she brings them out coffee when they come to buy meals at her mom and pop’s restaurant
without charge
that’s just the way she is my loving M

she tells me it’s so cold
and that those folks need to stay warm
And I think of the times that I walked to her home as an adolescent because it was too cold for me to stay in front of the school and wait for my dad

Everything became it
and it became me
and toggled between matter and gi

I want to write about the way the stars swallowed with matter the emptiness
and how the moons began to orbit the planets and how the planets became
silent floating dreamers
witnessing a red giant’s combustion
the ardent way a life burns bright in the midst of such a universe as our
all inevitably traveling towards extinguishment

It is today I want to write about all the possible impossibles that brought me here
I sitting on an orbiting rock
my chest rising and falling with bones just below flesh and arteries pumping rivers of red blood through me

When people give their hearts to poetry, to music, to dance, to art–
to the arts
do they know they are giving themselves back to life
do they know that there is no separation

“I am__” does not matter. You are life

Hi little star we made many mistakes
tumbled to the mercy of old habits
found at the very tips of our being
touched deep wells of sorrow

little star there is nothing I want more
than to make sure your path gets better
and that from here on I am better, too

we did really roll down the hill and into the lake, but moving in water is starting to feel refreshing

we made many errors but that is what takes me from pain to humbleness  to continual humbleness  to refreshing humbleness to liberating encompassing humbleness

I am cataloging the thoughts that pull me into a whirlwind of incompassionate self-talk
observing them
carefully watching them in hopes of not repeating old patterns
in hopes of breaking away
in hopes of being more conscious of the way I live
and the way I want to spend this life
my little notebook and I held together by my hope writing down each painful thought we wish we did not have to admit to

We went surfing as a team of five
out into the water helping each other know when to catch a wave

we floated over the waves
and we fell often,
I fell often
always just 3 feet from the shore
everyone kept trying
and we cheered for each other each time one of us rode a wave

and every-time the waves were too strong that it knocked one of them over like rag doll
I saw their head emerge again from the water their arms reach for their boards
we failed together many times
but still we stuck together
in their bruises a similar purple to the one in mine