this beautiful wilderness
it will **** you
unflinching
wild waters raging higher in an instant
clouding your vision
til your gone
compost for those meadow flowers
no longer beautiful
unbeheld

summer descent
of a rocky lakeland path
astride a lively river,
   flowing low
with its winter underbelly exposed
tumbling down
meandering round
expansive sheets of smooth sun-dried stone,
which yearn for the touch of human skin.

cool, soda water pool,
memory of winter ice
tired feet, enveloped,
drink as they dangle in.

You live a different life to me.
You queue to cross a mountainous sea, under stars you struggle to believe in.

I roll out of a calm bed, hungry, and without a lifejacket, tipped over by turbulent thoughts.
The electric light illuminates my fridge (the stars are long forgotten)
and that hum keeps me from sleep.

Perhaps we can ally, you and I,
so you might make a midnight meal one day,
and worry about stagnation.
Perhaps we could gaze into the stars of each other’s soul.

Perhaps it is you, faceless shadow,
inhabiting the blind spot of my mind’s eye.
Perhaps it is you that wakes me.
Perhaps it is you in the dark that I must hold up a candle to.
Perhaps you are a part of me, and I am as yet un-whole.
Perhaps the Earthly distance gives us a mask to wear,
with TVs where the eyes should be.

Many faces, an illusion of separation, one soul
Won’t you help me to help you,
won't you help me?

I was visited by an Angel,
who knew the way.
But she flew my bed,
ere break of day.

And as the sun illuminates my eyes,
I see farther,
but feel less wise.
Imagined perfection,
meets demise,
A fading image,
Of the night.

But yet this sun,
Is the father of my life.

Amidst all the hustle and bustle of the biggest city in the world.
Amidst all the turmoil of rooms being booked to make the most efficient use of time and space.
This place got overlooked.

I'm in an empty classroom,
Alone.

The empty chairs,
A quiet reminder,
This place is used to more.
But I'm in an empty classroom,
And my thoughts are my own.

I feel illicit.
And excited.
And inspired.
I feel like becoming, the people I admire.

The space is defiantly alive,
There's new stacks of papers each night.
I feel in touch with the beauty of society,
But safe from its vice.
I barricade myself behind battlements of books.

My presence will almost certainly go undetected,
No one will notice the slight shift in the desks and chairs.
But I feel connected.
There is a shared spirit, that lives in the air.

I breath in the ghosts of the day time,
Their raucous noise nothing but a whisper, now.
I don't dislike those ghosts,
I'm just thankful for this time to play alone with the possibility
Of creation.

Away from idle chitterlings.
Their whispering ghosts make me relish this stolen time all the more.
I've got until the sun sinks, sinks, sinks into the deep dark.
I've got a candle, I've got my heart.
until sunrise.

And hopefully someday,
someone will feel,
In the midst of their new delight
The spirit of
the ghost of night.

I'm in an empty class,
Alone,
In the spaces left over,
I feel at home.

How am I scared of a memory,
echoing through rusty pipes,
with other echoes, lost in time,
deep in the *****, deep in my mind,
leaving fresh scars in the metal on each pass
through dented coils in a spiral
closing in upon my heart?

This echo doesn't fade,
it climbs.

Now swarming buzzes fly on high,
one thousand wings as black as night,
until that dark, chaotic sound
spills forth into the quiet chapel of my future.

Thunder clouds
and heavy air,
draw blackout blinds on stained glass,
as they pass,
as they pass.
Will they pass?
 
Which phantom fingers play these keys,
as I kneel at the fragile alter of existence?
How am I scared
of a memory?

Thunder shakes the very foundations,
A primal pagan invader,
Shivering my bones as I tremble and cover my head.
Lightening illuminates the wings of dread.

I pray that thunder wakes me;
wakes the one who plays the keys,
I pray that I scream,
I pray that I scream
I pray the pain will break this dream.



So then through pain and tears comes rain;
the *****'s pipes begin to spray.
Streaming rivulets wash down black stone,
through cracked tiles,
pulling dark clouds
to the depths of the ground.



And now, a harmony of mist
hangs colours in the air
light tumbles lazily,
soaring to vaulted ceilings,
brushing my hand,
blessing cracked tiles with ****** grass.

Petals serenade
silent beams of sun,
as they come,
as they come.
They will come.

