Jaded soul

Your  compassion, your soul ,your kindness

written in words with such finesse

The words that you wrote for me to commemorate

All so powerful and strong

Although you said you could not, your words made me feel as if you could relate

Giving me so many reasons as to where I belong

My pain and suffering all present,past,and future taken away for moments in your words that were timeless.

I left him for you,the one I came back too.
I left you in hope for my return and be with you is what i yearn.
I left and you couldnt handle it ,hurting me in every bit
You left me to wait for me to arrive but what happened left the relationship unable to revive.
You left me  to express my thoughts that has brought my heart to knots
You left me and still try to be kind I lost the hope of true love I believed with you I would find
I left you because I don't come back to my past the pain would always last
You left me with  lost trust making me feel like something you only lust
We left each other with no abilty to return to one another

I spent three hours crying
I felt like I was dying
Simply because I couldn't be with you
Staying at home alone nothing to do
If I said I am fine I would be lying
Because when I am with you I am flying

He loves me
He likes me
I love him
He loves me not
He wants me as his wife
He's sweet
He is  meant to be in my life
Planning with him is a feat
He doesn't say never
I want to be with him forever
I have to be with him
I don't mind being with him
I need to be with him

Flash on
Skin out in the open. Bare.
Flash out
I can only feel for it is to dark to see.
Flash on
I stare at my skin. The slice so deep it would need serious care.
Flash Out
I feel the emotional pain bleeding out from me.
Flash on
My skin mixed in colors between dark red and lightly fair.
Flash out
I just want to sit in the darkness and be
Flash on
Reality comes back. Lights turn on with a painful glare.
Flash out
I'm back. In the darkness where I feel damage free.

I lay in my bed. Eyes thought to be open but not. I check the clock. It is 3:05 A.m. it is late. Maybe it won’t happen tonight. I close my eyes and leave myself to try and sleep happy thoughts. Then I hear a clang. I check the clock 3:09 A.M.  9 minutes late. I hear another thump and then a bang. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope that I don’t see anything but I do.
          
     A little girl’s eyes pure white with no pupils representing innocence. . Her outfit like any other little girls. Full of miss matched clothing and two sparkly bobby pins attaching a beret off of her dangling head. Her mouth holds no evidence of emotion for the rest of her pale face. All you can see is purity, and feel a hint of revenge. She walks closer to my face in the best way possible after having been pushed off a cliff and breaking several bones.  I scoot back to avoid her. No use she get closer than ever. Her mouth opens as if she is going to say something. But not teeth and a tongue make it difficult to get anything out. Then she lets out a loud high screech that echoes off the walls of the currently black room. The screech is uncomprehending but for some reason you just know she is saying that she will get her revenge. Frightened I do what I know to do every night I open my eyes to come back to reality and hide from tomorrow night when I will be once again haunted by this memory.

I research a word that is a huge part of me yet so vague. I look up the word at least once a day but every time I see it my mind just drifts away. I have enough knowledge to know what is going on with me but not enough sense of self to make me see. I read every book,I browse the internet. I go everywhere possible to look,
all for this word of torment. The word I look up and know so well is the same word that made my life a living hell.

~To Awake to sleep~

I
         Am
               Falling
                             Asleep
I
         Don’t
                  Think
I
         Will
                     Wake
                                                         Up

I
                                Am
                                                  Falling
                                                         Into
        A
                    Coma
                                        So
                                                       Deep
No
                                One
                                         Can
INTERRUPT
               Let
                       The
                                 Tears
                                    Weep
W
    I
T
     H
E
   V
E
    R
Y

G
    A
P
   I
N
   G

CUT