A.D.D  ////  attention deficit disorder Living with attention deficit disorder
My brain is constantly going and i cannot focus. Normal people can block all this mess out but with me the music and whispers is too much, i become overwhelmed. Today i decided i wanted to break stuff and throw stuff and hurt everything near me, instead i sat here crying in the library. Complaining that i’m tired of being stupid. I know i’m not stupid but i hate my brain, i hate that i can’t focus i hate that my life is at a constant fight with my thoughts.
My a.d.d. Brings on bouts of depression and sprouts my self hatred. I have these unrealistic goals and expectations and i know that i’m not always going to be able to make a one hundred on every paper and every test but still, it burns my brain with anger at myself.

Opening Up About Depression

When you finally tell someone
You hate yourself
They don’t understand
I’m sorry they’ll say

While reaching for your hand
It’s kind of like being in a heavy metal band
Something is constantly screaming at you
Telling you, you’re better off dead

When you’re all there
You know you’re okay
Everything is alright
It’s not the end

But on those days
When you’re simply
Gone
You think people would carry on

Unwanted hands
They find me
Nothing can stop them
They break me
Touch me

Unwanted hands
They’re everywhere
Sliding and gliding
In every place
Especially the unwanted places

Unwanted hands
Tearing me apart
Pulling at my hair
Smiling in my face
While i cry

Unwanted hands
I wish they were gone
They are full of harm
Yet, they keep going
Keep pushing on

Unwanted hands
Screaming at me
You’re worthless
Stupid
Ugly

Unwanted hands
Breaking me
Hurting me
Scaring me
Loving me

Unwanted hands
Saying all those things
Yet they still find their way
To all the secret places
Places that have not yet been discovered

Unwanted hands
They took over
They stole me
Changed me
Made me

Unwanted hands
Around my neck
Gripping tight
Strangling
Red marks

Unwanted hands
Unwanted hands
Unwanted hands

My face is red like the velvet cake we ate on our first date
My heart is pounding in and out of my chest
Just as the floor was pounding at our first concert
My mind is glitching as though I was back to that night
The night we tripped
The overwhelming sensation of life at my fingertips
Has taken over me
The track marks on his vein didn't change who he was
The velvet stains just like that cake only changed one thing
What changed was our being
Our being together
Our being apart
It all seemed the same
When we're together neither of us are there
When we're apart we're together
At heart
Everyone says distance makes the heart grow fonder
The distance out between us formed a troubling path way to the near future
Where my life is no longer in my hands but more or less at the end
Now my neck is covered in velvet cake
Hand prints of the past
Cover my body as though I can't rid them
As if I took a bath in the problems I cannot face
My very own velvet cake