Keep it together
You can do it
Just push it down
Build a layer over it

Tears swell up
Heart pounding
The heavy weight
Upon your shoulders

Your mind wary
From the sleepless nights
That are now
An unbreakable habit

The butterflies of hope
Dropping one by one
A graveyard
In your stomach

If you stare at your wall
for long enough
Shapes morph
Upon the emptiness
before your very eyes

I found this was the case as
yet again
I am lying here
staring at my bedroom wall
Seeing your face

It’s 3 am
And I find myself missing you
I will never understand
How you webbed yourself
in the corner of my heart

Tears dancing across
from eyes to pillow
The sound of my own pain
Muffled faintly by my hand
Stomach cramping from control

You are gone
There’s no changing that
But for once
I wish you knew the pain
you caused

I lie here
Thinking of you – of us
But I know
That I am, again,
The girl you never knew

You will never care
As I once did
Because that would require
Putting others
before yourself

You always knew
The exact right words to say
To make sure everyone knew
That the thing that mattered the most
Was yourself

There was fire
That roared
Between our souls
But living fire
Begets cold, impotent ash

I need to forget you
But your web
Is tangled
through the strings of my heart
And the depths of my thoughts

The fire you started
Is no longer contained
But is destroying
The forest
That is my mind

I have one wish.
I wish
To forget
What we once were
Erase it from history

You played me
From the start
The foundation of us
Was built
On a foundation of deceit

And was washed away
By the powerful river
Of truth
Knocking me from
Our haven

But instead
Into the world of reality
Where I saw you
For who you
Truly were

If I could forget you
This fire
That is burning my mind
Would be gone
No trace of destruction

The world outside
The false haven you built
Is dark and cold
And no light
Lives here

I now know the agony
That you leave behind
But my heart forever craves
The warmth
Of our fire

It’s time to open your eyes little girl
You’re gonna like this giant world and all it brings
Squeeze my finger and look into my eyes
I know one day your gonna live like kings.

It’s time to take your first steps little girl
You went from crawling to walking so fast
Before you know it you’ll be running across the world
I can see you enjoying life and having a blast.

It’s time to believe in yourself little girl
This is the time you have to be free
Make up little adventures in your mind
Smile and laugh at these thoughts with glee.

It’s time to meet a mean man little girl
Don’t worry, just close your eyes and it’ll be over soon
Just keep counting in your mind, stay distracted
Don’t listen to your body crying, stay in your little cocoon.

It’s time for school little girl
There is so much here for you to learn
But one thing you will learn the most, is how to self-hate
To look like all the pretty girls, that is what you’ll yearn.

It’s time to make yourself sick little girl
You ate too much and now you need to fix this
You cannot get fat, nobody will love you like that
Just stop eating and all that weight will be abyss.

It’s time to acknowledge the darkness little girl.
At first you didn’t notice it but you know it’s there
It follows you everywhere you go, like a gloomy cloud
It’s almost an accessory that you will forever wear.

It’s time to cut yourself for the first time little girl
It will be excruciating and blood will go everywhere
It may hurt but you need an output for all this pain
I know all you want is to vanish into thin air.

It’s time to fall in love little girl
I warn you, it is not at all what it seems
There’s no such thing as a happily ever after
That is only something you will see in your dreams.

It’s time to be in the honeymoon stage little girl
You’re gonna love it here, it’s nice and safe
It’s almost like nothing else matters
Just remember this feeling before you become a waif.

It’s time to fight all the time little girl
You thought you loved him but now he makes you feel like nothing
You will ask yourself if this is what true love feels like
But no matter what, he will be the one you’re trusting.

It’s time to lose all your friends little girl
You will lose yourself in trying to keep something alive
He says he loves you but why does he keep making you feel this way
It will always seem like he’s mad at you, how can you survive?

It’s time to have your heart broken little girl
And yes it will happen many times with this one guy
You will question if there is any life to live anymore
And you will be sitting there for hours as you cry.

It’s time to be strong little girl
You know you can get over all of this
Don’t let your crown fall, you’re a little princess
And all the bad thoughts and feeling you will dismiss.

It’s time to feel the shadows again little girl
You thought you could overcome all the unhelpfulness
But here you are lying in bed at 3 am, suffocating in tears
You will question yourself and all this ridiculousness.

It’s time to put on your mask little girl
Don’t show the world how much you are suffering
Wipe those tears off your face,
Don’t tell a soul how hard it is covering.

It’s time to sit alone little girl
holding your mouth shut as tears burn down your cheek
You will sit there and realise that nobody knows how sad you are
But that’s better than being seen as weak.

It’s time to think little girl
You will question if this is a life worth living
You look at what you have to lose if you were to go
And if you stay how much longer you can keep on giving.

It’s time to make a decision little girl.