I still sing aloud in my car
Loudly and out of tone, I sing to my favorite rock songs with wild abandon
and when my friends ask me if I'm over you
I say yes.
I'm not
When my mother asks me why my eyes are red
I say my allergies are flaring up.
I lie.
because every bit of oxygen I inhale is consumed with you
but I still sing
so theres hope.

I asked myself today, who am I.
“Who am I?”
“Who am I…”
A question that demands attention and continually forces a new, more thoughtful, more concise, more self-aware answer, over, and over, and over again.
The question we revisit so long as we continue to exist; so long as we continue to progress, and even digress.  
So I ask myself today as I am moving into new and uncharted waters,
“Who am I?”
Despite my best attempts, such a dynamic part of MY answer lies with YOU.
Today, as it stands, I am a woman who does not truly have her father.
I am a woman who faces the treacheries of this world, with very minimal help and love from her father.
A woman who rejoices in the beauty and awesomeness of this universe without being able to fully share that with her father.  
I am navigating this life with out your guidance, nor your wisdom.
But, I am healthy and growing and beautiful and passionate and smart, and most importantly, I am happy.
I am happy, despite you.
And that saddens me.
Today, as it stands, you are alive and well, so this should sadden you too.
Because when you face your question “who am I?”
Your answer should have me in it. Your answer should contain me so completely that you simply cannot separate our two identities.
You should be able to truthfully admit to yourself that a part of who you are,
A part of your answer to one of life’s most important and unavoidable questions is that you are MY father… MY dad.
As long as you are not able to truly admit this to yourself,
It should sadden you too.

I read a significant amount of poetry each day.

It does not matter if their telling a story, sharing their story or that of a friend.

I don't care if their completely ******* in their feelings... I get it!

It does not matter if their on earth, another planet or in the skies....

We can be some where and everywhere at the same time.

and

I don't care if their
off the wall,
completely insane,
love stricken,
obsessed in love,
obsessed in hate,
belligerent,
spiritual or sane.


Understand

Most of us, is one, if not all of these things.

I praise the creative minds who is able to bare what infects their souls to a world of judges, strangers and on lookers.


~Butterfly εїз

We consumed an entire bottle of cheap *****.
I wore that perfume you adore.
We laughed like children the whole way into town
stopping,
to kiss,
every few seconds.
Because maybe,
just maybe, lust is
temporary obsession.
That frantic need to close the gaps between two bodies
like all you are
will break and burst
if you don't touch.
that night you tattoo'd my name across your chest,
the same color as your skin.
we awoke mid day, deathly hungover with no recollection of the previous nights festivities.
And In the end,
I lost the city,
the restaurants we found together,
the friends we made... you kept.  
I got the dog,
she never loved you quite as much as me anyway.
And now, its summer, as you lay on the caramel sand along side your new girlfriend,
the sun slowly and adamantly browning your body,
my name appears
ever so subtly.
I always had a way of sneaking back into your soul,
never letting you escape my perfectly beautiful grasp.
as though your veins have a mind of their own.
As though your body refuses to believe that I am no longer running through you.

Words can not be fixed to detail the magnitude of this feeling.
Euphoria never could be contained in something as small as a sentence anyway.
and so...
I only whisper your name in the dusk.
because some thing's are to be loved in the shadows.
For it is only through darkness we can preserve this,
hidden,
somewhere deep
where the world can't hear us.