Coffee in the morning...
Tea at midday...
Wine at night...

Your words on my desk...
Dinner in the oven...
Violins background...

Midnight strolls...
Hand in mine...
Windows open...

Candles burning on windowsill...
Redcoat next to the bed...
Blankets everywhere...

Coffee in the morning...
Breakfast in bed...
Your leg draped over mine...
Wine at 10am...

I’m really not that hard to figure out

I threw away all of your stuff...
Your good luck charms
The things you made for me
That souvenir that reminded you
Of me you told me to hold dear...
All of it..
Gone
.
And yet I still wake up
Smelling your smoky hair mixed with
That perfume you only
Wore for me
.
The feel of your touch
Close at hand
Like a ghost that only haunts
At 430am
When I’d knock on your door
.
You...I could never
Throw away...

Vanity and innocence of heart
Says ‘Take a chance on me...’
Middle age says ‘Move along, save yourself’
For you already know
You’re not worth the pain you’ll
Inflict
The lives you’ll ruin
The love you cannot give back
For they’ve already come and gone
Years before...

At least you have the decency
For that...

I know it’s late..:
I m sorry I woke you.. . ..
I just wanted to tell you..   ....
Your hand touches the space next to you...
‘Shut up and hold me...’
you say
And I feel your warmth ...   ......
All of the above
Put your hair behind your ear
whispers
i want to tell you everything

You turn around and kiss my forehead...  ......  ... .      .....
you already have
you already have
stay with me
*stay with me....I want to show you forever

Guess I wasn’t supposed to have an outlet
To write…
No where to light a fire once the lust for words
Compelled..
Not even a walk into the prison courtyard
Without being asked
‘Who is this? Who is she?’
Caged butterfly of insecurities
Drunk tigers what we became
Now we’re just deleted pictures
With nothing to show
Like we never existed
And all of our memories are 4 layers down
At the landfill
Where they belong….

We suffer alone in silence
Because we think that’s how
We’re supposed to heal…

Then destroy the first person
Who comes along
That wants to love us
In all our brokenness

You can never pick back up
Where you left off
Even if you both believe it
Even if you both want it
More than anything
.
Too many days and nights
Have passed
Too much hurt that cannot be
Bandaged
Those open wounds
Become but a bookmark
In your soul
.
Just watch that ship
Go by you in the night
There’s no one at the helm
Anyway…

While poets faced firing squads...
Cowards lived well past 100 years old...

‘Do you listen to music when you write?’

Duke Ellington ‘In a Sentimental Mood’ is a fave. Sets tone. Brings mood. Love some John Coltrane intermittent weaving throughout. That sax is like rain on Mars.

Miles Davis ‘Flamenco Sketches’
But what about Blue in Green? I like it but Flamenco sets the table. Give me Cafe Bustelo, French Vanilla, and this one and I’ll write your will out for you where everyone cries...

Moby ‘God Moving Over the Face of Water’ Deep, penetrative thoughts conquer over this. The piano makes me fly, brings me back down and sets me like a feather.

My Morning Jacket ‘Only Memories Remain’ Wrote a whole book to this. The Wurlitzer and then the guitar solo at the end is stupefying to me.
And how do I feel when I listen to these pieces?
What I see is what I write down:
My Father’s Hands
My Mother’s *******
Footprints in the snow
Bruises upon my soul
Forests on fire
Sunsets on Mars
Her naked woman curves
Highways into the night
Lava flows
***** feet
My daughter being born
Sunrise coming up from an ocean
Moss growing over everything
Brownstones in Greenwich Village
Empty wine bottles

The music helps
Amplifies
Energizes

What music do you listen to when you write?

She got herself a cat
And moved on with her life…

How disconcerting is it
To go to a therapist
Knowing something is wrong
Spilling it all out
Confession after confession
Guilt, agony, sadness

Only to hear him say
‘You’re the sanest person I know…’

I’ve broken 4 shoelaces in my life
I’m getting on closer to 50 now
Than I’m closer to say 23…
.
I probably have 2 broken shoelaces left
In me…

Saw my 1st ghost at 5
My 1st crush at 10
Had my 1st kiss at 12
My 1st  ‘FIRST’ at 16
Saw my 1st dead body at 22
Waded in the Dead Sea at 23
Ate my 1st lobster tail at 24
Held my 1st born at 27
Nothing happened in my 30s
Walked away from inflicting pain
And being inflicted
By standing up for myself at 39
But 1,700 Miles Away
Is a 1st kiss I long to receive
So you can whisper
And clear my history
And we can make a longitude
Of firsts...our own

The cold hard truth of it is
You’ll be too much for someone
Too little for someone else
And the in between
You said goodbye to
Decades before
Without even knowing
The perfect one...

Just like we’ve passed
One perfect flower once in our lives
One perfect sunset
One perfect spring storm
One perfect meal
One perfect day
Where she held your hand
And told you she wanted this forever...

Nowadays your clock in your car
Is 9 minutes fast
And it’s the only thing you care about
The only thing you want to fix
But don’t know how...

I struck you sometime after midnight
Mid ship
Gashed
Your seas pouring into my cabin
Berths
Icy
Green
Fervent
To my neck
And I submit
Drowning with your lips upon mine
Till we hit the sea floor
Carpathian

Every time she laughs...
Her beautiful infectious laugh...

A black rose
Breaks through
Ice in Antarctica

It wouldn’t surprise me one bit...
If she walked back into my life...
But...
Not today
Nor tomorrow

But...10,20, 50 Years From Now

She’d want to pick up where
We left off...
Tell our stories of where we’ve been...what we’ve been up to
And she’d know our time apart
Was torture upon my soul...
‘But none of that matters now...’
She’d say

And today
If she saw me
Walking across Antarctica
She’d just keep going
Maybe she’d look back
But I doubt it...

But...10,20, 50 years from now
Who knows...

I wait
Watch
Mirror
You getting ready
Putting your pretty on
Hair
Purple lipstick
Dress
Sandals over tattooed feet
Ten
Twenty minutes
Waiting
Watching
what do you think?
No words
Walk over
Arm around waist
Dark clouds begin to form outside
Small of your back
Pull you closer to me
Breath on me
Your eyes are downward
Kiss you under your ear
Mixture of perfume & your hair
Lovely
Crackle from the SW
Day turns dark
Windows open
Lightning flashes across the room
Storm is here
Gentle drops at first
But it’s thick heavy drops
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,
,,,
Falling all about
Dress upon the floor
Hands upon hips
Teeth biting lips
And all that pretty
Over my body
Washing it away
***** & Clean
Springtime Thunderstorms

Sometime after 4am...
Her leg draped over mine
In the blue moonlight...
Candles out on the windowsill
I thought...
‘All that poetry was ******* worth it...’

Some acknowledge it better than most...
The halfway point of your life
For some...
Achy bones
Tiredness
Memories
The fact they can remember 1978
Some will see their aging faces
Wrinkles in their hands
Some will hold onto their youth
Like a match light...holding onto it
Desperately...in their own futility

For some it’ll happen on a beautiful dawn
Tell themselves
‘It’s ok. I’ve made it this far’
Continue their journey

And some will watch their Youthful Ship
Pass the beaten wooden pirate
Frigate
Sometime during the night