For right now, it's just longing,
With a false sense of hope.
For right now, it's hoping the spring will be able to salvage what little winter left in us.

The grounds were still frozen when you passed,
So ashes you are now,
Into the air like heavy smoke,
with no stone to remember your name.
But we will.

For right now, it's trying to make the best out of the worst,
Parties at your house are unsettling,
8 pm without drunk karaoke,
No cowboys hats,
Just the echo of Mr. Johnny Cash.

For right now, it's pretending.
That loss hasn't made its way into our daily routine,
And memories haven't cluttered into every few thoughts.
Maybe we'll feel better in another six months,
Or not,
I don't really know.

He said, "Tell them you love them"
But I don't know how,
The words never follow through,
Just always foaming at the mouth.
Like a dog in the heat,
But it's me in his sweater,
Give me one last change to try to get it together.

He said, "Try harder" to me,
But I don't know if I can,
All the pounding in my chest and the weight in my hands,
You know it's harder to be,
Something that which takes effort and time,
Something that'll resemble the girl in the back of your mind.

I'll be a whiskey and a fire,
A burst of burning light,
I'll be the dullness in old dresses
Or your cloudy starless night.

He said, "You need to relax"
And maybe he was right,
Maybe I was holding onto words too tight,
And I could fall into his dream,
And finally breathe,
Bend my bones into the beauty I knew he wanted me to be.

What if I was born out of soft *** cries and blooming flowers?
If I was born from the tears of the people in the falling towers?
If I was made by the gods or nature and trees,
If I was made out of spite to bring my father to his knees.

If I was made out of fluorescent lights and ambient sounds,
If I fell from the sky onto unholy grounds,
What if I ****** it up real bad and they sent me from hell,
And I was born with no memory of it and no secrets to tell.

Or I was just born from my mothers womb,
Boring but probably true,
She took all her love and gave me my youth.
But I don't quite remember so I'll have to make things up,
Of how I was made and born here,
How I became bad luck.