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I post pictures of my body as if I were proud of it, but I’m not.
My thoughts can’t escape my mind and my mind feels like it’s floating outside my body.
I tell myself I’m gonna die one day as if I know it will be soon or maybe because I want it to be.
I fear my future constantly even though I know all it takes to succeed is hard work which I know I can do.
I’m scared that if I even do get the opportunity to build a family I’ll ruin my children with actions I cannot anticipate.
My head is full of “what if’s” and doubt.
Sometimes I look at the fading scars on my body and wonder if I should let them fade because it’s a mark that initially was meant to be permanent, it’s a part of me I feel I can’t let go.
love, you are so bright today.
Dear body,

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for what I have done to you and what may be done to you.
I want to one day be proud of you, to one day feel beautiful and empowered.
I want your scars to be know as battle wounds that remind you of the beautiful outcome you fought for.
I want you to feel safe when being held in the arms of another.
I want people to look at you and make you feel important, not by sexualizing you but by acknowledging your strength and growth.
I wish for people not to want to look like you.
I want you to take care of the person inside of you rather than focusing so much on the outside because it’s always changing anyways.
I want you to no longer feel restricted, but know that it’s okay to cover up.
I wish it was easier to take care of you than to harm you.
One day it will be.
Body, I’m sorry.
I face the pain brought to me from my own thoughts daily
My eyes look empty, but behind them my mind stays flooded  with thoughts reminding me that there probably won’t be at day I’m no longer broken.
Here I am. Me. Consumed by my own thoughts forever restricting me from the happiness I was once promised.

— The End —