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231 · Feb 2018
if only...
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
i could build a staircase with my sorrow,
i swear i would climb to where you are,
and if i could create an ocean with my tears,
i would swim to you, no matter how far

oh if only i could turn my misery into metal
and perhaps create a rocket or car,
i would fly or drive to you my dear,
beyond the moon, and past the brightest star.
230 · Apr 2018
suffering
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
nothing feels real, it all feels like a dream,
like I have been watching my life from the e y e s of another,
will I ever be at peace?
oh how I wonder,

how I lay here and ponder what it would be like,
if I had enough power to speed up,
fast forward through life,
and escape right now, for it is far too much

I can not bear these feelings and flashbacks,
the feeling that I have died,
like life is full of nothing but crap,
and like my brain is completely fried.

tell me, why did it not take my life,
why was I not given back to the sky?
230 · Sep 2019
untitled
Elizabeth Oyibo Sep 2019
.you,
are like the sun up in the
sky,
you hurt me when I get too close, but
I need you to survive.
229 · Apr 2018
i'm sorry
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
So many ways to tell this story
                                   So many d e t a i l s that could help explain
Like the nights where I stayed up,
                             only comforted by the soft sound of the rain
or all the times I decided that b l a d e s would be the best way
                                     to
                                           relieve
                                                     the
                                                          pain­
           But I am sure you do not care
                                            Because what does that matter now?
                           I am gone and I am not coming back.
you can't save me.
227 · Apr 2018
"........
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
I fell into the trap once again,
as I was w a n d e r i n g,
through the ill forest of your mind,
and so I will sit here quietly,
waiting for you to free me........"
Will you ever let me go.
225 · Apr 2018
VI
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
VI
The sky is crying tonight,
perhaps it’s tears signify it's longing for me to say goodbye.
please, give me back to the sky.
I don't want to be here anymore.
225 · Jan 2018
Nights
Elizabeth Oyibo Jan 2018
As the sun leaves the sky
And the day turns to night,
I face a blank canvas
And paint whatever comes to mind

Sometimes its a picture that may almost look real,
But more often than sometimes is a mixture colors
Blended in such a way that portrays what I feel,

Acrylic, oil, or watercolor
All serve the same purpose,
  Regardless of the medium the piece will be like no other
As I cover every inch of the white surface.

Whether it gets completed or not
Does not matter for that's not the point,
Only what was able to be produced
And on the canvas I was able to anoint.

But soon the moon says goodbye,
And the sun once again begins to rise
And as the paint begins to dry
I realize I have met my untimely demise.
I once spent an entire summer locked away in my room because I was too sad to see the day and so this is how I spent my nights.
224 · Feb 2018
Classroom Conversations
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
."Which color would you choose to have not exist and why?"
"gray or black, because they are both really sad"
"yellow, because it's far too bright"
"red, because it represents evil"

I've always admired how other's perceive the world, especially in terms of the obliteration of things. The justification for this obliteration however, is not as admirable as it is intriguing. In terms of colors, it actually seems to be quite tragic.

Without black or gray
I am afraid there would be no other way for my paint to say;
**** every source of light in the world; it's all a facade,
I would rather risk burning in hell then admit there is a God,
because he lit candles for me and drew me into his cave,
but I did not get very far before he blew them out, and turned his "kingdom" into my grave
Do not tell me that God is light or that he is love,
because in terms of what exists, it is none of the above,
And do not tell me that you do not want, "gray or black because they're sad"
because I need them to portray the neglect I have felt from my dad
and the way my mother used to say we would always be together
and draped always in forever
but soon began tearing the fabric with every word and every scar
branded in my memory, on my skin, and in the depths of my heart


So please do not wish them to be gone...
Without them how would anyone be able to hear the color of yellows song?

Oh, without yellow
I am afraid the sun would no longer say hello
And the world would be quite dull,
The sun could not take away the cold
And the world would be left gray and black,
although there is not much of a problem with that,
at least for me,
because the world inside my head is already quite dreary,
but what about those children who oh so adore the bees
and who smile back at yellow flowers among many trees,
or what about when my grays and blacks start to dissipate
and I search for yellow, so I can learn to love instead of hate,
or what about the daisies and the sunflowers that I deeply adore,
why without the color yellow then they would be no more
I understand that you may want to rid the darkness in the world, but do not wish for the demise of sunshine and light,
even if at times you think they are far too bright.
Although there are people like me,
who find this hope and happiness hard to see,
there are people searching for it or basking in its glow,
so do not take away the only thing that can dispose of the cold


