I can bear the weight of my own light

in it rests my being

when I am there
there is no need to listen I move within it
and with it
and I know where I should go
when I listen to the path my life wants to take
and I honor its pull it leads me to next right place which is always now

I do not believe in cutting down the wilderness within a girl

I let the one that wants to stomp, stomp around
I let the gentle ones speak softly and or nod their heads to say yes

I watch them carefully each one so different that  I am careful not to  throw fire into a cool river or more wood into a blazing fire
I watch them because then I can can truly point them down the footpath that leads to their own doorstep  

I am present with them so that I can tell when the one that stomps has had enough

I am observant so that when gentle one is too gentle I can metaphorically hold their hands and lower my voice and ask them to tell me what they truly think

I must be attentive with them all
with their energies with their natures with their way of being

they are wild in their own way and I want them to keep it but not be limited by it
I want them to be what they are but also grow into fuller forests that when any being beholds them they feel a wholesome richness because they never lost it

How should I have felt
How should I have acted
I moved across the world
left everyone I loved


How should I have handled it
when I left the second closet empty
and the half of the bathroom cabinet
half the living room empty

how should I have felt ?

should I have felt okay


how should I have felt ?
Do you know ?
Can you tell me ?

What do I do with this love in my chest:
I let it roam the room because when it is stuck inside it feels repressed, and I hear it when I come back from work banging on the door

Some days it shows up on one of my walks
and I let linger by my side
I acknowledge it so
I speak to it “ this is a normal part of getting older isn’t it ...the getting your heart ripped out, right ?”
it answers “ only metaphorically”

Sometimes it’s an unexpected coffee shop song that like a lamp that is stroked three times lets the genie out
“Make three wishes” it utters in my direction

“First that only good comes of this”
“Second, that there be light which illuminates him for the rest of his days”
“ three: that this makes me a kinder human being”

I choose what feels good to me
what feeds my spirit and makes me stronger
I continue to reach with the fullness of my heart forth
and I do not silence that little voice because that is violence against myself;it harms me and then I am no different from someone else who hurt me.

There is always hope to lift us in the morning hours and gently guide us
quietly without a word

Hope that presses against us like a little purring cat
like the penetrating ray of light
that comes in through the window
and bathes the whole room

There is always hope

and if we have it and we add to it courage
then there is no need to despair
we can change anything
how lucky are we that a few decisions
can bring about inner change
and in turn outer change to

I pushed myself, I listen to the little voice and I shed limitations
painful and uncomfortable but I learn and I grow and that this what this life is for