I see you in the distance
My star

I’m here too
Never touching
But constant

You’re not alone
And I don’t feel alone
Knowing you’re there

So bright
So beautiful
We are part of the same
Constellation
For millions of years to come

Come closer to me...

            *
          

Casually reminded
Your golden kissed skin
Lovely houses
With greenery

That we truly own nothing
In this world
Nor do I want to

Just passing through
Just passing through
From this life
To the next

Took the
PAST
&
PRESENT
doused it
All of it
Stood back
Two steps
Three
Dropped match
Turned around
Walked away

Closed eyes
Could feel the burn against
My back
Then a hand
Your hand
Walked me through
The Darkness
Of
The
FUTURE

Years from now you’re either going to be considered one
Of the many jesters & fools
In her life or her
King

It’s up to you to decide

And if it’s already been
Years
I salute you
Your Highness

Stone cutters cut slabs
For the Masons to form
Architects to derelicts
Home builders
Bricklayers
All play their parts
Building foundations

Singers & songwriters
Performing arts
Dancers
In moonlight

Preachers & Priests
Convents
With sisters
Pray over
The revolutions
Started by poets

What if we don’t get up from the bed today?
Don’t call in sick
Don’t go to class
Don’t notify anybody
Who would come for us?
Would there be any concern
For days?
Hopped out of the fray
Swam to shore
Out of this
Raging River
After a week
Your employer
Your mom or dad or siblings
Would be asking if everything
Is ok
Then the bill collector
Power company
Mortgage company
After a month
You just simply decided to leave
Without telling anyone
What freedom did you achieve?
We weren’t programmed for this
To work 12-14 hour days
To die tired
&
Yet we do it everyday

Hitting snooze 5 times this morning is my only victory

And if I had one day
That would be okay
With you
I
Would just ask
For the sun to never set
Nor the moon to never rise
&
Just get lost in eternal seconds
Press against your immortal skin
&
Get back all the time
Lost between us

She was the only one amongst the many that called me friend
Upon my exile
My going away
And shutting it all down
To be alone
The only one
Who found me
And asked
‘Are you okay?’

I brought one sandbag with me
To stop the inevitable
Flood
of you
When you come back

Maybe
Once again
You’ll hear my familiar
Bell
Ringing
Portside
213am
Calm waters
Black
Lifeless
Ragged
Torn
Flag
Listing to one
Side
Passing
You
Once
More
In the night...

The truth is out there
Always has been...
Always will be...
Sometimes the truth
Is hidden in the seas
Mired in the dense forest
Asleep in deserts
..........
And sometimes the truth
Is in a campfire cup of coffee,
A sky full of stars,
And no cell phone service for
2 to 3 days...

Tonight
When you come to me
In my dreams
And you hold onto me
Tight

................stay...............
All thru the
Night

Went back after a 6 month exile
Told everyone that I had
$8.76 to make it to next payday
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Guess i was a little too real

‘YOU don’t have a SnapChat?’
I was asked
‘It’s how us young folk stay connected’
‘You mean disconnected  ?’
I say

Tattooed *** women
With pouty lips
2.2 million Instagram
Followers

Followers of what?

This is the social currency
This is society
&
When you leave
Nobody checks up on you
Nobody cares
They
Certainly don’t give a ****
That I have $8.76
To my name

‘Bring it in for a Selfie fam...’

