I remember slipping on the side Of the pool Phoenix Arizona Motel Drowning In the care of my dad ...................................... I see him jumping in after me He was in his early 30s then Sipping Coors Poolside Not watching me ....................................... It’s ok He jumped in after me The water was hot as it came out Of my lungs ********* I don’t remember my dad Being brave after that Maybe it was the only time he was Pulling his 4 year old son From the water On a hot Arizona summer day At a motor inn ################### I wonder if he went back to Sipping Coors After that traumatic event I know I would have
I see something she’d like And it’s the day before St Patrick’s Day
And I tell her ‘We should give gifts for St. Paddy’s Day, start a tradition.’
She says sure Then I elaborate ‘We talk all day in Irish accents ‘Give ourselves Irish names ‘And at 6pm we drink green beer ‘Take shots of Jameson ‘And give each other our gifts
She seems excited ‘Ok Shaughnessy how much ‘Money is in the account?
I check $19.67 to make it to Wednesday & I check The cabinet There’s old margarita mix And potatoes
‘I guess we can talk in Irish accents tomorrow while I make Potato soup with our margaritas Maria...’
What if we don’t get up from the bed today? Don’t call in sick Don’t go to class Don’t notify anybody Who would come for us? Would there be any concern For days? Hopped out of the fray Swam to shore Out of this Raging River After a week Your employer Your mom or dad or siblings Would be asking if everything Is ok Then the bill collector Power company Mortgage company After a month You just simply decided to leave Without telling anyone What freedom did you achieve? We weren’t programmed for this To work 12-14 hour days To die tired & Yet we do it everyday
Hitting snooze 5 times this morning is my only victory
Vanity and innocence of heart Says ‘Take a chance on me...’ Middle age says ‘Move along, save yourself’ For you already know You’re not worth the pain you’ll Inflict The lives you’ll ruin The love you cannot give back For they’ve already come and gone Years before...
You can never pick back up Where you left off Even if you both believe it Even if you both want it More than anything . Too many days and nights Have passed Too much hurt that cannot be Bandaged Those open wounds Become but a bookmark In your soul . Just watch that ship Go by you in the night There’s no one at the helm Anyway…
Guess I wasn’t supposed to have an outlet To write… No where to light a fire once the lust for words Compelled.. Not even a walk into the prison courtyard Without being asked ‘Who is this? Who is she?’ Caged butterfly of insecurities Drunk tigers what we became Now we’re just deleted pictures With nothing to show Like we never existed And all of our memories are 4 layers down At the landfill Where they belong….
One used to smoke and cried at least once or twice a month during our *******... One used to write sticky notes on the fridge for me to find later on in the day... One had a musk to her, snored when she slept on her side and sometimes asked for gas money... One snorted if something made her laugh and asked if I could bring an orange soda home for her... One hated having her feet touched...ever One talked in her sleep...in Spanish One loved everything turtles and only came once in the 100 times we did it... One is rotting in a grave across town...having been gone now for 17 years... One always interrupted my shower by thinking all men love it when you interrupt their shower, then turning the water to scalding... One...I didn’t know her name and she didn’t know mine, but when I headed to the door to leave for my cab, she said ‘wait...I’ll get a pen, give me your name and number’ I told her I’d wait, she went into the kitchen and I left before she came back... One...just wanted to be held. I held her for 4 months One...had my name tattooed on her side. I told her I loved her, even though I didn’t... One...I’ve never met but I dream of her constantly One...Two...Three Over time The Bodies Begin to pile up
I know it’s late..: I m sorry I woke you.. . .. I just wanted to tell you.. .... Your hand touches the space next to you... ‘Shut up and hold me...’ you say And I feel your warmth ... ...... All of the above Put your hair behind your ear whispers i want to tell you everything
You turn around and kiss my forehead... ...... ... . ..... you already have you already have stay with me *stay with me....I want to show you forever
Your love was like freezing rain upon my branches...they’ll break soon under the weight of it...never to grow back...take me as I am...put me in your ground...blind me...for I just need to hear your heartbeat...let it sing me to sleep...invade my dreams there
The cold hard truth of it is You’ll be too much for someone Too little for someone else And the in between You said goodbye to Decades before Without even knowing The perfect one...
