So, that was that and It was what it was;
A brief scenario of merry-making and scuzz
The first in a while and the last of the season;
why and because I don't have a reason

To feel as if i'm being or at least acknowledged
I am what I am and I am of that full fledged
Surely not on record or I'd gain a new memory;
Since that's all I've known for a relative eternity

Isolated from life - Yet I still feel effrontery
I've been pleased for so long by a cheerless dreary
This hermetic dis-order is all I can cherish with avarice;
Even though my desire leads to a different device

I've met with so many whom I now only know in lore;
And their faces are gone at the dawn of thy first score!
How many can I lose until i'm completely empty;
Of how I became adorned with this fictitious personality?

And, If I were to misplace that - I might become nothing
A passionless solitarion like a fish with no feeling
How can I be satisfied by loneliness when i'm so ashamed?
How do I stay dreaming even as i'm being blamed?

I do suppose this repression is just my anxious defense;
A troublesome flight mechanism worth every pence
If being paranoid is a sheer sign of being delirious;
then how real is the figure lurking in my conscious?

And, why is he speaking? where does this voice ring from?
Could this sincerely mean I suffer from delirium?
As I wondered for a moment I felt a hand on my shoulder;
Swung my neck on impulse to see a friend who looked much older

One could almost say his complexion had become zombified;
Even the colors of his garments had grown worn and tried
Although, his expression was now that of glee;
How comically wondrous it was to see a jester happy!

As a smile graced the face of my own;
My re-acquainted companion began to intone
I'll get straight to the purpose of this meeting;
I'm here to give you a book that served well at my leaving

I was sent to this plane at the commencement of that ceremony;
To guide you away from the words of their devilish debauchery
You must take this text of arcana that is a-kin to us both;
Read it from cover to cover and recite the sacred oath

I bid you farewell - For I have but a short time in this dis-position
His presence dispersed before my questions came to fruition;
Leaving me somewhat perplexed as to what move should be my next
As I'm not one for distinguishing the blessed from a cursed text

Did it serve as his guide? Or was it a temptress of an attempter?
On that regard - i'm just as he - a critical librespenseur!
And, If I am to be led astray far from the common good;
Then I'll have found a rare nuance as a new philosopher would!

How long could this insightful illusion possibly remain?
Is this nirvana even remotely feasible to ascertain?
Why am I so weary? Why do I even pretend to implore?
How many times can one man forget the anguish he adores?

No being can sincerely state such extraordinary transcendence;
our insight only goes as far as an allusion to dissonance
One that merely reveals the futile inception of affliction;
Constructing the demeaning fortitude of vile attrition

This vessel to enlightenment is the same as any other;
Conjuring a spirit will only leave your will to smother
Just as the knowing of any faith is mere hallucination;
A malicious state of mind that writhes in fixation

Suppressing all earthly emotion through it's malevolent wraith;
Shedding all inner doubtfulness to parallel the warmth of faith!
Like Singing a melody without the prejudice of protruding eyes!
Or conversing with an assembly of reflections with no disguise!

Oh how these phrases proclaim such Sancta simplicitas!
And if I am he who is - what does that leave me as?
A foundation of flesh that hosts a gullible fool;
Thriving in exception as opposed to the rule!

The brew had peaked it's height and was entering the comedown;
Transforming my gleaming smile into a nihilistic frown
Depressing my virtue into a topic for their impish debate;
Is it possible that the truth we've uncovered is something you hate?

