i'm sorry
read in the most hollow voice
i'm used to people misusing its choice
is it a choice?
no?
am i wrong?
to think the person you are is gone
because what's an apology without no fear?
to admit your wrong, your at fault
your unclear

i'm stupid
we say to ourselves at night
looking back on a fight
saying maybe i could have handled this better
or maybe i should have wrote you a letter
tell me does it matter now?
looking behind what's already sound
"the pasts in the past"
that's what my mother says
laura you can't change it
if you did
you'd be dead

i'm misunderstood
said the girl in scarlet letters
how can anyone know who you are
it's just feathers
things that float in the air
eventually to be caught
how can anyone know
what they never even sought

i'm in love
we say when we finally learn the feeling
we share it with friends, family, when we're dreaming
it can be anything it wants
in any form it can
a chocolate box, some flowers
when he finally says "i can"
cause some need to overcome things
others need to listen
to their heart because sometimes

the beating of a feeling
needs to learn
to glisten

walking across my neighbours lawn
creates a deja vu
sometimes the moments i've lived
feel completely see through
i always make the same mistakes
and sometimes there's regrets
but the only thing i can remember is
how my mind felt complete unrest
during those times you played your mind games
the ones that left me bare
cold to the core at a single moment
telling myself i shouldn't care
it left a couple marks on me
at the time i felt completely used
but now i'm trying to move on
across a lawn
covered in all the memories you put me through

this familiar feeling
one i tried to forget to have
always seems to linger
in the nights where i learn to laugh
about how my brothers upstairs
playing video games quietly in his room
do you think he can hear us kissing?
i'm not sure, but i'm in tune
to the way you respond to my touch
or the way you shut your eyes
when you listen to me whisper
another stream of rhymes
ones that are held in conversation
or maybe in your arms
i'll take you anyway i can
just please don't leave a scar

my whole life has been a loss for words
because how do you explain a feeling
no one has ever felt
how do you explain a feeling
that no words were invented for

i'll start with a metaphor
and end with a sigh
because most minds can't fathom the race
my mind makes these games
i never get time to read the rules for
or were there any to begin with?

i get tired after a couple of laps
my mind begs for forgiveness
for a break and a breathe
but i never seem to get one
i'm all too busy trying to get
everything else entirely

the water in the shower was hotter than july
and i can't remember when my head hit the side of the porcelain tub
but it did it painlessly

when i fell and started to cry
i couldn't tell the difference between the ground
or the pure white floor
everything seemed to twist and turn into a dark bruised mess

i sat there naked and vulnerable for hours at a time
wondering when the next wave would crash
hoping this time the tide wouldn't pull me in so far
but it did

an hour or so later
when my dad asked me why i'd been in the bathroom so long
i told him i was cleaning the tub
but he knew that wasn't true

he knew what a tub was for
afterall,
i went to clean myself

who
are you with tonight?
tracing her fingers along your spine,
finding paths you took to nowhere,
crossing edges, my territory.

what
are you wearing tonight?
with your white boxers hanging off your hips,
at the bar with some college kids,
getting under someone, getting over me.

where
did you go after this?
taking the path less traveled kid?
did you look back and wonder,
or did you just let our bygones live.

when
will i see you next?
what can i expect? should i want to?
i've been looking at bottoms of bottles,
did you put me on the shelf for later too?

why
did you give it less thought?
did the repercussions hurt a lot?
am i the only one that ever cares?
are these too many questions?