Now without gray or black,
and without us smiling at the sun, while yellow smiles back,
how would we know red?
the color that occupies our bodies, from our toes to our head

Ah red
Perhaps if you did not exist then many who I love would not be dead,
perhaps if you were not there,
to release the despair,
they held within their veins,
then I would be able to hold them while we listen to the rain,
but I know I still need you, and without you I'd cry,
because I adore when the gray kisses my skin and you always say hi,
and you have always been both a warning and an end,
although no matter how many times you say hello, I always just pretend,
that your warnings are greetings, and even when you scream at me that the end is near,
I act as though I cannot hear,
Red is evil
Well, maybe they're right
But there are many evils in this world, like the devils that make their home in my head during the night
or the voices that creep their way in my bed,
and without them I am sure I would be dead,
because they comfort me and they are my friends,
just as lovely and as wonderful as the color red

not only I, but we need colors such as these to feel. we need them because without one color nothing would be the same, even other colors would lose their contrast or hue. we need them because even though they may be associated with sadness, evil, or annoyance, they are an important part of the world's painting. so although you may not enjoy a particular shade, do not wish for it to go away, because without them nothing would be the same.
220 · Apr 2018
16
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
16
.although my mother is not apart of my life, in my sixteen years of existence she has still managed to teach me sixteen things
.........................................................­..........................
1. When you crawl towards hope in the dark, make sure it is not the devil in disguise....oh mother dear you always seemed to dress it in the most loveliest of fabrics and the softest of silks, making it seem so desirable.....how could I have known?....
2. Never leave the dinner table until you are finished....those words seemed to speak more to the demons in my brain than to me because, every night they have their feast and they never leave until they have finished consuming e v e r y i n c h o f m y   m i n d
3. Actions speak louder than words, and mother dearest believe it or not, the marks you left on my skin and the scars on my heart have always been able to scream louder than you ever did
4. The eyes are the window to the soul and they speak their own language that often times is hard to understand.....perhaps if I were to have been able to understand the words your eyes spoke, then I would have been able to hear them say you did not love me before your mouth ever did
5. You must obey and no is not an option... I wish you never would have taught me this out of everything, for perhaps if I knew differently I would have been able to let the words slip from my mouth as his lips caressed my skin....if only he had looked into my eyes, although I am sure he would not have been able to understand what they were saying anyways
6. I am a hoarder...but instead of collecting clothing and art, I now collect my misery and regrets because its all that you left
7. Punishment must be given to those who do bad things...or perhaps its simply bad people...I mean it must be bad people or a combination of the two because you always rewarded almost everything I did with punishment....and still no matter how hard I try, nothing is good enough
8. Do not bother trying to plant flowers within the graveyards of your brain because the dead parts of you have nothing to offer...is that why you tried murdering every inch of my mind?
9. Always is valueless and forever does not exist
10. I love you is like the ocean, something so beautiful and that I rarely get to experience..... so you'd tell me you loved me and lure me into your waters but, I only ever drowned
11. By the age of eleven, unconditional love can become conditional and when you do not achieve perfection or meet certain standards...then you do not deserve love, you do not deserve anything...and no matter what, I believe I deserve nothing at all
12. Happy Birthday is said to good children who respect their mothers....thank god I have never valued the day I was born
13. God is love...but you showed me that love does not exist, so tell me how can there be a God?
14. Your body is not a temple, it is a cave.. and everyday your words sent sparks to the dynamite within me...waiting for the day where my walls would  c o l l a p s e
15.  Your addictions will lead to countless contradictions but they are the only thing that will ever love you so, hold on tightly......eventually they will carry you home
16.  Always forgive and forget...now I always tried to forgive you, always....but tell me, how can I ever forget what you have branded into my memories..?
219 · Aug 2018
exhaustion
Elizabeth Oyibo Aug 2018
I really don't want to be this way,
I'm tired of being dragged throughout each day, tired
of allowing every flower in my garden to slowly decay, tired
of knowing that not everyone and everything will stay, tired
of watching the sun fall instead of watching it rise, and I'm
tired of waiting for the day I meet my demise, I'm
over feeling like I'm constantly being buried alive, like
I'm always six feet deep,
in my own ******* misery
.
215 · Apr 2018
VIII
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
I now realize....
that there are far more graveyards, in my brain
than there are gardens.
I will never be anything other than a tragedy.
215 · Apr 2018
IX
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
IX
Every minute. Every pill,
Every second, oh the thrill
of not knowing whether it is I,
or the bottle that will become empty first.
It is a shame only one can be filled again.
215 · Apr 2018
Untitled
Elizabeth Oyibo Apr 2018
.Sign in, and
enter into the world that tends to the desires of your mind,
5 comments, 100 likes,
these are the numbers that define, whether
or not you are truly worthy of anyone's time, follow
and compare, what it is
you lack or share with others,
s
    c
        r
           o
               l
                   l
             d
         o
     w
 n
    to
        the
            very bottom of the page, and
become a slave to the world in which you have created, the
world where you can cast your loneliness, or your
desires into this infinite void of emptiness, and
feel like it is fine, because
6 comments, 200 likes,
is equivocal in our minds, to genuine care
but there is truly nothing there, and
without this world that is like a home, you
truly realize that all this time, you
have really been alone.
209 · Mar 2018
II
Elizabeth Oyibo Mar 2018
II
But what is sadness and what is sorrow?
Do we dare to define them, or allow them to define us?
And shall we allow them to determine whether or not we see tomorrow?
206 · Feb 2018
silence,
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
has always sounded so ******* loud,
especially the first day without you here,
i swear to god, it screamed until its lungs gave out.
187 · Mar 2018
III
Elizabeth Oyibo Mar 2018
III
You are like the sun up in the sky,
you hurt me when I get too close,
but I need you to survive.
Elizabeth Oyibo Aug 2020
I took a bite of the forbidden fruit, and
wondered,
why I was dying
wondered
why
something so dark,
so
ominous in its nature
could still be pure
how the devil himself could still have a halo