Or in a similar term - a knowledge you can't understand.
And, If what we ask is true; We'll have no choice but to disband
We've no use for an embodiment of weak character and will;
So, answer proudly or explain your fortune of ill

As much as I would love to continue forth with this high;
It would be little more than an instinctive lie
I'm sorry for all the time I've wasted with you all;
The comprehension I held for a moment has ceased to a crawl

I don't mean to take any merit from your success or glory;
But if I'm to stay here tonight it will be little but history
And, no achievement could come out of the addition of my tale
From the deliverance of my conception I've been set to fail

Any moment that I've felt some affirmation of my intelligence;
It has become misconstrued into an entanglement of rememberance
A procrastinating delusionist that can't seem to forget the past;
Endlessly oppressing my outward impression into a sickly broadcast

For I can only profess my Elysium through a few simple thoughts!
Like a yearnful longing for belonging that escapism had wrought
The only contentment I've ever known has simply been indifference;
A veiled acceptance of happiness that is portrayed with vehemence

Can you now see that this gathering has been doomed from the start?
For poets and prophets know naught but a deceptive art!
Enticing others with their own personal mantra, and presence;
To conclude this rehearsal I must commence with my absence

The practice before me was something so foreign
Their tempo of chant was that which evoked my adrenaline
The circle they worshiped began it's eruption of colors;
spewing a spectacle of radiance that was a spectrum of some other

The hexagram itself began to shine with an ominous gleam;
All but one vertex was a blaze; what could that mean?
Perhaps, their party of six was too small in number;
To awaken the demon from it's monotonous slumber?

To complete the ensemble of seven must be my own task;
The sprites were fixed in trance; I had no reason to ask
So, I sprang into motion and joined in their ritual dance
Finalizing their sacred rites and granting myself with reverence

The echoes of recitement deluded into something more strange;
One that my mortal ears could do naught but re-arrange
Into a bric-a-brac of non-sense derived from the past
I needed to contribute to the intonement for our progression to last

How could I ululate with the rest in my simple irrelevant language?
I inquired to my friends in hopes of restoring the veracity of my courage
The imp at my front spun his attention to answer my doubts;
For what truly matters is that which exhibits the earnestness of your quotes!

Aha My Brothers! I can now see without my cloudy vacillation;
The next verse I cast shall be the epithet of an immaculate alteration!
I must exalt for my falsifications and this facade of reverendum
These letters fixed in stone are merit-less and de omnibus dubitandum!

There shall be no greater wisdom than the acceptance of that fact
To dwell on the word of man is to dabble in what you've always lacked
Our deficiency of distinctive beliefs and the privilege of identity;
Every truth conceals it's delusion in a seemingly flawless sincerity!

I repeated my genial perspective several times until my breath was gone
The numbness in my torso was then expressed through a re-habilitating yawn
Followed by an out-pour of blood;Spewing from the confines of my lungs
Oh! What a righteous taste this is to speak in the devils' tongue!

For the throes of a sinner are not that of the wicked or holy blaspheme;
They are simply the inverted inquisition of the unanswered question maybe!
The concepts of free will and of good and evil are truly incomprehensible
as our minds are merely aware of relevance; Ignoring the unintelligible

Being enthralled by the dizziness of this new found anemia;
I commenced to utter the defeatists' call into the absence of Elysia
Witnessing no reply I fell to thy knees - cupping the blood I had spilt;
Raising the crimson liquid to thy mouth - consuming the life i'd built!

Which my new fraternal comrades admired with a fixed curiosity;
For I had undeniably turned water to wine and it was merely an impetuosity!
Laughter ensued and the fire of our ceremonial ring blazoned it's approval;
What a way to end an evocation! We had set the scene for our lords' revival!

To state his name for certain would be to use it in vain.
As the out-right ruler of this plane goes by many a name;
And none all the same ; How could a god be labeled as something you say?
If I may conclude in all modesty he is you and he is I. If I may ...

To the shadows of branches that were erasing all light
and sheltering creatures that were hidden in night
Lurkers like me who can do nothing but hide
In perpetual solitude my time I must bide

Demonic imps were dancing by the treeline
With horrid faces of the queerest design
Intriguing my interest to enter the wood
Pulling me closer to the hill where they stood

Their song and dance had now faded to chant
As I hid by a bush becoming more reluctant
Suddenly they stopped and crept to a glare
Reveal yourself at once we know you hide there!

