At exactly three AM of VI/X/XXXV— it was a decision I made that changed my life. A rash decision based on what I wanted to feel at that time.

This was the hardest story I could ever tell the world—about what really happened to me. It was an awareness, that we have to be very careful who we chose to welcome in our life.

Everyone can be our friend—male or female, regardless of what gender. But some men, though I do not overgeneralize the fact, that my perpetrator is a male. A xxv-year old male, never attractive or my type—but he was a corrupting minor.

I was only XV at that time, maybe what made me drawn to him, was how he saw me regardless of how invisible I was in the eyes of others. I love the attention he gave me. The time he spend with me. But I was not his and he was not mine as well.

For some, it was an eye-opener but for some it was grief.
That nightmare I experienced, I hope it was only a dream that when you wake up it was no longer there;
But, that was not the case, at all.

He left me a scar that took me forever to heal, a trauma I cannot get rid of. I struggle to trust people's intentions. I judge people easily when someone wants to come into my life. I questioned God from before, I even questioned my identity.

Will someone love me or accept me? I felt so ***** at that time. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I look like I was too transparent for everyone to see when they look at me.

When someone talks behind my back, I became anxious.
My therapist diagnosed me of having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) because even in my dreams, he visited me.

To the old me, back in XXXXXV—I am sorry that I caused you too much pain. You struggled on your own. You became home-schooled, faced the challenges on your own, sent away by your parents for a rehab, you learned how to become an independent person. You found your way through Poetry, you opened your old wounds for people to look at, not being judged.

To the young and naive you, thank you for being brave. For facing your problems on your own. Thank you for molding me into what I am today. I hope your inner child is healed already, because you were forced that at such a young age, your mother believed that "Maturity comes with age" but you realized that "Maturity depends on the kind of experience you had."

To the new me, you can smile and laugh now, for you have been freed—not by kindness, but by years of forgiveness and repentance. Let go of things that we cannot control or hold dear of. Life is always like that, very unpredictable and chaotic—but it is very pleasing to live a good life despite of its chaotic measures.

---_yndn.