where in the world is my tongue–daydreaming in my mouth.I drink more tea hoping that it will be jolted awake by the unbearable heat of my pu’er tea like a woman who feel asleep at the sauna reddened not only by embarrassment but by the sheer heat.

The trees are about to defy winter
like high driver
1-2-3

Here they go

Let me show you how worthy you are
how beautiful you are
and why it’s worth protecting  every flower until it dries and dies
instead of thinking “ it will die anyway so what is the point”
the point is the process, the growth not the end
we are not about ends but the mysterious in between

My wish is to be regarded as human. My gift is to be human.

My best friend’s girlfriends name is Kat. We talked about jazz, Palmdale and drummer, writers, poetry, therapy and love– outlives transformed by it. The sun rose where I was and the sun was setting where he was. It said it was so beautiful and he started to cry and I started to cry. We said “I love you” and ended our call.

Once upon a time there was a mirror and
I spoke to it the cursed words
“Mirror mirror on the wall”
and it spoke back to me “ yes”
And I asked it “what is the fairest end to this all”
and it responded “nor I nor mother time know, we appeared just like you”

(The mirror grew silent and then recited to me “earthling, earthing on the other side what’s is like to be alive” and I awoke)

I could not write about the people I lost during a short writing class exerciae. My sentences circled
swirled inward on the page
the way my departed and my beloved
swirl within me the sacred spiral
my endless nature trying to map itself out on a thin piece of paper

When it comes ravaging
cutting your skin with glass
let the shards that fly in the same manner as a sandstorm expose the bones
for once and for stop hiding
all the brilliant shimmer that comes being being cut so deeply, the beauty white bone reflecting the light

3 ways to say this earth is really beautiful

I want to cusp your soil in my hands
I fancy the touch of your moss
Are you earth because my eyes see “art” in you

when someone dies with a forest full of light in their mouth
there is no asking “can we replant those tall oaks”  
there is no longer any waning of the moon
not waiting for the fullness to add to the fluorescence of a mouth
when someone dies with so much light
you thank the earth they every sprouted from its minerals bathed in flesh with shiny eyes that reflected like the oceans water

When someone dies with a forest full of light in their mouth
you can weep for beauty complex to do so

you be so lucky to die with a forest full of light in your light

Let go, this story is too painful, too many pits for you to fall in
for once and for all
let go

all stories obstruct
all narratives limit
yes time passes
you can carry very verb, every noun
but I promise you your load will be too heavy

Just let go, start again
free, May this moment open you
May this life and all the boxes you put yourself and me in melt like icicles

I want for you the greatest gift of all. The lightness and the presence
the peace that they say surpasses all
it real
Please, let go
do not stay stuck to tangles web of stories
I want for you the most beautiful of lives
Let go, it has been enough now
This living is opening, this heart of yours is overflowing
Let go, you do not need the past
you passed it, you are brave whole and ever radiant as the wrinkles begin to deepen when you smile
Let go and laugh
Let go and love
Love, come back to love
no for me, not for anyone
just back to love
Love for the daisies, the sun, the wind
love for your humble soul
Love
let go and love again

I seek peace and reconciliation
everything else:
the silence
the arguing
the finger pointing
the largest vine extending from the past to a future I project I cut

Pruning this life from all stories, no past, no future only this spacious garden of presence that I hold it all

You do not have to show up and see every daisy in spring
you don’t not have to hold many hands
just interlace your finger with those of your beloved few
and more importantly you only have to be here
for this one second

Because I love you this place stirs me
cold or hot is not an issue; the summer or winter are okay. Because I love you the mountains of the past dissolve into the sea as a seismic shift internally takes place. Because I love you everything rumbles, clears in the name of lightness, making room for beauty and joy to be shared with you. Because I love you, I am transforming.

They are standing on the hills behind me each one
but now I am standing on another

I climbed this mountain up hand in hand with him
this mount that then became a mountain is now becoming an Everest, my love full so full it overflows and drips  as compassion

Where ever the water leads, I go … trickle trickle, trickle no longer ice
no longer thick and sturdy
and willing to carry anything
light and fluid I rest
to nourish what’s around wherever I go

I would still love you
set ablaze ten suns with a match
and run after a wild rabbit in the forest even after dark

there, I am sure I would not fear
even the rustling leaves

there they could punish me, bring down the inquisition, accuse at the stake, but I still would find a way to forgive and smile in your direction

I would still love you
sometimes I do not think it good
to feel such things

What’s a maid doing running into the woods after a cow
what’s the earth doing revolving the sun
don’t ask me. Don’t ask me anymore.

Mistral en la costa de mi corazón se lleva el noble arrullo y la sigo hacia el un mundo de sueños

When it rings within my ear
like it has done today
,yesterday and all the other days
when like an arrow it pierces though my third eye until I have to no eyes, no hands no past
nor future
no more stories to curtail the moment

Everything springs springing
joy, over thin skin, over the fragile scent of spring that ends and soars like the birds before winter,
ever looming, before it looks us in the eyes

Everything even I open to the cold as I did to the warmth

When I cannot, i brim over with words like a glass of water.