I lay at peace
in this warm dawn sun.
Birds sing of love
before battle is begun.

Perfectly held
cocooned by folds of land
in the life line
of a universal hand.

But death mounts
the horizon with the sun;
violence, blood rises,
it will be begun.

I throw off the warmth,
of my bundled feather down;
kissed by a cool breeze
as I cast my gaze around.

Terror rains
from the sky on either side
with no escape
from a surging tide.

. 

But yet, and yet, a bird still sings his love;
harmony, as if he will find it.
And there's a song in my heart,
but I will die behind it.

I will fight,
and I will fight,
so that I might live to find it.

I'm not dead yet,
the blood pumping in my veins is still wet.

Television overtake me,
silence me,
with your narrative.
No!
Let me speak.

I will shout!
I will scream!
I have a voice inside this dream!

hunger,
starving jews,
piles of dead from the khmer rouge.
Cancer, disease and death,
salty tears of the ones still left.
Kittens,
fried in a microwave,
eyes burning and boiling brains.
Madness,
reality's slave.


**** and **** and torture.
hunger,
starving jews,
piles of dead from the khmer rouge.

Suicide,
smothering thoughts,
Winds blow sails to the last resort,
A mother left her child at port.

-
and my mind goes round and round and round...
Stop the countdown! lift off of the ground.
Rocket ships flying through stars,
Forget the fears and trust the scars.
-

*******,
cut down,
pain flowers in the ****** ground,
screams from the earth of an idea.

... and then there's my million microscopic fears,
That I'm not good,
and this will end in tears.

No!
Let me speak.

I will shout!
I will scream!
I have a voice inside this dream!

A stream bubbles light.
Soda pop life.
Dappled leaves on thin silver trees.
Pegs in the ground,
we weave we weave we weave,
The strings of our reality,
Laughter. Laughing laughing
lafter lafter, after,
getting dafter.
Splash,
soaked in the stream,
the bubbles bubble bubble,
just a dream.

My dad says if you get wet you should take off your clothes,
'Cos clothes is what caused the aboriginals to sneeze and cough,
And die,
That far off word.

So shivering,
As a breeze sneaks in from the edge,
We wait for mum to collect a naked boy.
He's crouched in his nakedness.
Instinctually hoarding warmth.
As the echoes of laughter
Are less sure of themselves,

Then mum comes to find the absurd.
A visit from another world.

The unfaithful wife
(Just 7 years of life)
feels the faithful knife
see-saw
through flesh,

true flash,
red light burns,
Blood screams
On a field of white snow.
And children with sledges look the other way.

Bleed her red light out,
This unfaithful wife.

Tears stream
From big brown eyes.
Scream and scream,
This pain
Tearing, deep into being.
Peeled back skin,
serrated separation.

Legs wrapped,
Around a tortured mother.
Quiet sobs,
Looking for soft love lost
In the name of lust.

Bound now,
To this blade.
A cold cut through soft beauty,
A ghost steel, wedged in
Still tied to raw skin,
Reslicing with every step.

This day,
I am found now,
Now I stay.
This way,
I am bound now.

Ice cream,
Numbs that burning pain, a bit.
A smile to a child's face.
Back to play,
This unfaithful wife,

Too young,
to know her luck.
back outside now,
White snow,
and white veils,
in the blue sky,
back outside,
back playing brides
in dresses stained in red.

And still with a smile.

In trouble; forgot the milk in my girlfriend’s tea.
She’s angry, and I have to agree,
That was a little thoughtless of me.

Today I will sharpen a stick,
and take it hunting,
and see what I hit.

Today I will plant a seed,
and grow some plants,
on which to feed.

Today I will build a store of stone,
to keep the food dry.
We have a home.

Today I will learn to write,
to spread the ideas of how to survive,
to lands that are spreading far and wide.

Today I will draw a map,
to keep the people who spread the word,
riding on the track.

And now I have all the food I could eat,
and wonders more beside,
but a new malaise has hit mankind,
against which I must fight.

Today I will champion love,
and try to eradicate fear.
I want to spread this message far,
but first I must start near.

Today I will find some unity,
in what I think and say and do,
I will courageously apply my love,
and hope my dreams push through.

Today I will see the world,
in the least contradictory way,
trying to understand nature,
to brighten someone's day.

These are the crops,
and the seeds that I plant,
these are the futures,
this is the chance.

