I'm the human embodiment of self destruction
I hurt myself until I can barely function
You're worthless, I hiss
Why am I like this?
My skin has scars from self harm
I rip apart my own arms
Bruises from punching walls
I just say they're from nasty falls
The second I feel happy
My mind won't let that be
I tell myself hideous things
The second my heart sings
I crave to be alive
But my body only thrives
On self loathing and hate
Is this really my fate?
Am I doomed to hurt every day?
What kind of a life is worth living this way?

I take a cigarette out of the pack
Flip it over and put it back
I don't even smoke
And I'm too broke
To try and start
But there's this feeling in my heart
Of loneliness and I'm scared
But this nicotine makes me feel like someone cares
So I puff and listen to the sounds of the city
Wishing I felt pretty
Like the lights that dance on the asphalt
And I know it's my fault
That I feel this way
But there's too much I need to say
To get out of this black hole
& I'm not sure I have enough strength in my soul
Filled with smoke and nicotine
And I'm barely eighteen
And I don't know if I can live a lifetime like this
Completely and utterly emotionless

I don't like to write all my feelings down poetically. I can only turn sad stuff into pretty poems. But when it comes to the content melancholy feelings it's something better left directly said. I'm not happy. But I'm not exactly sad either. I'm exceedingly emotionless. I'm not even sure if that's a good state or a bad state to be in. I suppose it's at least a clear state to be in. You can see things for what they are. You're not blinded by happiness nor are you shrouded in sadness. So I guess melancholy isn't so bad.

I've lost so many people
Through death
Through betrayal
Through the natural course of life
So darling, don't be upset
That I'm okay with losing you too
It's par for the course
Something I've grown accustomed to
Don't expect my heart to shatter
You can't break something that's not there
I'm made to walk alone
And I'm okay with that
If you'd like to walk alone
By my side
Then be my guest
But it won't make me
Or break me
If I have to go solo
Because I can live happily
With or without you

I feel like we use our body for the wrong things. We see the ugliness of the world, speak negativity, hear the negativity that others speak and feel sad because of it and it becomes a vicious cycle. I think if we used our eyes to see the beauty in everything and everyone, used our mouths to speak only positive messages, used our ears to listen to others and their positivity, and felt as much happiness as we possibly could, maybe the world would be a better place.

The grass is only greener on the other side because it's envious of the grass on yours. The flowers wilt because the know they'll never be as beautiful as you, darling. The sun hides behind the clouds in shame because it can't compare to the light that sparks in your eyes when you dance in the night. Your heart breaks because it just can't take all the love pumping through it. Your mind says all those nasty things to you because it's jealous of your brilliance. So don't worry my dear, find the good in the bad, and I promise you can do it.

I live by the light of the moon
Dancing underneath the castles in the sky
The night's beauty makes me swoon
And I fell for her mid July
The call of day comes in with the tide
I run from daylight's kiss
In caverns I hide
Because I only live in darkness
When the sun shines bright I can't see
Through squinted eyes
There's no beauty around me
But through the lunar skies
Love reigns supreme
The dark and I together
We make quite a team