Just like we’ve passed One perfect flower once in our lives One perfect sunset One perfect spring storm One perfect meal One perfect day Where she held your hand And told you she wanted this forever...
Nowadays your clock in your car Is 9 minutes fast And it’s the only thing you care about The only thing you want to fix But don’t know how...
Saw my 1st ghost at 5 My 1st crush at 10 Had my 1st kiss at 12 My 1st ‘FIRST’ at 16 Saw my 1st dead body at 22 Waded in the Dead Sea at 23 Ate my 1st lobster tail at 24 Held my 1st born at 27 Nothing happened in my 30s Walked away from inflicting pain And being inflicted By standing up for myself at 39 But 1,700 Miles Away Is a 1st kiss I long to receive So you can whisper And clear my history And we can make a longitude Of firsts...our own
Put a flower in your pocket Wait For the sun to set Loosen the change Put a kite in the air Electric nomad Knife ****** into the chest Feel about Pull it out Cut the wires from it Blood everywhere Let it dry Pat it down Hours go by
It still beats Laden with scars Scratches Memories lost to rain If you look closely You’ll see your favorite Songs Impressioned upon it Your favorite words Tattooed upon it All of my Sentiments Written upon it All of your ‘Loves you...’ Forevered Upon it
Every man Every woman All Have that one that stepped Into our lives No matter how much wrong They tattooed upon Our hearts Their black rose Always pierces our Concrete Fights it’s way through We’ve cursed their Existence Their birth But we remember The day we met them The hour The minute The second How the sun looked & How they made us feel & How we hate the fact That we’d take them Back in an instant Our Black Rose Piercing Through Our Concrete
It was a lovely service And afterwards all her friends Got up and said something Even those **** Theron’s Twins Who could hardly finish because They were crying the whole time
Carly had left me two notes ‘One to read upon my death ‘One to read after everyone has spoken The first was ‘Eric, please don’t let sadness rule over my funeral, be the last to speak, and say something funny please, then open the last note.’
I did Told the crowd how we snuck into That one concert in Dallas With ***** in water bottles and how we ran the hallways Of our senior year I looked out at the crowd and Everyone stopped crying And laughed at the thought I opened the last note And you left us A $100 McDonalds Gift Card ‘Go eat burgers and fries!’ You said. And everyone started crying again Including those ****** Theron’s twins ‘We should donate it to her favorite charity...give it to the homeless...it’s not right ...’ they all said. Except I already had a #1 Supersized in my mind. With a Dr Pepper ‘Whydontwejustdowhatsheaskedustodo?’ AndwhenIgothome Icriedforanhourstraight Carly would’ve hated the Selfie Generation
In the game of love It isn’t who races the fastest To get to you who wins ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, But the one who stays While all the others Leave After the race Is over...
It wouldn’t surprise me one bit... If she walked back into my life... But... Not today Nor tomorrow
But...10,20, 50 Years From Now
She’d want to pick up where We left off... Tell our stories of where we’ve been...what we’ve been up to And she’d know our time apart Was torture upon my soul... ‘But none of that matters now...’ She’d say
And today If she saw me Walking across Antarctica She’d just keep going Maybe she’d look back But I doubt it...
What’s so intense is that 100 years From now Everyone you see today Will be dead
Hell You might meet someone today That’ll drive left of center A week from now While playing on their phone And die in a head-on crash Taking a number of souls With them ...it happens
For others It’ll take years Hatred Love Reconciliation Comebacks Loneliness Dying a thousand deaths Beating pavement Wishing Waiting Hoping
And in that last 5 minutes You’ll still stare at the doorway Wanting a miracle That’ll never come
It’s just death knocking At your door And your tired Worn out body Will finally answer it
We’re all going to die on this Earth Might live to 109 Or die this morning Headed to work Instantly No pain In your sleep Gunshot to stomach Pain for days Far corner of the world Or down the street from your childhood Doesn’t matter Still on this Earth Death will come for you Unless you’re an astronaut And you’re on a spacewalk Out there amongst the stars And your tether becomes tangled Then .... Snip Your line cuts. ...... ... ........ . ..... And you’re adrift Dead within 30 minutes No oxygen Out in space Drifting But at least you didn’t die on earth And they’ll break ground on a Primary school in your name The president will speak All while your skeleton In your spacesuit Floats past Mars...