And now I do not pray for rain,
I'm far removed from the growing grain.
But now as then,
I try to create,
and see new things and some of the same.
But now as then,
hard work's required,
a gentle hand,
that's strong when tired.
And even now a bit of chance,
so let me skip with love and care,
and some sense of nature's dance.
and compassion in my air.

Let me breathe and spread the love,
Let me see,
Let's rise above.

Gaia is a part of me,
Her lakes, her leaves and every tree,
Everything that I can see,
Is caught up in my destiny.

And in return I'll grant her that,
Along with every bird and bat,
My destiny is firmly sat,
In her eternal beauty trap.

Let your mind go
And trust yourself to realise.
Let the thought’s be free, and flow
When importance comes,
Just know, that you will know

Do not worry,
Do not analyse
Do not think about thoughts,

Be gentle with feelings as you caress them,
They are beautiful
But wild
And to cage a feeling
Is to lose a child

Let your mind go,
Let your thoughts be free, and flow
And let your feelings come,
Fresh shoots through melted snow.
Let your whole mind entwine, and grow

Do not **** this river flowing
Do not confine
The thoughts from growing

Feelings unite
Within your mind

Revel in their delicate play
as they slide by one
another

Think of your lover
But let her play and dance
and disappear
The thoughts will cloud,
But some days will clear,
And the ones you need, they're here

Feelings and thought
Will remain if they will
If they won’t
Then let them slide wonderfully into oblivion
Dive in.

You may find yourself one day
And if you don’t
Don't note what gets away

Do not write so incessantly,
Of your thoughts and your feelings,
Your fear that they will disappear,
Drives them shy

Fearful of capture,
They lay and hide,
And the River flows no more
****** and stagnant
in desert sands.

Let your mind go
And trust yourself to realise
Let the thought’s be free, and flow
When importance comes
You'll know

I have heard a perfect moment
   recorded
   in
   beautiful discord.
I have seen lifetimes
   astutely
   distilled
   in a single sentence.

I have heard a summer's day
  in a soul filled chord.
I have described heartbreak as
  a sculptural variation on a fence.

All these moments frozen,
waiting to be owned
by a collector of crystallized humanity.

But to take the beauty of one crystal,
held against the sun,
is to stumble aimlessly to insanity,
as the stitched links in your necklace
come undone.

Chords, discords and lyrical life sentences,
a collection of crystals held up to the sun.
Thoughts, deep thoughts, that meditate before it's late,
A collection of crystals will see you undone.

Without rhythm we can see a perfect moment frozen,
But without rhythm we can't see it chosen.
You'll never find perfection waiting for an explosion.

Timeless perfection comes from perfection of timing,
Two bodies beating 'til the beats are combining,
continue to beat 'til the blood pressure's rising,

And as the beats resonate to a perfect explosion,
All of a sudden it isn't surprising.

Popular culture is often lambasted,
But I think it’s philosophically underrated.
I don’t care, I want to watch top gear.
I want to complain about my job with my friends,
Then forget it all and fall asleep,
And then go out the next day and do my job,
And then buy a nice car,
And then go to the gym,
Because that is the done thing.
And it feels alright.

If your ambition is to serve the world,
and unleash your creativity,
anything that presents itself as an ultimatum,
is just the cloud of our collective doubts,
waiting for a single shot of inspiration,
to slide into blue rain.

I've got this smile I do
Where the corners of my mouth twitch up as far as they'll go
And I hold my lips just so
so that top row of my teeth are on show
But not the top gums, never those
And then of course
A little pull on those cheeks to get the dimples

And I brush furiously each day,
but I never look inside,
I never look past the 6 white teeth I show
to see the teeth beside.  

I used to have a feeling,
That laterally, they yellowed,
A furtive fearful glance,
saw shapes in the shadow,
but scared of what the light might show,
I never used to know.

Fear of what I might see,
Genetic imperfections, naturally.
So I brushed and brushed,
And then
I bit the apple,
And the chunks stuck in my teeth
And the chunks sunk down the crevices
and festered underneath.

And then I said so what: I flossed,
I took the chance to let the light dance,
And ignorance is all I lost.

I know everything.
And I wouldn't say they're yellow, more cream.
But as the floss delves down into the unknown crevices between my teeth,
It brought out some awful gunk that really stunk,
And I bled too, you know,
But I'm told those things are natural
The first few times.