And I remember pitching in for a 12 pack as a 17 year old
Meeting up with friends
On some country road
For hours on end
&
The only phones were on
Our wall back home
And when it rang
We had no idea who it was

My river was black
Before she swam in it
Drowning in me
Without asking to be saved

Now my waters have reached
The seas
As she courses
Through my veins

Somewhere
Underneath the twisted metal
Strewn Wreckage
Smell of fuel
Patches of fire

Somewhere

This rotting blue green corpse

Hidden by decaying leaves
Clumps Of earth
Never to be found

Somewhere
Underneath the rubble of
Concrete
Protruding iron wires
Pummeled
****** & Bruised

Somewhere
Floating on the deepest
Part of the ocean
The bloated
Face down
Pelicans pecking

Somewhere
Somehow
Someway

You found me

Those ghosts hiding in your heart
Will soon take form not only in your mind
But you’ll see them in the day
Corners of your eye
First thing in the morning
Last thing at night
Specters
Phantoms
Shadows
You’ll be the only one
That sees them
I hope you rid yourself of them
Soon
Just let me haunt you one more
Night
To say goodbye to your body
Goodbye
To your soul

Back in those days
All we had to do was
Scrape together $46
For a Friday night room
Two combo meals
A joint
&
A 12 pack of some ****** beer
$46
Got me a hand to hold
A naked body to lay next to
And try to decipher what
She’d say in her sleep
Sometimes she would laugh
Sometimes she would cry
Sometimes she slept all
Through the night
$46
To watch her **** silhouette
Against the window
To have a cigarette
$46
To get to say
‘I love you’
And
Hear it back
And sometimes we’d laugh
And sometimes we’d cry
And sometimes we’d fall asleep
In each other’s arms
All through the night
All for
$46

I felt like a millionaire
Back then
Love was simple

The summer of
1995

Yesterday stuck in traffic
45 minutes to go 5 miles
Coffin on wheels

When a 1987 Suzuki Samurai
Pulled up alongside
And I recognized myself
Surf shirt
Cargo shorts
Fresh from 1994

Probably headed to some ****
Job for weekend beer money
Young
Vibrant
Purpose
Future unknown

Then he turned and looked at me
Eyes without a hint of fear and said
‘I’m going on..I’ll see ya’
And I couldn’t even muster a
‘Take me with you...’

The most beautiful compliment
I’ve ever received
Was when she showed me
My words
Tattooed
Upon a body that I no longer
Called home

Plainly...as best as I can remember
My grandmother
With her grandmother hands
Her grandmother
Way
.....
As we walked
So young as I was
Trailing behind
Mid afternoon sun
Up in the sky
So bright
So yellow
.....
Then without a cloud in the sky
It began to rain
Small drops
Big drops
Little drops
,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,
....
..
.
Then none

grandma why did it rain without clouds?

Grandmother stopped her walk
Turned around and looked down

because the sun can be sad too

The sun can be sad too

It’s said that the further you go
Out into space
Time slows down
Everyone back home
Will age
But you’ll stay the same

One of us will become a phantom
While you’re gone
So be safe out there
In all that black
Currently orbiting Tethys
One of Saturn’s moons

I don’t care if you ever come back
I hope you never come back

Goodbye Tethys Moon

At 1st Glance of Her
I heard my father’s voice
From when I was a boy

Don't start a fire you don’t know how to put out

At 2nd Glance of Her
She pierced my heart & soul
With a forlorn smile
&
I knew my ship would
Go down in flames sometime
In the middle of the night

But I didn’t care

My heart bleeds for you
Part anguish...
Part anticipation...
All with the recklessness
Of an 18 year old
Driving a Chevy
Down a dirt road
At midnight
With the lights off...

Bed with me oh heart
Torture me
Lacerate
Invigorate
Rejuvenate
Penetrate
Leave scars upon

And this
Taj Mahal
I am building
This armada I’m sending
This fleet of elephants
Over the Alps
I’m releasing for
You

Is but the 1st chapter
Of our love story

I’m sorry my mind and soul
Changed the locks on my heart

You left me and my world
When I needed you most

And now you ask
‘Is everything ok?’