I struck you sometime after midnight Mid ship Gashed Your seas pouring into my cabin Berths Icy Green Fervent To my neck And I submit Drowning with your lips upon mine Till we hit the sea floor Carpathian
We hadn’t spoken in a few days Made a meal & Out of the clear blue I said ‘I don’t want to do this ‘Anymore ‘I feel like I’m wasting my life
She dropped her fork On her plate & Put her head in her hands Silent Tears dropped and she looked Towards the window
‘Why do you say such things?
Tell her I’m sorry I’m the biggest **** Tell her it’s just that we haven’t Spoken in a few days
I console Kiss her cheek Kiss her hand Her tears stop ‘Can we go for a walk ‘That place with a bridge? Of course we can & We get a coffee Talk movies As we walk Hand in Hand & She still doesn’t realize I still Meant every **** Word I said That morning
She got up in the middle Of the night Looked over and saw him Content His phone buzzed She gazed at it ‘I miss how you made my body ‘Feel the other night ‘Can we again soon?’
For a moment she froze Broken Hurt But chose not to say Anything To him Because she had the same Secret Across town That she didn’t want to end
Heard them corralling the rabbit Chasing without mercy Communicating with woops & Hollers Their screeches Their bloodlust I kept quiet Tippy toes Opened the shade Circling poor Thumper Must’ve been 3 or 4 of them Open field Rabbit goes this way Darts that way Nowhere to go Nature Even coyotes have to go to The store every once in a while
When her manic met my manic It was like watching stars Being born in a nebula And oh my was I excited About the thought Of waiting a million years To watch their beauty unfold
It was a wonderful night Wine Popcorn Lovely walk Air filled with electricity And at midnight Still wide awake In our nakedness She parted my hair Told me she loved me Beyond all measures And asked me lovingly ‘Will you ever ask me? ‘To marry you? I Parted her hair and smiled And she looked so happy With her lovely curves Her taste on my lips And I brought her close After a split second of Thoughts The 4 marriages between us The nasty costly divorces Pain driven The Reap & the Sow And whispered ‘No...’
Because my memory is so good I can remember ages 3-4 Lying on my back in the grass Listening to the crickets The ants doing their thing The clouds and the moving Watercolor paintings Move across the sky
Welcome to Kindergarten Go here...go there Sit here...take this test Make good grades How was school today? You need to do better if you Want to get a good job Make a good living Schoolings over Work begins Get certified Train Come in early Go home late 4am mornings 7pm get homes 2 weeks of vacation a year Fill this out Put this in the mail Save for your retirement Eat better for a longer life Take a glimpse of that cloud Rolling by Rememberclouds?
‘You’re late...this Better never happen again or you’ll be looking for another job.’
Years pass much like those clouds
Retirement
‘What are you going to do with the rest of your life?’
‘I’m ready to die...I’m ready to be among the clouds.’
And just like that Your fire was raging through Uncontrollably so Every room in my soul Searching Taking Ravaging Only to find A charred heart That still beats for you...
I smelled it first early in the morning, Just waking up Filling my nostrils The smell of strawberries... Fresh, just beyond, unmistakable, Then again around noon on my hands... Brushed my hair back and once again Strawberries Filled the room... No lotions Candles Or even the fruit was around And I remembered someone I loved once Oh how she loved her strawberries ‘It’ll always remind me of you...’ . 10 at night Message came in from my sister ‘Did you hear about...’ ‘I’m so sorry...’ That someone who loved her strawberries Was gone The night before had taken her . Guess she wanted to be around me one last time...
