And I knew today that I would not leave you
that so was my love I dissolved into a sea and could longer pick out the grains of salt that were me

I do not want to pick me out I want to the part of me that is you to live and wilt as all life does when it’s time comes. How many years, how many embraces–I want them all next to you.

He asks me how I know that song
it’s piece by Satie
I can’t remember when I first heard it playing
“I am no not sure” I say
it whereabouts lost in the fog,
grown small in the rear view mirror of my life
I stack words like children blocks to say
“I grew up around musicians” I tell him

Knock them down with a a first of “ I have listened to a lot of stuff involuntarily… I was just there like a sponge absorbing”

Satie will play on…
I will keep far away my uncles guitars and cousins counter with wires and pick ups
my brother’s nylon string and my grandmothers singing
“ I just really like music; who doesn't?

What can I do if my tongue does not want to stretch. I boil some tea in hopes that it will loosen its tea leaves unfreeze this iceberg of a lengua
I am an ice picker just trying to carve this **** thing but it is stuck and ten Hail Mary don’t warm it up, two miles along the river do little to exercise it; only my feet feel the distance but where in the world is my tongue–daydreaming in my mouth.I drink more tea hoping that it will be jolted awake by the unbearable heat of my pu’er tea like a woman who feel asleep at the sauna reddened not only by embarrassment but by the sheer heat.

The trees are about to defy winter
like high driver
1-2-3

Here they go

Let me show you how worthy you are
how beautiful you are
and why it’s worth protecting  every flower until it dries and dies
instead of thinking “ it will die anyway so what is the point”
the point is the process, the growth not the end
we are not about ends but the mysterious in between

My wish is to be regarded as human. My gift is to be human.

My best friend’s girlfriends name is Kat. We talked about jazz, Palmdale and drummer, writers, poetry, therapy and love– outlives transformed by it. The sun rose where I was and the sun was setting where he was. It said it was so beautiful and he started to cry and I started to cry. We said “I love you” and ended our call.