That answer is in a bottle
Somewhere out there
On the seas
All the requisites
All the ‘I Love Yous’
You said to me

They’re in that bottle
About to wash up
Near the Azores

Bring me the bottle
And we can talk

I need you
* I wish you were here
I miss you
Can you hear me
Where did you go, my love

One used to smoke and cried at least once or twice a month during our *******...
One used to write sticky notes on the fridge for me to find later on in the day...
One had a musk to her, snored when she slept on her side and sometimes asked for gas money...
One snorted if something made her laugh and asked if I could bring an orange soda home for her...
One hated having her feet touched...ever
One talked in her sleep...in Spanish
One loved everything turtles and only came once in the 100 times we did it...
One is rotting in a grave across town...having been gone now for 17 years...
One always interrupted my shower by thinking all men love it when you interrupt their shower, then turning the water to scalding...
One...I didn’t know her name and she didn’t know mine, but when I headed to the door to leave for my cab, she said ‘wait...I’ll get a pen, give me your name and number’ I told her I’d wait, she went into the kitchen and I left before she came back...
One...just wanted to be held. I held her for 4 months
One...had my name tattooed on her side. I told her I loved her, even though I didn’t...
One...I’ve never met but I dream of her constantly
One...Two...Three
Over time
The Bodies
Begin to pile up

If all you give to love
Is a body

Don’t be surprised
If your Other
Goes in search
Of the missing parts
That you can’t give

I like to send pings out into
The galaxy
Dressed as poems...

...hoping you’ll come back with them

She has a past that your mind will not wrap itself around fully
Her past will tell that little man
Inside your head lies
You know him
He’s the jealous one
The sleep on the couch man
The never returns texts
Or phone calls little voice
Little man

Ask yourself this little man
Inside my head
How much have you lost
Because of your rage
Your jealousy
Stupid accusations
&
Yet she stays
Her with her passion
Her glorious past
That she’s gotten over

Why haven’t you?

I gave up smoking the day I found out my wife was pregnant with our first child

that VERY day

My father smoked at the dinner table, in the car, all around us

ALL the time

I’ve never been drunk around my children...EVER

I’ve had no more than 2-3 drinks, telling them the virtues of wine

My father, if he came home with a beer in his hand on Friday afternoon, we knew we were in for it until Sunday night.

beatings, going in to get him at 2am in seedy bars, pulling him off of my mother

I always tell my kids I love them. Everyday. Email. Text. Phone calls. Holding them close to me. Smelling their hair and holding onto them is my favorite place in the whole world.

daddy are you my best buddy?
’always and forever, your best buddy’

The last time I heard my dad say I love you where I think he actually meant it was Christmas 1979, 39 years ago. Unless showing up for little league games stone drunk & belligerent towards my coaches is love. Or never showing up at all on afternoons he said he would to go play golf with me...just me. No call. No show.

father...you used to be my daddy. Remember? I thought you were the strongest man in the world. You had the biggest hands. Mine were so small in yours

We don’t suffer anymore at the hands of our fathers

Do we daddy?

I’m beginning to fall more & more
In love
With this world
Only
Because you’re in it...

On some days it won’t
Need tending to
We can watch the smoke
Billow & Reach
To the sky
Embers mixed with night

Other days it’ll be at the end
Of our wick
And it’ll seem like it’s dying
Just a whisper of light
We won’t like those days
But we’ll get through them
We always do

And some days will have
Blindness
Darkness
And we’ll need to feel it
Each other
Closer
‘Come warm yourself...’

But the best days
Will be when it seems
Like the world is alight
By our love
&
I’ll kiss every inch of your
Cindered
Skin
Wanting to be burnt
Alongside you

And hell won’t be of any surprise
Because I’d have been
With you...

You make every day feel like
The First Warm Day of
Kindergarten

Swinging on the swings
With your pigtails
&
Me so shy with my big bangs
&
Corduroy pants
&
I steal a quarter in my mamas
Purse
So I can buy you a chocolate milk
&
You hold my hand
So close to me
&
Some of my old lovers might
Read this
&
Think
‘Oh he’s talking about me...’
No
She knows who she is
She’s
The one with the chocolate milk
In her hand
&
My love in her
Heart