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Fiona Jul 1
I'm losing my mind
It's slipping away
A tumour now lies
Where the matter was grey

There's a pain in my head
Where the invader has parked
And I ask myself daily
Was my card always marked?

Things could have been different
Had I known this before
But I can't dwell on that
When I'm close to the door

This is my fate
And really, I'm OK
I found out too late
And it won't go away

It's now matter over mind
As sharpness declines
And tumour cells bind
Replacing memories and thoughts

It's funny when I think
That I grew from a cell
And so did this thing
That's been causing me hell

I think back to that first scan
The contrast MRI
As the clock hands now slide
Towards the time that I die

I remember the shape
How it looked out of place
And I knew straight away
I was out of the race
Fiona May 10
I’m a drug addict
There, I said it
Finger hovering over self destruct
Blinkered to consequence

I’m functional
There’s no doubt
Corporate suit and teeth like pearls
Wolf in sheep’s clothes

I hide it
Course I do
My own flesh and blood don’t know me
Any obituary will be inaccurate

I have a problem
I’ll lay my cards on the table for you
Unsolicited advice welcome
Whatever helps

Here goes...

I’m addicted to food
It alters my mood
For me it ain’t fuel
I feel like a fool
People say diet
I wish they’d be quiet
I’m so sick of trying
I’m so tired of lying
I’m hooked
I’m ******

I’m a ******
Socially acceptable
But still
Fiona May 7
I'm a black belt binge eater
Undefeated diet cheater

In the fridge night and day
Doing what my tastebuds say

Racking the calories up like a boss
Teeth so busy got no time to floss

Fridge light on, fridge light off
Attracted like a dancing moth
Fiona Apr 24
I need a dopamine hit
to remind me I’m the ****

I need that serotonin flow
when I’m lonely and low

I need an oxytocin touch
when life gets too much

I need a sweet endorphin
to numb me like morphine

When my disordered brain
causes chemical pain
Fiona Feb 28
Washed up like a snack bag
The tide betrayed you

Your glassy film wobbles
A poached egg under-cooked

Mostly the water's kind
But sometimes you're left behind

And with no brain to steer
You're at its mercy

My dear
Fiona Jan 30
I can’t enjoy the moment
I’m thinking of the next
My mind wanders, a balloon slipping from grasp

I can’t enjoy the moment
I’m already saying goodbye
Watching you depart, wheels leaving the runway

I can’t enjoy the moment
The future sits on my chest
A crouched Sumo
Fiona Jan 30
Take me to my childhood room
Where cramped shelves ache with memories
And dog-eared photos curl at corners

Surround me with stories read
With games lost and won
Toys adored and neglected

Let me hold that old dress to my chest
And feel my heart beat for another time
When hope still spurred me

Wait whilst I sail on the scent of old perfume
My creaking mattress a sturdy raft
That teddy bear lampshade a lighthouse

Guiding me back to something
SOMETHING
That I can’t put my finger on
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