Label me 'Fragile'
Please handle with care

Contents include:

1 heart of glass

I edit my own memory
My history a constant mosaic of events that may or may not have happened
Over dramatized or overlooked
Cut for time
Added for effect
Sometimes I forget who I am
Was that conversation real?
I replay moments thatve been tampered by my own biased feelings
Occasionally though
There are things I can recall perfectly
At 6 years old I layed in the back of my parents car and watched tree branches
float through the sky as if being pulled by on a sheet
From time to time my memory focuses
And I'll gesture as if fixing the lens
And then the clarity of your face on that perfect night cuts through
Your speaker reflected blue and green and reds on the walls while we listened to Elliot and spoke about life like cinema
I remember thinking that this could not be real
That someone added another reel to my reality to make it more interesting
And I remember you slipping into sleep and as my eyes grew heavy I couldn't help the small stream of tears that built up and collapsed in the corners of them
That moment was pure happiness for me
I hope it was for you too
We may never have a moment like that again
Who knows
But I'm so glad I could share something that beautiful with you
I wouldn't want it with anyone else

How can I sleep when every time I close my eyes they are not alone?
There's an impression on the back of my eyelids and when I shut them My eyes are joined by yours
I see every memory associated with them
The tiny wrinkles that surround them when you smiled
Every tear that beaded up and traveled down your cheek
The lazy dilation when you were too tired to get out of bed
The frustrations you were too afraid to express
Your pupils told a story
And sometimes if I try hard enough I can see my reflection in them
Or maybe that's the remnants of me in the back of your mind
I often wonder what I'm doing there in your thoughts
What is my place there?
Is it a constant reinactment of our past?
Over dramatized reruns of one of our episodes?
Maybe it's fantasy's for the future?
Expectations I could probably never live up to
A perfectly placed hand, kiss, or choice of words that I was too blind to catch
Another que I missed
Or all of the above?
Do you see your reflection in mine?
Can you see yourself dancing playfully
In the dimly lit halls of my imagination?
Adding color to the walls
While simultaneously tearing pieces of paint away
I promise I don't mind
Ill get to sleep eventually
With the same fear and excitement
That I have nearly every night
The fear and excitement
That I'll see you in my dreams again
I wonder if you feel the same
I wonder how long things will be this way
My eyes will open eventually
And when they do
They will be alone again

I am not your silver medal
I am not a runner up to him
Don't call me because you're lonely
I am facing this alone too
And nothing you say
Is going to make me feel like anything less
Than your conciliation prize
Because another girl won his heart
And I am still available
This is not a race
It is a fight
But no one wins
When punches are exchanged
Still, the conflict continues
Bobbing and weaving
Avoiding the obvious
Clinging to each other
Reaching for that title
My heart is a heavyweight
But no gleaming belt you promise
Can support that
Let's drop the gloves
I deserve to be put first
And so do you

If I was in a better place
Maybe things would have worked out