all i wanna ******* do is cry
and scream
and hurt myself everyone else
i want to be ******* okay.

im worse than before.

at this point i dont even talk about it anymore.

i have a feeling that ill get so bad

that ill finally have the guts to end it all.

i talked to two adults who were supposed to be able to help me,

all they did was make excuses for him.


oh well,

not like i expected them to really be able to help.

now i can say i reached out...

now its definitely their fault,

they cant say i was selfish and didnt reach out.

i don't get to live life right now.

right now i have to keep all emotions in the back of my mind

right now i don't get to kiss the girl i want to kiss

right now i don't get to love who i want to love

right now i don't get to freely express myself

right now, even though i live in America
    
     i don't live in the land of the free.

     i live in a house full of judgmental Christians
  
     i live in a house that is most definitely not my home

     i live in a house that makes me not want to live at all

i keep my head down
and my mouth shut

and when some looks my way,

i smile, wave, walk like i have life
and act loud and happy

there was a mother somewhere today
who held her child for the very first time

there was a mother somewhere today
who gave birth to a stillborn child

there was a mother somewhere today
who made the hard decision of abortion

there was a mother somewhere today
who was allowed to use a stethoscope to listen to her childs last heartbeats as the doctors unplugged him

there was a mother somewhere today
whos child came out to them

there was a mother somewhere today

ready to do it,

very worried about

granddaddy and my baby girl