I'm sorry strange beasts I mean you no harm
As a matter of fact i'm infected with charm
Those words that you speak arrange to invigor;
my ear and thy mind the sound it does trigger

The skeptical sprites began to laugh and say
If you want to join in then come right away!
Drink fast this elixir for it will calm your mind
If thou art lord then he you will find

I took hold of the goblet with a hesitant sigh
The expressions around me had then turned so sly
I was beginning to ponder their commode and delight
and how I had not once left their sight

Is this some sort of antipathetic indignation?
What will be the extent of my inebriation?
I felt uneasy and I just had to ask
what manner of life lay under your masks?

Long we've been dead as you presumably guessed
We live in absence and are merely here as guests
For it's a Sabbath Night and 'tis our only vocation;
To meet with our followers at this very location

we've been waiting for hours but seen only you:
We need a mortal man to do what we do
So if I may return from my digression
It is time to begin the eve of possession!

As he finished his words I looked down at my drink
Examined the substance and began to think;
Of the words from a poet with peculiar luck
Write the unwritten and **** not lest ye be ******!

So, I Swallowed my pride and the brew as well
To embark on my unknowing journey through hell
My vision began to wither into the ugliest distortion
I knew at that moment there was no chance for abortion

My new found company began to frolic with joy;
For it was their Christmas and I was their toy
They cried and wallowed the hymns of the ******
Furiously racing around the most sacred Hexagram

This art alone will not quench my thirst
So, I pushed to the street in a disorderly burst
Not as myself but as the lacerating beast
He erased my fish-like stare and began his feast

His fangs pierced deep and would not let go
Implanting them shrewdly as a seed would be sown
Stared through my mind but he saw only me
A cowardly corpse of the filthiest degree

Dragging me further by the arduous lights
That shun on my skin and reflected mere blight
Forcing me to confront the dwelling of lies
As I loitered the entrance I screeched my despise!

The *******'s dream is really quite lame
Like smothering an ash from becoming a flame
To bright forth the end is such a shame
What a waste of time to miss out on pain..

Do what thou wilt is the whole of our law
Next to that indulge in your flaws
Be who you are and love under will
But remember again do what thou wilt!

The demon left me and I felt swift again
Why should I leave and not take a friend?
Might as well reveal that not much is real
and bring forth the extent of misery I can feel

The scent of death was close and would surely come
And to my surprise I knew where it was from
The pits of lust and her treacherous Gaze
Leading me through the most grotesque haze

Upon my arrival I was ceased to a sudden halt
for what lay before me was preparing its assault
Three seeds of evil from the lowest circle of hell
but these had faces that I could remember so well

The first was my love but she had no eyes
They had been gouged and now hang at her thighs
"I can't believe you're content with stupidity!"
She screamed at me with the utmost sense of pity

That sight alone was a dream come true
A boundless arousal that was sincerely due
The bliss I betrayed was evoked once more
Into the depths of my stomach my innards it tore

Glanced upon her flesh again and it began to rot
At least seemingly so or obviously not
I'd finally met god and I knew he'd been watching
My sorrows to date and the guilt I was flaunting

He mocked my existence and showed me his fame
From that moment forward I knew who to blame
This deity was consciousness and I hated him so
I needed to run but where could I go?

What a sick ******* disturbing race;
And it's sad to say i'm the epitome of disgrace
So what the **** does that make me?
A self destructive **** with no integrity!

If I could peel through the rind of my skull          
The laughter around me might become a little dull
For the sake of my dignity and self enjoyment
I should make this last and indulge in some torment

Oh how fun it is to pretend that I'm on the petistil
Performing this unfulfilled sacrifice for a simple thrill
My slur gnarled into the cries of a self loathing comic;
For even the greatest have stated the best comedy is tragic!

