you are one good thing,
in much that is bleak
but your made up of,
many good things,
like your laugh,
a special treat

i say this because,
it hardly comes around
i wish i could invite it to dinner,
and take it out to town

because when your goofy grin,
appears right out of thin air,
i think just for a second,
i might be good enough,
to dare

to love you,
and care for,
every good thing that you are,
and tell you how much i wish,
i could compete,

because all my good things,
have been previously scared

fallen from the path
you forced me to land on
i stand here at a crossroads
two roads diverge
your favourite poem
and i don't choose
the one less travelled
i choose
to build my own

i am a shaper
i was moulded to be your everything
i was who you wanted
who you loved
by design
but that was never me
i was reading from a script
of what i thought was the truth
even if i did write it
in the end
i was the only lie present

there is no one to blame
but the insecure girl
held by promises and lies
who took what you said
and made it seem like it mattered
but matter is relative in space and time
and i am something much more
than i had ever even thought
or dreamed

today i'm still an insecure girl
but i'm held
together
only
by myself

i'm sorry
read in the most hollow voice
i'm used to people misusing its choice
is it a choice?
no?
am i wrong?
to think the person you are is gone
because what's an apology without no fear?
to admit your wrong, your at fault
your unclear

i'm stupid
we say to ourselves at night
looking back on a fight
saying maybe i could have handled this better
or maybe i should have wrote you a letter
tell me does it matter now?
looking behind what's already sound
"the pasts in the past"
that's what my mother says
laura you can't change it
if you did
you'd be dead

i'm misunderstood
said the girl in scarlet letters
how can anyone know who you are
it's just feathers
things that float in the air
eventually to be caught
how can anyone know
what they never even sought

i'm in love
we say when we finally learn the feeling
we share it with friends, family, when we're dreaming
it can be anything it wants
in any form it can
a chocolate box, some flowers
when he finally says "i can"
cause some need to overcome things
others need to listen
to their heart because sometimes

the beating of a feeling
needs to learn
to glisten

walking across my neighbours lawn
creates a deja vu
sometimes the moments i've lived
feel completely see through
i always make the same mistakes
and sometimes there's regrets
but the only thing i can remember is
how my mind felt complete unrest
during those times you played your mind games
the ones that left me bare
cold to the core at a single moment
telling myself i shouldn't care
it left a couple marks on me
at the time i felt completely used
but now i'm trying to move on
across a lawn
covered in all the memories you put me through

this familiar feeling
one i tried to forget to have
always seems to linger
in the nights where i learn to laugh
about how my brothers upstairs
playing video games quietly in his room
do you think he can hear us kissing?
i'm not sure, but i'm in tune
to the way you respond to my touch
or the way you shut your eyes
when you listen to me whisper
another stream of rhymes
ones that are held in conversation
or maybe in your arms
i'll take you anyway i can
just please don't leave a scar

my whole life has been a loss for words
because how do you explain a feeling
no one has ever felt
how do you explain a feeling
that no words were invented for

i'll start with a metaphor
and end with a sigh
because most minds can't fathom the race
my mind makes these games
i never get time to read the rules for
or were there any to begin with?

i get tired after a couple of laps
my mind begs for forgiveness
for a break and a breathe
but i never seem to get one
i'm all too busy trying to get
everything else entirely