And of course when it bleeds,
It's because of gum disease...
But it leaves if you can just see
what's ***** then clean.

So I made a policy decision,
not to shy away from imperfections,
as reminders of my human condition.
But instead to do the best I can
with what I've got, and all the love I can muster.

We used to do it for God,
But that's all gone in this age of science,
And meritocracy.
So I put my faith
in the healthy suspicion,
What feels right, is right.
That is, feeling is being,
Do you see what I'm seeing?

And what feels right is the best we can
The difference from man to man,
The one will live his life in fear
Of news he'll probably never hear.
The next will live his life light
Taking action, when he can,
So he might taste the world's delight.

And then of course I've got this smile
That I couldn't do a thing to hide,
As my mouth is open wide,
I've got no fear of what's inside.

You can think 'til Kingdom comes
Or we're all fried inside the sun
You can take that time to think,
You'll never find the missing link.

If you take some time alone,
When you're the only one at home,
the time to sit alone and think,
and push your logic to the brink,
You'll never find the missing link.

Tie yourself in chains,
of cause and effect,
of what you've been told,
and what to expect.

Tie yourself in chains
and link by link,
clink clink think think
Where's the link?
Stitching your hopes and pains
You  sink.

Take joy in Touch.
Washing up warm
water on skin.
I re-arranged the books
in my bag; soft,
so they fitted nicely in.

With a firm touch.
So they were just so,
my knuckles slid along
the cool interior.

In love with the world.
Making love,
my goal.

These words
Will never be the same.
Before you can blink
They'll rewire your brain

Nothing worse than flushing it away
To see that it floats
To see that it stays

Nothing worse than toothbrush on tongue,
To sense that it's there -
it isn't done

Nothing worse than when you're trying to get clean,
and you're smacked in the face with the taste,
of failed hygiene.

He's on the outside
Deep within the confines,
Inside his own mind
Mind-expanding from pole to pole
What he touches, what he feels.
What's real?

He consumes
Straw, in the Earth's core,
******* to taste and see
He tries navigate with soul
Navigating his world,
a world away from me

He took my world from me,
My world
in his blood stream
I can hear the screams

He's hemmed in by societies that can never know him
Looking on the scarred skin, superficiality
Try to explain his fatal peculiarity
Societies can't walk in his world,
Never walk within his skin
They can understand pyschology and try to explain,
But he can't feel their pain
No human instinct works that way

He took my world from me
My world's in his head
My world is dead.

Should we freeze him in ice?
Looking at a freak show
of glassy horror
A blank face, behind the make-up
we don't know

It's no animalistic, atavistic base place,
There's no human instinct that can explain.
How he walked our world, but ran a different race,

Alien, Upside down, The wrong way round, This ****** up clown
His inhuman race finds a place when a switch flicks the wrong way in a brain
There's no way to explain,
That he doesn't understand your pain
He ****** your world into his sick **** circus,
Feeding innocence to the Lions,
across lines that in his mind
just aren't

Once,
He was innocence,
There is no innocence,
There are no lines
A clown,
Without laughter,
No sense
There is just sensation,
Just living,
A clown without laughter,
Living and fighting,
natural disaster

A straw in the Earth's core,
My world is never safe
The world at individual war


He took my world from me,
My world
in his blood stream
I can hear the screams

He took my world from me
My world
In their eyes,
closed to passing time

He took my world from me
My world
inside his head

They died.

My world is dead.

Memories haunt me,

Macabre slideshows,

In my mind



They twist and taunt me

The happiness,

That’s lost in time



The future looms

It’s soon to be,

Trapped within my memory



If it’s good I feel at ease

The outlook’s bright,

I smile.



Else I’m down

Upon my knees,

I drown in self denial.

My World feels so small
As I am trapped by these walls
And the shutters are closed
And the ceiling, it falls

The scale of the tiredness
Far past,
the last resort
Has been growing
And growing
As the world will distort

Relativity takes a hit

The room tightens its grip, clenching
It’s crushing my bed
A vice of the void,
There’s no space in my head

The crunching timbers steal my breath
And crush what life they still can find
But I will wake, to live bereft
These cruel chains, are in my mind

You my cure,
a painkiller, a drug?
Delirious consumption.