death is something you don’t realize has captivated you until you’re dead
until the flower by the window has wilted over
until
the milk you just bought has expired
until
the illusion fades away
and you realize
the garden you once planted is filled with tombstones
and
you walk through it
slowly
reading each one
wondering how
things fade so quickly

but the women that showed me graveyards made them seem like gardens
and the man that showed me gardens
made me realize their impending doom
there is no difference between a garden and a graveyard
182 · Feb 2018
The Gardener
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
The gardener planted flowers within the graveyards of my brain,
Trying the bring life to the parts of me that are dead,
And they sit there silently, drinking up the rain,
Growing everyday and occupying space in my head

They are beautiful and lovely, smiling everyday
But they sip upon the sunlight too,
And I am afraid, I miss the warmth of each ray,
because without them I have turned blue.
Dying so that other things may grow I suppose is not too bad,
At least then I would have a purpose,
and perhaps I would not be so sad.
181 · Jan 2019
gloom and doom
Elizabeth Oyibo Jan 2019
my life was titled a tragedy before I could even talk, and
before I could even walk, I somehow walked into the arms of misery, and
soon despair would come for me,
knocking at my door,
before I even knew what existence was,
I knew I wanted it no more, and
even after all these years I only crave the end,
dreaming of my own demise, wishing I was dead.
181 · Feb 2019
still
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2019
.anyone can be apart of my life if they wish to be, but
my soul is like the vast open sea that only a few wish to dive into, only
a few can ever understand why the water flows the way it does, and
only a few dare to discover the depths, yet still,
among the few that do, they
fail to follow my one request, to
be cautious when diving into the depths, and so
still,
they choose to leave, and
still my waters will be, for
it is not their absence that I will ultimately miss, for
things that are meant to be will be, and
in the end it is what is best for me.
it is the fact that I was not worth something so simple.
179 · Feb 2018
Apparition
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
There are ghosts in your bones
And they crawl out at night,
Your body is their home
And your soul is their light
159 · Feb 2018
Departure
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
Saying sorry does not make sense to me
and so I will give no apologies.
Perhaps the anger felt from my non-regrets,
will over power the anger you felt when I left
Or maybe they will become a mixed drink
One part sorrow
Two parts t r a g e d y
And a dash of wonder for what has become of me.
153 · Feb 2018
Sunshine
Elizabeth Oyibo Feb 2018
Sunshine, please kiss me one more time
Before you finally say goodbye,

The sky is crying as you choose to depart,
And the darkness is slowly blanketing my heart,

I do not know where these words have been,
I suppose they have been sleeping within the caves of my brain,
But they have awoken now,


So please do not go too soon,
I need your light so badly, and although I adore the moon
It can never be the same as you, you
make things grow, and when you come close
You melt the cold winter snow,
So how could I ever be content with your departure?

— The End —