So, gather 'round and pay respect to this nervous wreck;
Who befriends only pets or rather the comfort of a speck
Watch this defeatist plead for the misery of his next life;
The facts of fate are simple just take a glimpse at ones strife

I'm sure you'll see the ardent path beneath your detrimental stars;
Just gaze inside of your guilt and the afterlife doesn't seem so far
Look a little deeper through your pride to see exactly what you fear;
For Your reason blocks out what you cannot conceive and are dying to hear

That is the Irony of Sanity and we where it ******* well
Even before we reach our carnal end; we've seen the extent of hell
Although, I've never completely doubted the superstition of religion;
The thought of an eternal consciousness is entirely fiction

The only thing immortal about a human is it's opaque particles;
Physical existence will never fail to rot through it's perpetual circle!
It may seem hysterical to be hearing this from someone in my position;
But, It doesn't take a scholar to comprehend a personal realization

For I have foreseen myself as the lowest form of life to be;
My sincerest companions that made up the majority of my company
What shall be the retribution for this un-deserving carnation?
I shall plague each day as the worthless paramount of reanimation...

Dispatching my profession as the corrupted author of treachery;
And the needle begins to caper as I shed a contradicting mockery
All our indirect implications are rather redundant
Failing in comparison to the hidden word of the hierophant

For a mind with no sense can only tell a story in riddles;
And, Poetics itself is like watching a fox while he plays the fiddle!
The slyness of word play is exponentially folded when the theme is penance:
and don't even get me started on corroding intent with dis-tasteful connivance!

All of which being oppressed between the confines of these rhymes;
statements never stated that had been contrived at the time
A procession of silence establishing an obvious struggle of emotion    
Declaring the truth of hesitation and our twisted mental notion

How joyous it is to state a fact that can't be truly written;
Every word I've cast has no significance and is better off forgotten
I've been wasting all this ink converting beauty into reality
Completing eviscerating all meaning;Leaving nothing but a literal subtlety

Good day my friends and Salut to you!
Time to play herald and this is my cue
So, here comes my woe in a rhythmic fashion;
as this was written in the era of post-passion

And for the curious readers who know not of I
Seemless and keen to write I will try
You need not comprehend all that is meant;
yet, for a moment or less your time will be spent

Let me begin with a synopsis of my vision
It was far from forgiving and was lost in decision
I could never be quite sure of the light or dark;
For in the absent and present my sense would embark

Continually being coated with an artificial Gleam;
Rendering my wakefulness as a fragile like dream
Which in-turn lit the path to my lack of importance;
Painting the illustrated guise for my willful ignorance

And, The descension of unstable ethics I had once grasped
I new inevitably would meet their eventual relapse
Into what I predominately labeled as a Karmic curse
A constant role disassociation fixed in reverse

If that indefinite definition didn't tickle your fancy
Then maybe a second look will decipher real from fantasy?
Or rather not and maybe so; but atleast I try...
Fine! I'll move past this rant and attempt not to pry

I must confess that the strain of guilt was an essential tool;
For supressing the need to an end that wasn't simple to fool
Although, as the days came to more and the weeks into age;
I could barely relate to anything that I had inked onto page

The mind I had always and sincerely held in such awry regard;
Stood to spoilate my sorrow and to watch as my guard
To forget all that had ignited the suspensful act of survival
Forming the catalyst for this decrepit rebirth of revival

What I have just stated is immersed in the human condition;
Can you not remember the awakening of your own re-invention?
I suppose for some it may be subtle and largely unnoticed,
but to me and several others it isn't so easily dismissed

For I had not fully acknowledged the diversity of duality;
Until that morning when I had lost my will for frivolity
Every pleasure of my past rotted out from the inside
Revealing the inner workings of what I falsely wore as pride

I finally came to terms with what had substituted as my mask;
discovering that the pursuit for belonging is such a hopeless task
Like searching for a lover in the midst of a masquerade;
As the sunset fades our flaws are free to roam from the shade

To most it might seem as if I'm entirely self-centered
and perhaps the art of indulgence I may have mastered
yet, If you're putting my concern for your well being into question;
Then just maybe we've stumbled across a universal Contradiction?