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Who am  I?
Certainly I am not who is reflected in the mirror!
With scarred arms and lacerated thighs!
I am not the hated reflection that practices her smile before facing the world!

No!
I can't be!
She who hears the blade singing her name
And every wrong thing she's ever done is another tally mark on her skin

What is my name?
Is it pain, is it shame, is it filth?
Another ***** smudge on this stained planet
I think I remember it now

But it's just a memory long faded away
No point in wasting breath to say it
I am nameless, another blurred face you pass by
In the privacy of the bathroom
Lock the door
Check it twice

Pull out the small plastic box
Take out your weapon
Smile

Hot water to clean
A silver blade to cleanse
Bleed away the memories

Watch it twining down your leg
Like a scarlet ribbon
Wrapping itself around your calf

A red river going down, down, down
Swirling, twirling into the drain
Staining the tub red

My legs hurt
The blood is seeping through
I leave smudges on my bed sheets
And risk discovery when wearing shorts

But the scars are so beautiful
Do you think, that if you close your eyes
You'd be able to read them like braille?
Butterfly, butterfly
On my arm
You're no use to me

I only ask
For you are the creation
Of the one I love

Her hands held the marker
That graced my skin
An indirect whisper of skin against skin

Little butterfly
Though useless you may be
You are perfection

From the tips of your antennae
To the bottom of your wings
And the swooping pattern in between

Imagined and concocted
Made by the hands
Of god herself

Delicate butterfly
You hold her essence
In your dark lines

At night I close my eyes
Trace your shape
With my fingertips

Though you don't stop the blood
Little butterfly
I still love you
Dedicated to Dora, who draws a butterfly on my arm, but doesn't know that I only ask for it because it reminds me of her.
My New Years resolution?
Why would I stop doing the very thing
That keeps my alive
By killing me a little
Every time
Everyone has their addictions
Some like to swim in a bottle of whiskey
Others touch the sky as smoke fills their lungs
Carnal lust to feel some sort of love
Finding fleeting moments of joy in the bottom of a burning spoon

Me?
I'm addicted to the gore
Something wicked sharp for my legs
Something small for my torso
A sting and then it's smooth sailing

A leering grin on my thigh
I find myself in the raw pink edges
The yellow spheres of fat
That turn orange as blood bubbles to the surface
And run like crimson rivers down the drain

I am made of satin scars
A physical imperfection to mirror
How ******* up I am inside
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