Being around you
Let me forget
From thought, to happiness
I immersed myself in you
But the illness progressed

No plateau
No recreation,
As I sipped your words and tongue,
I was slipping
Sliding your syringe
Piercing, my skin
Everyday, of every week
The obsession would spiral,
But never peak

And everyday was a day away,
From the antidote I seek

I stole the timbers of my life
To fuel the fire of my addiction
And as everything crumbled,
And became less
My illness still progressed

I lit it,
And it flamed,
My pyre

But the beauty of your fire-lit face,
Engulfed my world,
And left me higher

What is the difference between love and addiction?
So little, but love seems the greater affliction.

1) The world scorns me
Without reason
No Blood, upon my hands

The guilt destroys me,
Without reason,
Thoughts fight, sense disbands

I am spinning
in the mist,
and Catching
glimpses as I twist

As spectres
smother my existence
Hiding joy
and warping distance,

Trivialities
are manifest
Drunk on self importance,
dressed
Clinically,
and all in white
Anaesthetists,
I feel no light.

Hold me now and show me
sense
I need a frame
of reference,

Joy, at times, will follow,
after
Let me know and
show me laughter

Show me love,
And tell me if,
Asking why’s
A dangerous gift.

*

2) We can never be free
Or unshackle the chain
Of cause,
and effect

We are never free
From the consequences
Of our actions,
unless

We break free
from our mind’s archives
Of shame,
and unrest

I live a half life
Hung up, on the thought of you
Every moment passing blurs
I don’t know what to do

Ever since I heard your laugh
And lost myself within your eyes
No one else has touched my soul
You’re are my truth, my life’s a lie

I cannot keep you from my mind
Fading nights, to day, tonight
I look to stars and think of you
I am no longer ruled by light

Lost, I follow all your signs
You are my night, you are my day
And the beauty of the world depends
On each and every word you say

If you whisper what I want to hear
Black clouds can crush me from the sky
You're beautiful, the day is clear
It’s clear for miles, and I know why

If you leave me wondering
Grey skies and rain are growing old
If I think that you have gone
The sun can shine, but I am cold

The thoughts I have of holding you
They blind and burn with ecstasy
The thought of you within my arms
It hides from view all else I see

*

My life’s been lost, and halved too long
I’ll take the highs but at what cost?
The lows prove optimism wrong,
And what of everything I’ve lost?

So **** stupid's how I feel
Have I let this last too long?
From when we met until this day?
Is anything we had, now gone?

There were reasons that I hesitated,
Left you alone to work things out
You didn’t mean so much to happen,
But now my mind is plagued with doubt.

I want to fill my life with you
And let you know I need you here
But if I have to let you go
At least an empty glass is clear…

So this is it
I fell for you

And fall each day
And I don’t know,
how good we’d be
But either way,
I have to see…  And you should know.

Live each moment gratefully

The lives I watched when I was young
They used to pull me in
I used to feel the characters
and used to let them in

The lives I watch are just the same
But as I watch I cannot say
That which I see engrosses me
My mind begins to stray

Asking questions of the world,
And asking questions of my life
In which I cannot feel the thrill
Or feel the passion in a bite

As I am lost from questioning
There are moments of enjoyment, yes
They take exception to routine
What satisfaction from success?

And why the satisfaction then
And what success do we define?
So insignificant a role we play
Within the scheme of space and time



I di-sected my reality,  
Laid bare the nervous thirst to live,
And cut the nerves that there did lie
By asking why, what does life give?



Am I now immune from joy?
Empty, as I’m led to death
And cold amid infinity
As black mist blinds and steals my breath?

Am I right to feel this cold
Should ambition be forsake
Should we revoke the warmth of man,
To recognise our solemn fate?

|*|

I say that now the answer’s no
So please go forth, and bring me laughter.
Warm my soul with man’s affairs
And warm my heart with love, soon after

My dysfunctional reality
Ignites upon the thought of you
A face so pure, so clear to see
Gives me hope and guides me through

To ask such questions caused me pain
No answers came upon request
Nothing that would keep me sane
Bar what man, himself, on me bequest

My life the richer to have asked,
And known yet now left despair,
As the contrast helps me celebrate
Mankind and nature’s beauty, fair

To ask such questions caused me pain
But now I have a greater reason,
Nothing that will keep me sane,
Bar joy each day, and every season

Your soul your self your face so clear
So clear to see
So clear to hear
You remind to forget my fear

To see both rhyme…
and reason here.