i was so perfect thouse years ago
my heartbeat loud as thunder
my thoughts bright as angels wings
time drifting up on me
now i cup a tear fragile in my old hand
now i bear the bitter news dry as old bones
but that sunshine is filled with beauty
that breath of breeze bears whispers of romance
all i ever wanted is only in my hand

I just want to be untouched by this
Laying on the living room floor like the rug with a black book and some pens,
Old records and their crackling can fill the room but it won't make it better.
I think I'm better left to think for myself and I'm better left to be misunderstood too, maybe.
I don't need you to work out my complexities.

And you said that I could undo you,
Well I already did,
Took off your clothes and pulled you into bed,
I miss you all the time even though you can't tell,
I miss you so much even though you can't tell.

I write about it all the time,
Your mouth, your mattress, your bad habits and everything you tell me .
How come I hid from you when you passed the drugstore window?
I don't know,
I don't know why I do a lot of things.
I just want to be untouched by this.

Black and white filmography
Sky fallen melt away cotton,
Still at sea level, but in the pines.

Collect the sticks we'll put together
Build a fire in our newly white cathedral.
Tobacco and lavender soaked up in the fabrics that embrace me.
Some cinnamon too.

A song called Holocene made me cry when I heard it,
I don't know what it was about though.
White noise and blank space,
So so much of it.

Warm inside and it's cold out there,
Raw hands from my constant smoke breaks in the wind ,
Meat and potatoes,
Bread and milk, love.
I don't know when we're getting into town again.

I looked up at the setting sun today and something felt strange.
Leaning up against an old oak tree that used to hold a swing I would spend summer mornings on after tea,
And noticing the basketball hoop was now ridden with rust,
the one that my brother and I played with constantly
A decade or so ago.

And in this strong dose of nostalgia
I looked over to the pool,
now covered for the winter months,
And dreamt back into the summers I spent filling my lungs with air before taking a long dive and eventually breaking the surface into sunbeams
the top 40 hits on the radio once again.

I could almost hear the voices of all of my cousins and aunts and uncles,
The excited yelling and laughs at a party in this same backyard sometime so long ago,
And I just sat in the dark for an hour,
Contemplating with myself.
It's not normal for me to  wither in the past,
Because I know it's gone, and I know it's all just in photographs and thoughts,
But I couldn't get past how much everything has changed tonight.

Not saying I love you
this morning felt like
forgetting to take my
medicine.