it comes and goes in waves
the clarity slips
out of my hands
out of my mind
I try to re-find it
every single time

I enrolled this year
no doubt, no fear
well, not concerning my course at least

i went to campus
most days
which became some days
which became just tuesdays

what am i doing here?
i understood it
when i walked back to my place
i do not want to call it a home

that's why i am here
learning how to be okay
with growing up on my own

Falsifiability: "the capacity for some proposition, statement, theory or hypothesis to be proven wrong".

Hypothesis: "I cannot be loved."

To love or not to love
I do not let myself be loved
If you do not love me, I will say
'I completely understand sir, have a great day!'

However, one day I was giggling with a friend, and I noticed I was wary
I could not understand
How she could love me so effortlessly

I did not trust it
I did not believe
That anyone could love me This much
Shé must be very naive

Maybe Karl Popper was on to something
And Stephen Chbosky was too

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum
waking up every night

I wake up at 3
feeling you too close to me
your hands touched places

I try to get some sleep

I wake up at 5
They say the body keeps the score
Adrenaline
Fight or ..

Freeze
I wake up at 7
I cannot do this any longer

'You look tired'
Yeahh I know, it's just them pills
They cause my nightmares
Haha yeah just some odd dreams, I'll try to get some sleep tonight, thanks

I honestly thought I would be over it by now
How foolish of me
To think the marks you left on my body, could ever leave my mind

I cannot even get some ******* sleep
It's been three **** years
But boys will be boys
And yes means yes
And no means yes too

I've glued together so many papers
crossed out so many words
That sometimes I worry
If my story
Will be understood

But maybe it's a diary
And maybe it's not mine
What if it was yours?
And I crossed out so many lines

Would you feel anger
Because you'd be misunderstood?
Or maybe sigh with relief
Because i saved you from
Remembering
Your childhood

You were always loving me "despite"
I needed you to love me "because"