We were meant to destroy eachother

It's easier to pretend you don't exist

Have I forced this feeling back enough for me to forget it
Or has it finally died
Waves of relief and depression
Keep washing over me
Am I over it
Or am I finally desensitized
It's not keeping me up anymore
Do I celebrate
Or do I mourn
Only time will tell

I deserve this

This happiness
As well as this anguish

I know now that what I longed for
Isn't what I needed

I wish things were different
But I finally feel like I'm being treated
the way I was supposed to be

I'm not a bad person for wanting to be happy

And maybe she won't make me happy

But at least I feel wanted again

And that's the most valuable I've felt in nearly a year

Every time I time I think I'm vacant
Seeing you floods my chest again
I don't know how much more I can stomach
I think I need to run away from this
But the more I run the harder it becomes to breath
I can't imagine the damage I've done to you
We were doomed from the start
Weren't we?

I wish I could tell you
Everything I want to say
All the things you don't want to hear
Things that I'm probably too stupid to articulate

But you don't know what you want
Like I do
And that's you

Am I conceded
And selfish
For even writing this?

Something must be wrong
I must be delusional
To think that anyone would look forward to seeing, holding, or kissing me
As much as I have for anyone else
Love is a dead concept
My chest is hollow
And will remain that way
So I'll stop trying to fill it
In hopes that I feel numb again