I met you here on this earth so I am not going to curse and complain I am going to say thank you. I am going to knee tonight and praise this life for in it my eyes first opened and this heart was cast into flesh. Oh how I will love harder, oh how I will love deeper
Oh how do anything else that live

My childhood friend died yesterday. I tried to cry but I couldn’t feel a things. I listened to his albums; smooth lines about being raised in LA. I was there,too long ago by his side–being“smart” is what “saved us”.


Numbness, is all that came to me. I didn’t even bother asking my body for the tears. Today, I felt like was a half unfrozen popsicle so I went to sing. And finally I I unfroze… cried and cried and unfroze-dripping all over the karaoke room.

all stories can be dropped
And all can be accepted

When I look at you, the world shifts into gear and my life begins to roll
the prospect of winter does not seem cold
and the primroses in my coastal begin to seed

When I look at him, all oceans part with a gentle willingness to love despite separation

When I look at you, I put my plans together and pray a thank you to life

When I think of him, A grateful smile
comes over my face and I understand some sacrifices are stacked like plates

When I look at you, I want to love you as much as I loved him
as deeply
as tender
as nourishing
and we are on our way

When I look at you, I know life goes on across the bend, around the corner,passed a true love and arriving at my door while in recovery

The wind holds everything. It even holds the love we lost; this love is held, rocked to sleep and awakened in another heart that beats with courage and says “I love you”. This love is like another outlet that runs to your heart’s ocean
and with fervor rushes down a hill
and calmly makes it way on the slight inclines until it enters the coastal.  
This love is yours from the every beginning to the very end. Yours.

I am like everyone else and because I am like everyone else I am beautiful.

We hold our traditions as our ways to life
in our pocket books
in your our palms pressed together
in our sutras
in our rosaries
In our myths
in our stories of creation

We place devotion in whatever path our heart has been lead to and with devotion
we find where they truly lead. To now and it infinitesimal  wisdom and unity

When the bees buzz over the ripened fruit, you will know it was love that brought them to the stamen not pollination.

I want to be brave and in my hands hold this ball of love
“I can be anything or anyone. A tree, an ant, a human, a bird.”  
Hold this love in hands so that I am never scared. So there is never “the other”
This ball of light I hold onto let me courageous and let me not forget

this ball of love and light in it the same
knows no separation no boundaries

It is raining outside but close to me
it is dry and warm; monsoon
season rests in my chest
rain descends consecutively like each living
second–
one after the other making both, life and rain, seem endless.

the clouds trickle their misunderstood grey-ness into my yogurt bowl sweetening my existence; each droplet a new second held in time so I count: 
 1 - 2 -3 -4 …until I arrive at endlessness, presence and peace)

It feels like I took one deep breathe and never exhaled until now.

It’s in the small moments you being to steal my heart, scooping it with your hands as if you have known well what it’s like to have an ***** decompose, return to soil, recycled to nourish once again this earth

It’s in the small moments when you play out 1966 salsa albums, Ray Barretto, Robert Roena that homesick in Jamwon-**** near the station in our tiny home, that I the dust begin to rise

that my heart, my being just as immense as all of life, mundane and earthly dances in our small kitchen. how much I love that in your hands you hold me and I don’t sieve through; I get thicker.

It was simply Smokey as if the pieces still slipping down her ****** had in those extra days marinated and were now ready to come out to the light of day to become jerky

When you pick courage from your mother’s garden
don’t pick the rock, pick the flower if you must leave your home and venture onwards

dont be scared that the flower will wither and you’ll be left courageless. It will dry and take a new form, but it will be with you.  Please  don’t worry that dry flower will last long; long enough to accompany one human lifetime-maybe even more.

You can’t stay there forever
your heart ruptures and breaks open
your life becomes magma cooling
new earth being created from a violent
or effusive explosion but new soil nonetheless

Prove someone wrong
chose the person
chose the exact words

prove someone wrong
run into another hamster wheel
until you have proved you are “__”

make “__” your motivation. Add another layer to your persona; keep your ego fresh sautéing those words over it

jump into that wheel
do it, again
and again

and when your finally exhausted
find out that living for someone else is not as powerful
as living for your own being

proving is over. you do not need a hamster
wheel. proving is over. You powerful
when you are fulfilling your own heart. Proving ends and you begin

I have forgiven everyone
every hurtful thing
has no space within my heart

that is why my words towards them bare lightness
it mercy for myself and for them
nothing is worthy of carrying

am I bee
be am I
Bee I am
beeee
I am
am I to believe
that I am a bee

when he kisses me I sometimes crumble

I love him but not as much as I loved the one before him

when he kisses me it is joy delivered
and sorrow brimming
from the wet kiss
the other never pecked
softly over my lips


when he kisses me I want to forget
the love I held for the one before

When he kisses me it’s like a tectonic
plate of  sorrow meets a tectonic plate of joy
and the earth shakes
and I quake
and I crumble, crumble again and again
every time  he kisses me I know why earthquakes rumble