Although I've long given up on you
I still feel that surge of pain
When people ask me if you're still around
And I have to answer again and again
That I haven't heard from you
For quite a while
And my heart still breaks a little
When I think of your smile
And no one ever notices
How painfully and longingly I sigh
When I think of the fact
That you never said even said goodbye

The grass is only greener on the other side because it's envious of the grass on yours. The flowers wilt because the know they'll never be as beautiful as you, darling. The sun hides behind the clouds in shame because it can't compare to the light that sparks in your eyes when you dance in the night. Your heart breaks because it just can't take all the love pumping through it. Your mind says all those nasty things to you because it's jealous of your brilliance. So don't worry my dear, find the good in the bad, and I promise you can do it.

I miss you
With every beat
Of my pained heart.

You are the paint that won't wash off my fingers
You are the smell of coffee as it brews at 7 am
You are the ink of the words in my poetry
You are the pages of an old book in a library
You are the winter wind against my cheeks
You are the tune of the keys on a grand piano
You are everything around me.

I can't fake a smile anymore. 18 years and I'm just too tired. I can't keep ruining things with the way I am. I really tried. For a long time, I did. But it's too much now, so I'm letting go. Letting it all go. Because it's too much weight to bear anymore.

I've considered killing myself
More times than I've considered
Learning how to live again
Because I don't want to
Live all over again
Only to die all over again
I've thought about cutting my wrists
More times than I've tried
Letting the other cuts heal
I've cried over you
More times than I've smiled
In my whole life
I've told others
How beautiful and fantastic they are
More times than I've told myself
I'm worth something
I've lost more than I've gained
And died more than I lived
The amount of tears I cried could drown
The amount of times I've smiled

The past three birthdays I had, you celebrated with me. I woke on the day of my new year awaiting the "Happy Birthday" that came from you. And my 18th is rapidly approaching. The one I've been scared of all along. And you're not here to offer me comfort as you used to. And I feel betrayed.. And lost. And I wish you didn't have such a strong hold on my heart strings. Please, let me go.

I wish I was a candle
Because when a candle gets burned
To the point of no return
It just slowly melts away
It doesn't have to live on
Harboring all the pain
It just disappears
Until it is nothing
I am nothing
So why haven't I been given the gift of disappearing?

I'll bask in the glory
Of the unknown
I'll love you so much
It'll break my bones
There's not much
I know for sure
But I surely want
To be with her

I don't know who I am when you're gone. Because I found my missing puzzle piece in the palm of your hand and when I held it I was complete. But you left without warning so I'm empty and mourning in this cold house with no heat. You told me I was your angel but your words were so hollow. I'm not sure I believe you and I can't seem to swallow my tears anymore. I still wear that ring that you gave me on my birthday and it reminds me of the things I'm dying to tell you that I just can't say. You're so close to me yet farther away than ever before and I can't help but to sit here and wonder why you closed this door. So while I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my heart, your memory is just tearing me apart. I love you still and I always will I just cant remember why I do, but I'll never forget you.

**** me
Just let me go
**** that part of me
That lives on in your soul
I can not
Live on anymore
Tear me out
Don't heal the sore
Let me go
Just let me leave
I'm begging you
To believe
I loved you once
I swear I did
I never lied
But you always did

My feelings.
Can you sense them?
They grow for you each day.
My heart.
It swells.
A small price to pay.
The thought of you.
Envelops my brain.
Filled with words you say.
Dreams.
You're in mine.
Come out to play.
I love you.
I have for while.
Forever in love I'll stay.

Go a day
Without your phone
Observe nature
You're not alone
Hear the wind
Whisper through the trees
Let it in
That feeling of ease
Don't tweet about it
Don't Facebook check in
Just let the sunlight
Dance on your skin

I crave my head cradled in your neck
To look up from that safe place
And stare into your eyes of golden flecks
I want our fingers to intertwine
And my scent to linger on your everything
I want to sleep close to you
And listen to our rhythmic breathing
I want the moon to be in my heart
And the stars to be in your eyes
Because we wish on stars to give us hope
And you're where my hope lies

Help.
I'm.
Feeling.

C