Is to lose sight of you To say ‘I’m taking a break...I’ll be around though’ Then disappearing Going away Forgetting Then 10, 15, 20 years Down the road Seeing you and saying ‘Hey you...remember me?’
My dream last night My children 11 and 16 now In the dream my son Was 4 again And he was sobbing Uncontrollably Told him to catch his breath Kept ******* air Trying to explain Why he was wronged But only tears came out So I held him Close to my chest And he fit And it subsided And he just let it out Then the smell of them as babies Came upon me How they’d sleep on me My chest How I love being a dad They live with their mom a mile From me But it might as well be a Million And now I’m sobbing uncontrollably ******* air With no one to Tell me it’s going to Be ok... The sadness is so overwhelming this morning
Somewhere along the way Cobblestone paths Effervescent clouds Escape I was abandoned by the gods
I’ve looked 2 in the eye Said ‘I do’ Wanted to love them forever
One died young Forever 25 One gave me children I’d open the front door Those little feet running to me ‘Dad’s Home!’ ‘Dad’s Home!’ I miss those...taken from me All of it...
‘The baby is lost...’ Ingrained Insurmountable She blamed me In her hurt In her reasoning It was all my fault
I dream of it constant All that I’ve lost All that I’m cursed with In memories
One day I’ll walk right out of this place… Been saying it for years now This thing killing me daily 14 hour days Come in when it’s dark Leave as the sun goes down Business Industry Sales growth Horseshit Replaceable by the end of the day All of it
One day I’ll walk right out of this place… Not say anything to anyone Will it matter 50 years from now? It would in 50 minutes That which is my responsibility Alimony Support Medical Insurance Food on the table Fear Guess that’s why I clock in for death Daily And in 100 years I’ll have been a poet for just 30 seconds…
You could: Serenade her Lavish her with expensive wine Write her exquisite sonnets Carve your initials in that oak tree Feed her from white linen tables Drink from goblets Whisper your poems into her ear Bring her coffee with her creamer Pay her bills Write her a song Paint her a masterpiece in her honor Let her fall asleep in your arms Declare your undivided attention Vow your life for hers Give up all connections To the outside world Devout to her an undying Never ending Forever more World Of Love & She’ll still respond to that text In the middle of the night From the guy she said was just A friend Her backup fella
‘What’s up?’ ‘Nothing...whatsup with you?’ ‘You lookin fine...’ ‘LOL...thx.’
The loneliest spot on Earth Is sleeping next to a person You can’t fix No amount of encouragement No amount of post it notes Of ‘we can get help’ ‘I love you no matter what’ Can fix the unfixable Insecurities Secrets Lies Fake accounts The next time my heart aches For someone I’ll remember The screams of the unfixable And the loss of our dreams
For some dumb reason I ask her what she does for fun Wasn’t hitting on her but her eyes Widened and she smiled ‘I like to cook..’ Which is puzzling to me Cause I’m there everyday Almost And it made me wonder if She had a life It’s why I asked For the following days She asked me the same Flirty in a way ‘What do you like to do for fun?’ She asked ‘I like wine...’ ‘You drink alone?’ ‘When I want to be...’ And now it’s weird And she feels bad for the hours it Took for her to get ready And I’m gonna have to find Another place to get wine All because I just Wondered why the young lady At the wine shop Was always there...
Only when I’ve become destitute by my journey’s end Desert upon my bare feet Skin cracking Ran out of water Begun to drink the blood
Only when treacherous rainstorms Have pelted my crawl through the Night Leaving my feathers soaked
Only when the wilderness has Sunk it’s maze onto my soul No way out but in madness Curtail Dirt under my nails Moss across my body
Only when I’ve knelt upon Mother Earth In spiteful prayer Pitiful to the last
And you are no longer a dream But reality But am tired from the ages Will I ever demand Your wind Your touch Your fluorescent Luminescent Radiant Glorious Words
That you can now whisper To me As you lie next to I demand it