Crying over a dog   is a bit    Xtra   no one wants
to talk about the little    sad things in life   like  sick dogs
with  broken limbs    weak breathing    desperate eyes
it happens   everywhere   that type of suffering

thank  you for saying    hello  and
not expecting  anything else from me

Sometimes    it’s just easier to dim  the silence
with conversations from fictional    heroes, villains,   normal
people   so unlike us

as my tendencies begin to stop---for panic   attacks
and anxiety-fueled
nights      of non-stop thinking  
back-and-forths about the
nature  of my spirit, good or bad
I start to fear more instead  
are all the people I love dead?
will my  dying dog kick his way into my room
and speak to me    truths  
I can’t bear to hear?

You want to separate yourself from me sometimes   but
my side isn’t willing to let go

Cooking side  by   side    I play music to
somehow        tell you all things   I cannot say
because   you won’t believe me       when I say

I want this to work  

Last night   you said  I wasn’t quite THERE
when you    pounded inside    you said your wrist never
hurt so much  from *******
all my head   thought   was     ****, is my body
that   hard to  *** to

I could understand how  you found it   upsetting
that   I was so   self-conscious    that I couldn’t even
see how you might like me
so you chose   to hurt me like I had hurt you

as I narrate your every move----cutting the tomatoes, the onions,
cracking the eggs      you signal the flaws within all my
descriptions          and  without mercy, you say

I think   I need to get myself    a new narrator

Ear   muffs on       you always
said   that      it all goes through one   ear
and comes out    the other     well, ma
sorry    to say it might be true
you       stare at me  as I finish  my french fries
why do you look on like that?     have I hurt you?
as fat  as I may  be    I’ve got more soul   than
you ever  did      you wish to be loved by your mother
and sisters          loved unconditionally     so much
that you can’t even    give me that

thick   my arms are   as I place them on the counter top,
smacking   hard   as you cry   telling me how my body
doesn’t deserve      to be loved    

Mother, I’ve found  solace   in being a wolf
natural    misunderstood    hungry  and         beautiful